If you like bread, or soups served in bowls fashioned from bread, keep the new Paradise Bakery and Café in the shopping center on the northwest corner of Broadway and Wilmot in mind.

The store opened Monday and is giving away prizes to the first 100 customers every day through Friday, March 30. Free stuff! Yay!

I am so guilty when it comes to bitching about chain restaurants, but this one has good points that can not be ignored. Their soup and half-sandwich special, for instance, is affordable and contains enough carb calories to fuel an army of marathon runners, and the cookies are just plain delicious.

Paradise Bakery and Cafe also makes an effort to use natural, organic, antibiotic-free and other less-nasty ingredients than many chain joints. More on all that over here.

Wine shop Catavinos at 3063 N. Alvernon Way holds yet another inspired wine-tasting this week:

With April Fool's Day right around the corner we're here to prove that no fools attend wine tastings at CataVinos. Here's where you put your palate to the test to see if all that wine-tasting is paying off. We'll pour six wines disguised in brown paper packaging. Your tasting sheet will provide tasting notes; your assignment is to decide which wine is which. A fun favorite around here, anyone matching all six wines correctly tastes for free. No kidding!

The tastings take place from 4 to 8 p.m., Thursday, March 29 through Saturday, March 31. It's $10 to taste six wines.

Check out their tasting schedule over here for more details.

My children have moved on from watching Sesame Street, so I'm not entirely sure why Elmo is kissing a beluga whale, but I celebrate this delightful animated GIF regardless of the context.

Outside of a few taco trucks outside of walking distance, the food options immediately adjacent to the Tucson Weekly offices might be best described as "plentiful, yet mediocre," mostly consisting of fast food joints and the generally packed Sachiko Sushi that shares a building with a Losbetos. However, at least for tomorrow, that'll change a bit since the Animal Farm truck will be down here on Hemisphere Loop serving lunch. I'm unclear on the start and stop times (check their Facebook page tomorrow, I imagine), but you happen to live or work near Valencia and Palo Verde, you should really stop by. You might even spot one of your favorite Tucson Weekly personalities ordering their lunch ("Is that Jimmy Boegle getting a banh mi? I think it is!", etc. etc.) before rushing back to make journalistic magic happen on the page.

For more on Animal Farm, check out Adam Borowitz's 27th entry in his Food Truck Diary.

I suppose it shouldn't be surprising that Brenda Barton, a Safford woman who is seen on her campaign for re-election webpage wearing a giant cowboy hat, is hosting a fundraiser at a gun range, complete with a book signing by the author of After You Shoot (subtitled "The gun's hot, the perp's not...now what?"), but this particular event really takes the weirdness to a whole new level.

1. There will be a shoot off between Maricopa County Attorney "Bad Boy Bill" Montgomery and "Tall Tom" Horne.
2. Tickets are $35 for a "single"; $60 for a "couple". Children under eighteen are free, but only if accompanied by both parents.
3. There will be "rewards" for the best dressed cowboy and cowgirl, but also for the largest family in attendance.
4. Russell Pearce will be there, and this fact is listed on the poster like that's a good thing.

Oh, Arizona. You'll never change, will you?

Tristan White of Dragoon Brewing Co. says the brewery could be days away from releasing its first beers.

"Hopefully we'll have them on the market this week," said White, adding that the only thing holding up distribution of the brewery's first two beers is filtering the product and packaging it for sale.

White said the Stronghold Session Ale is sort of a "cross between Fat Tire and Newcastle" with an alcohol content of about 4.5 percent. The other beer is an IPA described as "big and hoppy." It boasts an alcohol content of about 7.8 percent.

Dragoon Brewing Co. has a tasting room but it won't be open until the grand opening in May. If you want to keep up on where the beers will be available - not to mention extra information about the run of specialty beers the brewery has planned - check in via Twitter for updates.

(The relevant bit is around the 5 minute mark, but do yourself a favor and watch the whole thing. Everyone deserves a Carlin break.)

So there may be hope for our groundwater after all!

According to Digital Journal, a team of Yale students found a rather particular variety of fungus during a trip to the Amazon as part of Yale's annual "Rainforest Expedition and Laboratory"...one that eats polyurethane — and on top of that, does so in oxygen-free environments. Like in our landfills.

Now, considering that it takes hundreds of years for plastics to degrade in landfills (some sources say 500 years, some say a thousand — we'll be safe and go with "a long ass time,") this is a potentially huge breakthrough.

All we need to know now is 1.) what does this fungus produce when it consumes plastics?; 2.) is said product potentially toxic?; and 3.) how can we contain this fungus so it doesn't end up consuming everything I hold near and dear to my electronics-loving heart?

Old Tucson Studios will be the backdrop for some upcoming episodes of the Food Network's popular show Chopped.

Lauren Mueller, director of public relations for the Food Network and the Cooking Channel, says the taping was for special stunt-themed episodes. She said the episodes are likely to air in late July.

That's all she had for the time being. She said more details will be available sometime in May.

CAMEL CLUB NETWORK from Everything Is Terrible! on Vimeo.

I did a little bit of drinking in the late 90's, so apparently I missed the Joe Camel themed excitement of the earlier part of the decade, when nightclubs were handing out free cigarettes, letting you record your own music video, hosting white dude rap battles and giving away t-shirts, all to the non-stop party sounds of the beautiful and talented ladies of the Smooth Moves. It was all flannel shirts and sulking by the time I was legally permitted in bars. I really missed out on all the fun and all the pumping up of the jam.

[Laughing Squid]

The Onyx Room at 106 W. Drachman St. has closed and will be reopening elsewhere. From the restaurant's Facebook page:

Dear Facebook Family, yesterday was the last day of businesss for The Onyx Room, located at 106 W. Drachman. We do have future plans to relocate. We would like to thank everyone that has supported The Onyx Room over the past year. We hope you enjoyed your experience and we look forward to reestablishing our relationships when you visit The Onyx Room at its new location. We will take the next few months to reorganize and relocate. Stay tuned as we will post updates on the new location and the re-open date. Thanks again, and it has been our pleasure to serve you.

What a relief. Initially the word was that the place had closed for good, which would be a shame. Head cook John Bryant Jr. makes some mean soul food, and I wasn't sure how I felt about living in a world without his slow-cooked collard greens and incredible macaroni and cheese.

We'll be back with more when we find out where and when the restaurant will be reopening.