-- If you teach at a university, don't claim Dick Cheney had anything to do with Sept. 11.

-- Some nearby counties may get excessive heat. But, really, is there much of a dif between 110 and 119?

-- Can you believe there was even any minor DEBATE about extending the Voting Rights Act?!?

-- And finally, we close the work week with the latest hit from that rap/hip-hop master, DJ Sen. Ted Stevens, "A Series of Tubes."

-- Katie Couric is being a wuss.

-- Arizona's making a play for presidential primary love.

-- More horribly bad news from the Middle East.

-- All this hot air in the area? Here's one explanation.

-- Another soldier from Tucson has died in Iraq.

-- The Sidewinders will try to break a (gasp!) losing streak when they play the Portland Beavers tonight in a Thirsty Thursday getaway game.

-- Is it wrong that I chuckle, just a little, everytime I see "Beavers" used as a sports-team nickname?

-- If you're near a Hollywood star who is behind the wheel, be very afraid.

-- Holy crap! Bush finally talked to the NAACP!

-- Viacom? Owning The Onion?!? (Please note that I'm blogging this even though I realize the New York Post is often full of crap.)

-- How can the Tucson Citizen do a story on blogs and not even mention our delightful li'l blog? And isn't it just ADORABLE when the stodgy old Gannett newspaper tries to be hip and with it?

-- Meanwhile, World War III looms.

This San Francisco Chronicle story nicely summarizes the negative reaction to the impromptu shoulder massage President Bush gave German Chancellor Angela Merkel. Her facial expression tells me she loved it!

My favorite quote about Bush's actions comes from Dialog International, which bills itself as an opinion Web site on German-American politics and culture: "When he is away from his script and his handlers, his true lack of intelligence and emotional maturity surfaces for all to see."

At least he wasn't talking with his mouth full this time.

-- One of the alleged Quik Mart killers has turned himself in.

-- George W. Bush: I'll send troops into harm's way for a war built on lies and/or mistruths, sure, and stand by idly while the Middle East goes insane, but stem-cell research crosses a moral line.

-- Ads continue to sneak on to the front pages of even the most venerated newspapers.

-- And there's a new issue of the Weekly. Look to the right, and enjoy!

-- Have you ever gone to a fast-food restaurant, when all you wanted was a cup of coffee? And there was only one register open, but fortunately, only one group of two people was in line ahead of you? But these people acted as if they had never been to that restaurant before, even though PRACTICALLY EVERYONE ON THE PLANET has been to this restaurant before? And they asked the employee person all sorts of questions about what was in the various food, and then had to do heavy consultations with each other to make the vexing decision of whether or not they wanted a combo? And meanwhile, you're standing there, holding two one-dollar bills, just wanting to PAY AND GET THE FARGING COFFEE CUP SO YOU CAN GET THE SELF-SERVE COFFEE, AND LEAVE?

-- And then you remember that the only reason you're at this fast-food restaurant is because you were at a coffee house earlier, on the way to work? And you ordered a soy latte? And they were out of soy? Which is annoying and stupid, but thank HEAVENS you're not lactose intolerant, so you order the latte with regular milk? And they ask you if you want whole or skim? But you really prefer 1 or 2 percent, so you say, not thinking: "I prefer 2 percent, so could you give me half and half," meaning half whole and half skim? But they end up apparently using HALF AND HALF? But you realize this too late, as you're driving down the road, just before some dickwad pulls in front of you, making you brake hard, causing the orange juice you got for a co-worker to spill all over the farging place?

-- So, back at the fast-food restaurant, you finally pay for your coffee? And you get 50 cents in change? And it is PRIMARILY IN NICKELS?

-- That's your Wednesday Morning News Update.

-- Jim Kolbe wants to kill the penny.

-- George W. Bush wants to kill people, essentially, by vetoing a stem-cell research bill.

-- The East Coast and Gulf Coast brace themselves.

-- Meanwhile, the Arizona Daily Star's editorial page stays relevant by giving props to the corpses of very, very dead people

-- The world continues to depress.

-- The Kyl-Pederson race is making TV stations lick their lips in anticipation.

-- TPD is looking for two suspects in the Saturday murder of a Quik Mart employee.

-- And finally, the National Enquirer is apologizing to Britney Spears. No word yet on when Britney plans to apologize to the general public for her career.

-- An 7.7. earthquake caused a deadly tsunami in Indonesia.

-- The president said a naughty word.

-- War rages on in the Middle East, with no end in sight.

In other words, ALL FREAKING HELL IS BREAKING LOOSE.

Meanwhile, the head of Hooters has moved on to the, um, big breast in the sky.