Check the April 5 Tucson Weekly for an interview with Tucson "Scream Queen" Elske McCain, who'll be appearing Friday, April 13, at the Loft's 12-hour Scream-O-Rama event. Here's what McCain had to say about working with child star Dana Plato:

"She was really sweet. Basically, it was when I was 17, and it was really funny, because we were hired as the background dancers, right? And so we showed up on the set, and they were like, 'Are you guys the dancers?' And we were like, 'Yeah.' They said, 'OK, go back and get undressed!' Apparently, they thought we were the dancers--like, the topless dancers. Once they found out we were only 17, they were like, 'Oh my God, no.' It was a movie called Silent Fury that we shot in Yuma, and, basically, I was an extra but was featured in every scene. I've seen the movie once, and it's funny, because you can watch it, and I'm playing pool, I'm walking over here and then I'm dancing. They were so low budget that they used the same five people.

"She (Plato) played a waitress. Me and my three friends were hanging out, and she came over. ... She didn't seem out of it or on drugs or anything. She seemed pretty and normal. She was cool."

OK, so Western culture has definitely infiltrated China. I have seen McDonald's, Starbucks, Pizza Huts, and the ubiquitous Col. Sanders many, many times since landing in China several days ago. (I even saw a Ford on the road once!)

But tonight, things went too far.

We were at a restaurant eating dinner (on the menu: Chinese food!) when a woman came up and started singing while playing a mandolin or something. She was dressed in what appeared to be traditional garb, playing traditional music ... until her third song or so. Our mouths dropped when we realized she was playing the melody (but, thank goodness, NOT singing the words, at least not in English) to "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion (who is Canadian, I know, but still).

Gads. No wonder the rest of the world hates us.

Hey, kids. The blog is now in Southern China. We flew from Beijing to Shanghai this morning, before zipping on a bus to Suzhou. (Our tour guide explained that Suzhou is a small city, seeing as only 6 million people live here.) We then had a delightful lunch—well, all but two people in our group had a delightful lunch. It turns out that these two women are deathly allergic to shellfish, and when they told the servers this, the servers looked them like they were from Mars. Are any Chinese people allergic to shellfish? Anyway, our tour guide/translator assured the women there was nothing to worry about: Everything was OK to eat unless the servers said it wasn't.

The two women instead decided to take their chances at the restaurant next door: KFC.

After that, we went to the Lingering Garden, and then to the magnificent Tiger Hill pagoda. It actually has nothing to do with tigers; it's actually the tomb of some king. I would know more about Tiger Hill, except that the tour guide was telling us about Tiger Hill at the same time our bus driver was making a left turn into a stream of honking, oncoming traffic. My attention was then dedicated to watching my life pass before my eyes.

Tomorrow, we look at some stuff involving silk production, and then head to Hangzhou. That's assuming we survive the bus trip to and from dinner.

Greetings, everyone, from beautiful Beijing! I have been here for two days and change now; tomorrow, my group is heading south, to Shanghai.

It's been a memorable two days. More details to come later, but here are some notes from the capital city of China:

• It's apparently acceptable for men to pull over their cars on the expressway to take a leak. We saw this happening several times on the way from the airport into town. It was a fantastic welcome to China.
• It is also acceptable for a large transport truck to stop in the middle of the freeway, turn around and go into oncoming traffic after missing an exit. OK, it may not be acceptable, but I saw it happen.
• The Great Wall is, in fact, pretty damn great. I somehow managed to climb a serious portion of it, all the way to the top (I think our guide said it was 2,000 steps or something, many of these steps LARGE), despite the fact that I am a large, gin-swilling newspaper editor.
• They have Starbucks in China. But it's not much cheaper than in the United States.
• They also have a lot of aggressive people trying to sell stuff to anyone who looks like a tourist. And these people are EVERYWHERE, selling postcards, Olympic caps and T-shirts, books, shirts, etc. They also sell lots of Rolexes and Gucci knockoffs. (One persistent woman shouted that she was selling "coochie coochie," meaning Gucci. She sounded like Bea Arthur. It was hilarious and deeply disturbing.)
• We bought a watch in Tiananmen Square. It features Chairman Mao waving his arm. The watch band fell apart after about two hours, and by that time, the watch was already off by a half-hour.
• English signs and translations are everywhere, and they are almost always unintentionally hilarious. Take this appealing advertisement for our hotel's spa:

It has been recorded ... that massage can regulate Yin and Yang, harmonize the entrails, make your pneuma and blood smooth, dredge your veins and arteries and lubricate joints. In a word, it is worthy to attempt this "driving style massage"!

I could go on, but I have to be up at 4 a.m. local time to get ready for the flight to Shanghai. More to come later -- maybe from Shanghai, or more likely after we return to the states.

In the meantime, I leave you with the above photo. I call it "Dork at the Top of the Great Wall."

State prisoners would be working in hotels, restaurants and construction sites under a proposal expected to be unveiled at the Legislature next week.

House Bill 2997, sponsored by a number of conservative Republicans, would put prisoners to work to replace illegal immigrants in the hospitality, agriculture and construction industries, among others.

“I’d rather have American citizens working these jobs than people who have no respect for the laws of this nation,” said sponsor Randy Grullen, R-Casa Bromista. “We keep hearing businesses say they need workers. This will provide those workers, at a real bargain of a price.”

Chamber of Commerce officials, who have opposed efforts to establish employer sanctions this session, appeared to be supporting the legislation, which would allow them to pay prisoners just pennies an hour.

“We welcome the opportunity to diversify the workforce,” said April Sloof, lobbyist for the Arizona League of Commerce, Industry and Quality Development Opportunities.

The striker legislation will be introduced through a bill that would have made stucco the official state plaster.

“It’s just the right thing to do,” said Grullen.

Details to follow…