It'll be a few days before we get to find out the worst state in America as determined by Gawker, but it feels like Arizona probably has it in the bag, right? After all, we "won" the last of these when GQ arbitrarily ranked the 50 states, and if they're going to give New York the title of Best State Ever because they have gay marriage, a global cultural center, and the Catskills, I'm sure it'll be all Brewer, Arpaio, and the usual suspects.

C'mon, Mississippi's new oppressive immigration law is about to go into effect, so they have to start competing for last. Plus, the Grand Canyon! No one else has one of those. Help us out a bit.

[Gawker]

Congratulations to Keith C Hickman-Perfetti, the winner of our first pitch contest with the Tucson Padres. I'm not entirely sure what to make of this video, but Keith was the only person with enough ambition to enter, so he wins. Thanks for entering, Keith! Best of luck getting the ball in the strike zone.

This week, Eric and Arnie discuss "Spider Island: Cloak & Dagger #1", featuring a crime-fighting duo with dubious origins.

• Jake Bacon/Arizona Daily Sun

It's probably morally wrong to mess with the message displayed on highway signs, and maybe drivers were confused
briefly, but just typing "rogue panda" made me chuckle:

Fort Valley Road is no panda express.

Local drivers making their morning commute Monday were greeted by an electronic sign along the busy stretch of road warning of a "rogue panda on rampage."

But rest easy, panda-phobes: It was a prank.

The Arizona Department of Transportation-controlled sign near the intersection of Fort Valley Road and Forest Avenue has been warning drivers about no left turns at the intersection. But at some point hackers took control to tell residents to be on the lookout for an ailuropoda melanoleuca, also known as a giant panda.

Authorities said there is no cause for concern.

"We want to assure all citizens of Flagstaff that there is no problem with rogue pandas," said Lt. Ken Koch with the Flagstaff Police Department.

He does, however, encourage anybody who spots a member of the endangered species roaming Flagstaff streets to call the police department.

If you happen to see the above post at Pop Culture Brain, a solid site aggregating TV, movie, whatever news, let me make a (unrequested) clarification on that site's behalf.

In that sentence:

a) "Paris Hilton" means what you think. The minimally talented heiress/person who doesn't know when to go away.
b) "Oxygen" is referring to a cable network, not the generally gaseous element required for most life on Earth.
c) "Cancels" means that the show you likely weren't watching that starred Paris Hilton won't be on anymore, not that her existence is being eliminated or negated somehow.

So, if you (like me) read that sentence and thought that the air that we breathe somehow developed personal and human emotion and ability and decided that it was through helping Paris Hilton exist, that would be an incorrect assessment of the "news". A cable channel just isn't going to run a show with her on it.

I think this is from Can't Stop the Music, which was the Cool As Ice of its day, a movie counting on the continued success of a musical act that sadly dissipated in the time it takes to make the aforementioned movie. Maybe the rest of the movie is a powerful look into the life of men in costumes and the pathos of being forced to perform all the time. Maybe that's true, but this part is either surreal or just sucks.

Maybe government officials think I’m joking when I say this state needs an official state food. Maybe that’s why they won’t respond to my e-mails, or, when they do, they say the message has been forwarded and I never hear from them again.

It’s almost like this state — which even has an official neckwear, the bola tie — doesn’t want an official food, which could shine a positive light on the many agricultural products we produce. The way our politicians waste time you’d think they could stop and do just a little something to help Arizona’s image, but I guess they’re too busy designating an official state gun to bother with that.

But I’m not giving up. I have contacted the Arizona Beef Council for guidance and am awaiting a response.

I will not rest until Arizona has an official state food. That is all.

(One slight consolation is that now when you try to Google Arizona's state food, this story is the fifth result. I wouldn't exactly call that progress, but it's a start.)

If you're at all like me, one of the most vexing moments of any work day is trying to figure out what to listen to. I usually have really good intentions, wanting to tune into something different and exciting, but then I end up listening to Europe's greatest hits again. This actually happened to me yesterday.

Mostly for my own selfish get-out-my-musical-rut needs, I asked the Tucson Weekly's music writers to email me with the song they found themselves listening to most over the last week. After all, these people are listening to music all the time, and not just Scandinavian power hair metal.

Listen to each song via the convenient embedded clip and if you find this useful, we'll do it again next week. OK?

Here goes, after the cut.

Some like to act like gender equality is here and now, but we’re not there yet. Despite a lot of improvement, women still make less and deal with more hurdles to success and recognition than the average man.

How do I know this? Because nobody needs to hold a man-themed cooking competition or wine-tasting to shine more light on the accomplishments of men, yet the same is not true when it comes to women-themed events of the same ilk. We need to do a better job of celebrating women. Here are a couple of ways to start:

CataVinos holds tastings called “Women’s Equality Wines” from 4 to 8 p.m., Thursday, Aug. 25, through Saturday, Aug. 27. The featured wines are all created by women, and come from around the world. You get to taste six of them for $10, or $8 if you buy $10 worth of wine. Buy a case of wine and the tasting is free. More on that over here.

You’ll also want to mark your calendar for the upcoming Sizzling Women: The Female Chefs of Tucson event on Sunday, Nov. 13. It’s at the University Marriott and some of the top female chefs in town are participating.

We spoke yesterday with one of the participants, the new executive pastry chef at Loews Ventana Canyon, and can tell you that it will be worth going just to try the unbelievable sweets she creates. It’s also a fundraiser for up-and-coming culinary arts students. There’s more on that event over here.

Listen, I understand that people are terrible drivers. We seem to be surrounded by them, even if somehow we're the one person who understands the rules of the road at any given time. As my son will remind nearly anyone he talks to (sigh), I'm not above giving someone the finger, but next time, I'll take a deep breath, try to calm down, and not flip my car while "flipping the bird":

A woman caused an accident SR 512 on Monday when she lost control of her vehicle as she was giving another driver “the bird,” the Washington State Patrol said.

The 23-year-old woman, driving a 2004 Taurus, was traveling eastbound next to a Subaru Outback, the State Patrol said.

She wanted to get over to the right lane, but it was occupied so she flipped off the driver of the Outback. As she was doing so she lost control of her vehicle and hit the back end of the Outback, causing it to run off the road and roll over. She ended up in a ditch further down the roadway.