Every so often, an editor has to ask himself: How in the hell did I end up on this e-mail list?

I am experiencing one of those times right now. I just got a news release/guest commentary submission from the Save the Manatee Club. The commentary they want me to run is called Unwarranted State Action Puts Manatees in Clear and Future Danger.

For a second, I was wondering if the Arizona Legislature had officially lost it and was taking action on manatee-related legislation, despite the fact that Arizona, last I checked, lacked any bodies of water that could sustain manatee life. But no, the state in question was Florida.

So, how the hell did I get on this e-mail list, anyway?

Comments and debate are welcome on the Tucson Weekly blog, but the following will be removed by our administrator:

• Potentially libelous comments.
• Obscene or racist comments.
• Personal attacks, insults, or threatening language.
• Plagiarized material.
• Private, personal information published without consent.
• Comments totally unrelated to the topic of the post.
• Commercial promotions or spam.
• Hyperlinks to material that is not directly related to the discussion.

By posting a comment you agree to indemnify Tucson Weeklyand its officers and employees from and against all liabilities, judgments, damages, and costs (including attorney's fees) incurred by any of them which arise out of or are related to the comments that you post. Comments are intended only for the personal use of our readers, and may not be used for commercial purposes or for organized political activity.

Tucson Weekly reserves the right to monitor comments, and remove any that it deems, in its sole discretion, to be abusive, defamatory, in violation of the copyright, trademark right, or other intellectual property right of any third party, or otherwise inappropriate. Notwithstanding the foregoing, Tucson Weekly is not obligated to take any such actions, and will not be responsible or liable for comments posted on the blog.

Commenting is turned off on posts older than 21 days.

If you do not agree to these terms, do not use the comments, as violation of the terms can lead to legal liability.

OK, here's what you need to do right now.

Stop what you're doing and go outside. Get on your knees, and kiss the ground long and hard. While you smooch, thank whatever higher power (God? The universe? Keanu Reeves?) you choose that you've been blessed to live in an area where you don't have weather events like hurricanes or really anything else serious like that.

Just be careful not to kiss asphalt, as you could possibly burn half your freakin' face off.

But do it. Now. KISS IT!

Have you noticed how long it has taken the mainstream American public and the wimpy Democrats to even utter the word “impeach”? Clinton is impeached for lying about the act of oral sex (and the actual act), but Bush has raped and pillaged countries and domestic programs, started a war without due process and boasts a litany of infringements far grievous than blowjobs.

According to an e-mail that I received from Democrats.com, 10 state Democratic party organizations have already gone on record in support of impeachment resolutions: Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine, North Carolina, Wisconsin, Nevada, New Mexico, California, Colorado and Hawaii.

Hey, where’s Arizona?

This weekend, similar resolutions are expected in Minnesota and even Texas! And there are more to come in the weeks ahead, which means that shortly more than a quarter of all state Democratic party organizations will have gone on record in favor of impeachment. That's not to mention the three states that have introduced resolutions in their legislatures calling on Congress to act. Several states have conventions coming up. You can read all about it here.

Let’s keep the momentum going.  

Scientists have proven that you, yes you, TWeekly Blog Reader, are on camera an average of 478 times in the course of a normal day. Shocking*, isn't it?

This is what makes the incredible live webcam archive at Opentopia such a great resource—now you can be the eye in the sky! Organized according to country and in the case of the U.S., state by state, in most cases these webcams are publicly accessible only because an unwitting sysadmin set them up that way.

These webcams are also great for imagining yourself anywhere but here in Practice Hell, Arizona—this Hawai'ian resort webcam is particularly edifying. I found myself unconsciously cracking a Corona like I was sleep-beerwalking.

If you're more inclined to explore webcams in random fashion, there's this method: googling (or msning or yahooing or whatevering) a text string that nearly all webcam URLs possess.

Remember this Smirnoffian caveat, though: In Soviet Russia, webcam watches YOU!

*note: cited "fact" not actually true.

Remember several months ago, when the City Council voted to enlarge the Reid Park Zoo elephant enclosure, even though a group of Tucsonans was making some convincing arguments that the elephants could suffer and deteriorate by staying at the Reid Park Zoo?

Well, at the Los Angeles Zoo—where animal-rights folks have made similar arguments—an elephant has died.

You think this will make the Tucson City Council reconsider, seeing as it's yet another bit of painful evidence that elephants need more space than the Reid Park Zoo could ever offer?

Nah. That would make too much sense, ya know ... to do the right thing.

We here at Weekly World Central just received a news release, compliments of the Patty Weiss for Congress Campaign. The headline:

FDR Granddaughter Throws Support to Weiss in CD 8 Race

Wow. I am just on pins and needles waiting to see who Warren G. Harding's grand-nephew endorses!

This is, by far, the dumbest political press release I've seen in a loooong time. And that's saying something.

And, I must point out one more tidbit: This release was snagged by my junk e-mail folder.

How amazingly appropriate.

So I was dorking around on The New York Times Web site, and I stumbled into the paper's archive search. Did you know you can search the Times going all the way back to 1851. 1851!!!

And I thought our archives were cool for going back to 1995.

I typed in my last name—not the most common last name on this continent—and two articles popped up, one from 1897, another from 1911.

When I have more than a few seconds (I should actually be, like, editing copy right now), I may actually shell out the $7.95 for an "Article 4-pack" (it's $3.95 for one article) and download those two articles, as well as another two.

Ain't the Internet spiffy? 

Speaking of loons and the Arizona Legislature, is there some particular problem our legislators are hoping to solve by requiring U.S. flags be posted in every classroom in the state? If one of the 20 senators who voted for the measure (or any member of the House who voted in favor of their own version earlier) can explain precisely what that problem is and how displaying the flag -- 2-by-3 feet and American made, of course -- will mitigate it, I'll be willing to reserve judgment about them being the worst sort of pandering frauds. At least until the next piece of nonsensical legislation comes along.

There are a lot of cynics out there, and I am not one of them. (I am almost always skeptical, yes. Cynical, no—there's a big dif.) And a lot of cynics out there talk about how the country/world/etc. is going to hell in a handbasket.

I didn't used to agree with them. But now, things like this, a kiss goodbye from Tom DeLay, are making me to think they may be on to something:

The 11-term Republican from Texas said it is customary for departing lawmakers to "reminisce about the good old days of political harmony and across-the-aisle camaraderie."

"I can't do that," he said. "For all its faults, it is partisanship, based on core principles, that clarifies our debates, that prevents one party from straying too far from the mainstream and that constantly refreshes our politics with new ideas and new leaders."

Can Tom DeLay really believe this? Can he really believe his right-wing, corporatist, anti-gay, pro-war, pro-deficit, anti-women's-rights, pro-torture chunk of the Republican Party is mainstream?

While DeLay is going away—hopefully, for 10 to 20—make no mistake: These loons are still in charge of our country. They're in charge of our Legislature here in Arizona. And people vote for them, even though it's not in their best interest.

Sigh.