• Rita Connelly

My writing takes me to the most amazing places.

The Foundation for Inter-Cultural Dialogue invited me to be a judge at their Noah's Pudding contest. I had never heard of Noah's Pudding, also called Ashure. So I had to do a little research.
Noah's pudding gets its name from the dish Noah made when the Ark landed on Mt. Ararat after the Great Flood. There was very little food left, so everyone gathered together what they had and created a pudding: nuts, grains, beans, and fruit....whatever was at hand.

Earlier this year, a local writing collective published American Guano. ($12, 172 pages, Give Whitey Five Press.) The book is available at Amazon.com.

Book summary:

America's heart was touched by New York Times bestseller Marley & Me, the unforgettable story of a family in the making and the wondrously neurotic dog who taught them what really matters in life: writing a mawkish piece of tripe that could be sold to a big corporate publisher who in turn sells it on to the mindlessly consuming masses who scarf up such tripe like a dog eating its own feces. Now America celebrates again with American Guano, the unforgettable story of a precocious pup bent on mass murder and, perchance, anal fisting. Glory be.

American Guano is a blackly satirical novel set partly in the deserts of the American southwest. Our fearless protagonist, a dog called Guano (breed: Canadian Royal Mountie Mounter, purebred) attempts to form his own superhero gang in order to get his own reality TV show. Shuffling from disaster to disaster, which includes the wholesale destruction of the town of Oatman, Arizona (you are welcome), Guano eventually teams up with Moses for a lovely terrorism campaign that includes a discussion on biblical plagues and the true meaning of terrorism. In the end Guano and Moses are redeemed, being delivered to a secret island where human beings actually live up to their potential (because the book is fiction). The novel — only to be enjoyed by those with a highly evolved, vile sense of humor who appreciate how wretchedly short our society falls in cultivating human potential — is nothing less than a blueprint for a better societal arrangement (political, economic, psychological, etc.). No, really. We have the answers. Ha! Destined to make millions of modern cretins laugh and cry, this heartwarming novel is a wonderful keepsake for all those who love Guano. The last satire that matters.

This book was a collaboration involving several writers. We wish to remain anonymous (so as to not get shot for writing unpopular things — long live the Land of Liberty (LOL)). So we've blamed this book on the protagonist, Guano (real-life picture included on the book cover, attached). The author is an Ottoman Dinglies Retriever, purebred. He enjoys licking himself and long romantic walks on the beach. And cliches.

Two locations of a new restaurant called U Like Buffet are expected to open in the coming months.

Co-owner Daniel Lu tells us the location at 330 S. Wilmot Road should be open in mid-January. The other location is expected to open in March at 5101 N. Oracle Road. Both locations were formerly Home Town Buffets.

Lu says both locations will feature sushi, hibachi-style dining, salad bars, all-you-can-eat Chinese and Japanese food and a few American dishes.

The release of a movie trailer isn't generally news, but this one, for the last film in Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight series, seems like an exception.

[Pop Culture Brain]

This may or may not become an actual regular feature, but I found this snappy new site to make polls, so it seemed worth checking out.

The first Tucson location of the chain restaurant Genghis Grill opens today at 4386 N. Oracle Road, No. 150. You pick from about 70 ingredients and the employees take your meal for a wok (ha!). Sorry about that.

Anyway, the legend goes that Mongolian warriors cooked their meals on their shields while away at battle, launching this tradition of cooking in large woks. Truth? Historical fiction? Either way, it makes for a slightly better blog entry than the mere opening of a Mongolian stir-fry restaurant, so there you have it.

There's more on Genghis Grill - which corporate folks tell us is the largest chain of Mongolian grill restaurants in the country - over here.

Keep an eye out, Tucsonans, and help some of Tucson's best musicians retrieve their instruments from the hands of thieves.

From Gabriel Sulllivan's Facebook page:

My van was broken into Saturday night on 15th st. between 6th ave and Stone. My guitar, Brian Lopez's guitar, and Geoffrey Hidalgo's bass were stolen. They were....

-Airline Town & Country DLX electric guitar. Tan color with black pickguards and a lot of tone/volume knobs.

-Gibson Les Paul Standard electric guitar. Cherry sunburst finish. There is a crack in the back of the headstock and green glow paint stained on the back of the guitar.

-Fender Precision electric bass. Black with black pickguard.

So. uh. Yeah. Keep an eye out.

Michael Chihak of Arizona Public Media's Arizona Week got a lengthy interview with astronaut Mark Kelly, the husband of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords.

Chihak reports:

U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords is speaking in full sentences now, says her husband, an improvement from a month ago when she uttered several phrases in a national television interview.

Retired Navy Capt. Mark Kelly told Arizona Week in an interview at his suburban Houston home Thursday that the Democratic congresswoman from Tucson is still working to combine the sentences she is able to speak.

Asked if she is forming complete sentences, Kelly said, "Oh, yeah, absolutely. The hard part for her right now is stringing them together. But that's coming."

Shaun McClusky hasn't exactly kept it a secret he's not a supporter of Occupy Tucson on our blog or his Facebook page, which is why it looks like an idea he's cooked up is more about disrupting Occupy and less about charitable giving (By the way, we did try to reach him for comment, but no reply).

The failed mayoral candidate wants to have a food drive at Veinte de Agosto Park, as well as De Anza Park, where some recent Occupy activity has taken place. According to his Facebook page, McClusky received permits from the city to move forward with his plan and he's circulating a Facebook invite, too.

The event is called Take Care of Tucson and takes place Wednesday, Dec. 28, from 4 to 7 p.m.

We will be collecting food for the Community Food Bank, Cold Wet Noses, Hermitage Cat Shelter and the Humane Society. We will have volunteers from Trinity of Angels, a non-profit for abused spouses and children.

A recent piece written by writer Shannon Cain on her blog has taken a healthy swipe at McClusky's motives, as well as calling attention to the ongoing issues at Occupy. Cain, an Occupy Tucson member who volunteers on the legislative working group, hasn't been winning a popularity contest at Occupy, but she's brought up issues in this post that other people are discussing. This isn't new, but you'd think if the goal is to survive and grow, folks would address these issues. Besides McClusky, Cain points out problems with one of Occupy's leaderless leaders, Jon McLane. Like I said, same stuff overheard between tents at Occupy the past two months.

Cain's blog post:

Shaun McClusky has come after Occupy Tucson again. McClusky was this year's failed Republican candidate for mayor and Tea Party darling who has so far been disqualified from two separate local elections for failing to follow rules such as listing top contributors on his disclosure forms and screwing up the collection of signatures on his nominating petitions.

McClusky, who has characterized Occupy Tucson as a “smelly stinky presence” and has said he hopes TPD takes our “unemployed asses to jail,” was yesterday awarded a permit by the City of Tucson for Veinte de Agosto Park and De Anza Park—the only two Occupy-related encampments in Tucson—for one-time events on December 28. McClusky’s planned party: a food drive by a group called “Take Care of Tucson” that would benefit the Community Food Bank and three local animal shelters.

Ah, the evil of McClusky’s plan! Canned food! Cats & dogs! How American! How reasonable! How...legal!

Except that McClosky’s events clearly aren’t motivated by a desire to feed the hungry. His is a ploy to kick Occupy Tucson out of Veinte de Agosto Park. McClusky is using hungry people and abandoned animals as a political shield for his real agenda: to silence this global economic revolution and squelch its impact in Tucson.

Good luck, McClusky. You think that forcing Occupy Tucson to move a few tents is going to stop this movement? This movement is too big, too important, too timely, to be slowed down by the likes of you.

It also doesn’t take much digging to discover your personal vendetta against Jon McLane, the activist behind Occupy Public Lands. OPL is a renegade offshoot of Occupy Tucson that irritates the hell out of many of us, myself unquestionably at the top of the list, for unnecessarily confrontational tactics, camera hogging, dramatic grandstanding, a tenuous grasp on the meaning of “leaderless movement,” and/or a general disregard for the well-being of the mother Occupy organization.

Be that as it may, McClusky and McLane have their own tawdry history: they ran against one another in the mayoral race, and were both disqualified over a failure to follow basic election rules. McLane ran as a Green Party candidate. Yet when McLane’s campaign came to its abrupt halt, he threw his support behind X-treme Republican McClusky, even joining his campaign as chair of the sustainability committee. From Green Party to Tea Party? Wow, there’s a leap. But then McClusky’s petition signatures were challenged in court, so the whole party ended.

Now it seems the boys once again aren’t getting along. Yesterday on McLane’s Facebook page he accused McClusky of orchestrating this weirdly amateur YouTube video attack against him, under veil of the Occupy movement’s self-appointed watchdog, Anonymous. Never mind that the Anonymous video is 6 weeks old. Apparently McLane’s paranoia is getting the better of him.

Bottom line is that a silly combination of male ego and a small-time act of revenge from a frustrated political loser shall result in Occupy Tucson leaving its encampment once again.

It’s okay. This stuff is small potatoes. Dramas manufactured by angry boys shall come and go, but this movement is here to stay. We are riding the wave of global change, tossed in the tumult, exhilarated. The people are waking up.

We’re Occupy Tucson, and we aren’t going anywhere.

According to Ricardo Hernandez, Pima County Superintendent of Schools chief financial officer, interviews for the Tucson Unified School District's governing board member position should be complete by the evening of Monday, Dec. 19.

"All but 9 candidates will be remaining by the end of today (Friday 12/16). The Committee will finish all interviewing of the 54 candidates by Monday night. They will then determine whether they will provide Dr. (Linda) Arzoumanian their decision or if they will need to do any additional screening. Based on those decisions, a final date by when Dr. Arzoumanian will name an appointee is also to be determined. We’ll know more after Tuesday when the Committee is scheduled to deliberate," Hernandez wrote in an e-mail to the Range.

We asked about potential conflicts and how each candidate was vetted. On the candidate forms, each person who applied was responsible for explaining any potential issues or conflicts, if any exist. Out of the 54 candidates interviewed by the committee only one potential conflict was brought up to the Range — candidate Robert Medler, VP of government affairs at the Tucson Metropolitan Chamber of Commerce.

Medler's boss is Bill Holmes (the chamber's chief operating officer), who used to work as senior staff assistant to Arzoumanian. In his job he worked as the liaison between the county school office, the state Department of Education and the 17 Pima County school districts working in areas of educational technologies, grant writing and evaluation, and the federal governments E-Rate program.

When asked if this was a potential conflict brought up during the application and interview process, Hernandez responded: "All potential conflicts of interest both between candidates and the Committee members or the Superintendent have been disclosed and addressed as they arise. In the end, the Committee will base their decisions entirely on the information presented during the interviews and the applications, as well as any screening that happens after. Dr. Arzoumanian will only address those recommendations presented by the Committee."

On Medler's application he doesn't list this as a potential conflict, but does explain a felony charge he faced for a theft that occurred in a club he belonged to in college. Due to the fact he had no previous record, the charges were dropped through a deferred prosecution program he completed.

You can see the final list of candidates being interviewed right here:

TUSD_VACANY_LIST_OF_CANDIDATES_Final.pdf