Former TW film critic James DiGiovanna is getting a lot of attention for an FAQ for his philosophy students in case The Rapture occurs tomorrow. A sample:

Q: With the rapture coming, should I bother working on my final paper?
A: Yes. The odds are you will not be judged worthy of ascent to heaven, in which case your grades will still be a basis of judgment for rewards in this earthly sphere.

Q: What if my instructor is raptured?
A: None of our instructors bear much chance of being judged worthy. However, on the off chance your instructor is chosen, an army of unemployed secular Marxists is waiting to take his/her place.

Q: If my mother/father/grandfather/grandmother/favorite aunt/etc. is chosen, will I be excused from the final so that I may mourn his/her loss?
A: No. They have not died, but been granted eternal life, thus this does not count as a case of a death in the family.

[Spoonbot]

My new professional goal: do something important enough to be interviewed by Bert. Or Andy Samberg. But preferably Bert.

• Photo Ryn Gargulinski
• Lazlo the skink

We’re talking about why lizards do push-ups. While we can come up with theories that range from absorbing warmth from a tree limb to stretching their legs after a lengthy nap, the real reason lizards to push-ups is simply to get attention.

This is just one of the juicy local wildlife questions that keeps many a Tucsonan awake at night, kicking at the covers and unable to rest, lest we get to the bottom of such sweet mysteries.

It’s the male lizards that engage in the push-up practice, the Discovery Channel explains, for the sole purpose of letting other lizards know a lizard He-Man is on the scene.

And what a He-Man feat these push-ups are. Perched on all fours, the full-body push-ups fully thrust the lizard’s entire frame up and down in quick succession — probably more exercise than some people get in a month.

There’s a new shaved-ice store under construction in the former home of Copper Kettle Popcorn at 3701 W. Ina Road.

The new owners have put up white paper in the windows proclaiming that Shoobies Shaveice—that's how it reads on the sign—cometh to rock our shaved-ice worlds, but no opening date or other details were in sight.

I tried to corner who I thought was Shoobie coming out of the store this afternoon, but he denied any affiliation and looked a little scared, so I took this picture and ran off.

I'm a big fan of casino-style tribute entertainment (looking forward to ABBA Fan on June 2nd!), but I'm not entirely sure what to think of "Billy Joel Tribute, Piano Man" appearing at Casino Del Sol's Paradiso Bar and Lounge tonight. Billy Joel has a decent catalog of songs to pay tribute to, and the guy in the goatee and Yankee jersey filling the Joel role seems proficient enough, but including "Downeaster Alexa" in the setlist is a little troubling. It's 2011...the world does not need to hear more than one song from Storm Front in a twenty four hour period, and I can't imagine Piano Man can resist the lure of "We Didn't Start the Fire". Maybe throw "Say Goodbye to Hollywood" in instead? That song's a little underrated as it goes and the sax solo is very of the moment.

At least Piano Man bring back all of your pleasant memories of Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari in drag by performing the theme to TV's Bosom Buddies:

"My Life":

While Jonathan Rothschild didn't want to be filmed for our local beer tasting last night, I believe this animated video offers some insight into the evening.

• The writing's on the wall at Noble Hops Gastropub.

I mean, yes, you can smell the slow-roasting “drunken chicken” from the parking lot, and the burgers and salads coming out of the kitchen are gorgeous, but that’s all built around a staggeringly large and assorted selection of fine brews. The server will give you a little taste of the beer, if you’d like. You may comment on the aroma and character and receive knowing nods of encouragement, or down it barbarian-style and order a couple pints (you savage you).

Which is to say: Noble Hops splits it down the middle. You get a little more character than a bar, a dash of class and a pub feel with all the cigars and beer and all that. Yet it is not in any way stuffy or cloying. It just seems like a nice place to grab a really good burger and a beer, but even on a first date or a business lunch. Nice patio scene, too.

The place just opened last week at 1335 W. Lambert Lane in Oro Valley, and was doing a tidy little afternoon business today. Looks like the place might be a good fit for that neighborhood.

In our review of The Greatest Movie Ever Sold, (May 12 issue, here) we indicate the film will open on Friday, May 20, at Harkins Tucson Spectrum 18. It will no longer open at Harkins. Instead, it will open Friday, May 20, at Century El Con 20, 3601 E. Broadway Blvd.

The Baja Arizona movement is evidently not nutty enough for Jon Stewart. We're told that the segment on the push to allow Southern Arizona to form a new state unconnected to Maricopa County has been spiked by The Daily Show.

To console you, here's a classic Daily Show clip, mocking Arizona State University:

Stephen Colbert had a field day with Newt Gingrich's nutty wavering over his own criticism of the GOP proposal to end Medicare as we now know it by handing out vouchers to seniors to buy health insurance instead of covering most of the cost with a government insurance program.

It's hardly surprising that Newt isn't embracing the GOP plan: It's proving to be wildly unpopular. Here's what former Bush administration speechwriter David Frum says about the Republican proposal:

[T]he American public will not accept this kind of reform and will smash any politician who tries to force it upon them. There are ways to reduce the fiscal burden of Medicare, but telling seniors to buy their own damn healthcare is not going to be one of them. I wish it were somebody other than the Kenyan-anticolonialism-sharia law candidate making that argument, but it’s an important argument from any source.

Now Talking Points Memo notes that Newt might have apologized to Congressman Paul Ryan for what he said about the GOP's Medicare plan, but he evidently still doesn't support the plan to ask seniors to buy their own health insurance with some help from the government:

Newt Gingrich has been extremely contrite lately, reaching out to conservative commentators, bloggers, and lawmakers in recent days to personally apologize for slamming the GOP budget as "right wing social engineering." Perhaps lost in the overwhelming appearance of a full walk back is that Gingrich hasn't really walked back anything.

"If I were re-wording it, I would have said it slightly different," he told Wisconsin TV station WXOW on Wednesday. "The intent was the same, but I'm happy to continue to evolve."