If any of you southsiders here any shrieking and cries of pain from Weekly World Central today, please accept my apologies and be advised that the reason for the sniveling is that I am doing contest entries today. I hate doing contest entries. Doing them makes my soul hurt.

Also ... confidential to the dude who called this morning to whine about the cover and the paper in general (and who, typically, did not leave his phone number): I am sorry you find the contents of our paper "sleazy." And I am sorry that your little mind was confused by the fact that this week's cover didn't correspond to any of the stories inside (except that, well, it did, sorta: It told people to turn to Page 2). I strongly encourage you to forget trying to read the Weekly, and instead pick up a safe publication, like The Explorer, or maybe the Citizen. Yeah, pick up the Citizen. They need the readers.

These have been your public service announcements for this morning.

Once again, W. is going to make a speech about sending more troops to Iraq. Doesn't he get it? The American people don't want to send more troops to Iraq. It's not working. He broke Iraq a long time ago. His incompetence and that of his cronies is the reason why there was a Democratic backlash during the last election.

Now is your chance to attend the Extricate, Don't Escalate Peace Vigil at the federal building in downtown Tucson at 5 p.m. on Thursday, Jan. 11. You don't have to RSVP; you can just show up.

More than 263,000 people have signed online petitions to get out of Iraq and made more than 8,100 calls to Congress opposing escalation. Now the message goes to the public with peace vigils across the U.S.

Just show up. Bring a friend. Make a friend. Take a stand. Peace.

I have really come to appreciate Garrison Keillor's columns. While I like his radio show, even if it can be snooze-inducing at times, his columns are often fantastic.

His latest: "Seven Rules for Reading the Newspaper." A snippet:

Cary Grant, Spencer Tracy, Jimmy Stewart, all the greats, used the newspaper to demonstrate cool. Sitting and staring at the profile of Kerri ("Dreamer of dreams") Jodhpur, 18, of Muncie, Ind., and her cat Snowball is not cool.

The rest can be found here. Just be warned: You can't follow ALL of his advice while reading the Weekly; we don't really use the inverted pyramid.

Aren't the pharmaceutical companies like Pfizer bilking the public enough so that they have to develop a diet drug for your dog?

The FDA gave Slentrol the OK, which really means nothing except that Pfizer's lobbyists lobbied hard. Be scared, be very scared, as they also gave the OK to Vioxx and Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), which have been recalled and led to thousands of lawsuits being filed and life-threatening side effects. 

Pfizer sells the best selling drug of all time—Lipitor—for high cholesterol. More than 12.5 million people in the United States take Lipitor. Did you know that Pfizer blocked a patent to allow another company to make a generic equivalent to Lipitor? You will need to wait until 2010 for the cheaper generic version, providing your health insurance lasts that long.

But I digress, which is easy to do when it comes to big pharma.

I know people pamper their pets with gourmet treats, costumes and clothes, day care and doggy massage—but those seem to be optional and fun. It would seem that your dog could lose weight if it got more exercise and ate a better diet with less treats. The same can be said for humans, for sure.

Why expose your dogs to harmful pharmaceutical side effects? Slentrol side effects include loose stools, diarrhea (yuck), vomiting, lethargy and loss of appetite. That sounds like no fun.

Just say no to pharmaceutical diet drugs for dogs. If there's no demand, then there's no supply. Now stop reading, and go take Fido or Fifi for a walk.

For those of you planning on checking out Doc Severinsen this weekend with the Tucson Symphony Orchestra ... it isn't happening, at least for now. Here's the latest from TSO:

DOC SEVERINSEN RESCHEDULES HIS PERFORMANCE WITH THE TSO POPS! DUE TO ILLNESS

Tickets for TSO Pops! Special Concert on January 13 Will Be Honored at April 14, 2007 Concert

(Tucson, AZ)—Doc Severinsen has postponed his performance with the TSO Pops! this Saturday, January 13, due to illness.

The Grammy Award-winning trumpeter and bandleader from The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson was scheduled to perform a TSO Pops! Special one-night-only concert on January 13 at the Tucson Music Hall.  The TSO Pops! concert with Doc has now been rescheduled for April 14 at 7:30 pm at the Tucson Music Hall.  All tickets purchased to date are valid for the rescheduled date of April 14th, 2007.  Patrons should keep their tickets to use on the new date.

Music Director and Conductor George Hanson, who has been a friend of Doc’s for more than 30 years and will lead the TSO Pops! concert on April 14, commented:  “On behalf of everyone at the TSO, we wish Doc a speedy recovery and will look forward to enjoying his music in the Music Hall on a beautiful spring evening in Tucson!”

If ticket holders are unable to attend the rescheduled date they may:

a) donate the tickets back to the TSO for a tax donation

b) contact the TSO box office for tickets originally purchased via the TSO box office

1) Return the tickets by mail with name, address phone number and a brief note stating a request for a refund to:

TSO Box Office

2175 N. Sixth Ave.

Tucson, AZ 85705

2) Stop by the TSO Box Office in person during operation hours.

c) If tickets were purchased via Ticketmaster online, outlet or phone, please contact Ticketmaster for a refund:

Phone: (520) 321-1000

www.ticketmaster.com

Ticketmaster Outlet

Refunds will be for the full value of the ticket.

Ticket prices for the rescheduled date of Saturday, April 14th start at $28 and are on sale now online at www.tucsonsymphony.org, via www.ticketmaster.com, in person at the TSO Box Office, 2175 N. Sixth Ave. (1 block south of Grant) or via credit card phone order at (520) 882-8585.

TSO Box Office hours are Monday through Friday from 9:00 am to 4:00 pm.  Groups of 10 or more may be eligible for special discounts for selected concerts and seating areas. For information, please call 520-792-9155 x 125.

Prices, programs and dates are subject to change.

The Pleo touches my inner nerd. Sadly, Wired claims it'll cost $250, and I'm a poor journalist who already spends too much at Trader Joe's.

But imagine becoming emotionally attached to a lifelike robot. It's a fascinating idea, and it could be a harbinger of things to come.

-- OK, so Manhattan has been messed up this morning by a gas odor. Hey, advocates for sprawl: Here's something to help you make your case.

-- Sad news out of Sierra Vista involving two young boys found in a swimming pool.

-- Watch out for falling airplane parts.

-- So it seems some U.S. troops were forced to retreat from an area near the Mexico border after a group of armed individuals approached them. Gads. What is the United States now? Like, France?

-- Marilyn Manson's getting a divorce. Does anyone care? Anyone? No? OK, let's move on.

-- If you're staying at the Hilton Suites in Phoenix, don't let the bedbugs bite.

-- And finally, today, the Star's "Thorns and Flowers" spent almost 200 words babbling about how freakin' hilarious it was that a Goldwater Institute report used the phrase "jumping the shark." We suggest the Star needs to 1) get out more, and 2) perhaps get laid. This phrase may have been new and fresh, oh, seven years ago. But funny? Um, yikes. And then there's the matter of WHY IS THIS FODDER FOR THE STAR'S OPINION SECTION?

In the newspaper biz, you never really know for sure what articles are going to get letters, and what articles are not. We've run seemingly innocuous stories that struck a chord and flooded us with mail; we've run pretty edgy stuff that didn't bring in a single note.

Then there are the exceptions: Stuff you *KNOW* will bring in letters. And our cover story this week is one of those exceptions.

"Tagging Tales" was done by UA student Ashley Houk as a class assignment. She pitched it to us, and we liked the piece; after having her make a few tweaks, we ran with it. Here's why: It paints a fascinating picture of several folks in the "street art" community. Ashley and a colleague spent an evening with a couple of these graffiti artists; she went with them on a tagging trip, then interviewed them about why they do what they do.

I knew right away that because 1) we put this on the cover, and 2) because we even brought up the idea that some could consider graffiti "art," some people would have a cow. These cow-havers would claim we're glorifying evil cretin hoodlums.

Even though the piece also talks about the cost of graffiti to businesses and homes. And even though -- if you actually take the time to read the piece -- it sheds some startling light on how being a graffiti artist is not necessarily all that glorious.

Yeah, I knew we'd get letters. Here's the subject line from the first one we got:

Tagging???  What Next??? Drive-By's?? Home Invasions???

Um, OK. Graffiti's right up there with killing people???

In any case, I look forward to these letters. And I hope you find the story as interesting as I did.

It's been a while since I've commented on the Star's opinion section, which is one of the worst in the nation for a paper its size. There are virtually no regular local columnists (except for Debbie Kornmiller) to go along with wishy-washy editorials and a slew of syndicated columnists that readers can find myriad other places. If it weren't for Dave Fitzsimmons, the page would have no redeeming value.

This is sad: Opinion pages are supposed to engage readers and make them think. (And say what you will about Danehy, Tuttle and O'Sullivan: They certainly do these things.) The Star Opinion page ... makes you want to take a nap.

However, as regular readers of this blog know, I am—in a warped, wrong sort of way—a semi-fan of "Thorns and Flowers." It is so bad, it's ... well, not good, but amusing in an odd sort of way. It is, by far, the stupidest, most worthless part of the Star's Opinion section (and that is saying *A LOT*). Take today's, for example, where the Star goes out on the limb to:

-- Say nice things about a widow and an exciting football game.

-- Criticize—are you ready for it—the failure to communicate.

Oh. My. Lord. How edgy!

I've said it before, and I've said it again: I hope one day, someone accidentally mislabels "Thorns and Flowers" so everything's inverted. Can you imagine the Star giving a thorn to a grieving Betty Ford? Or a flower to nurses and doctors who don't communicate? That would be so awesome.