Parenting is hard, from what I understand. Kids are, from time to time, tremendous assholes. Whiny, entitled, spoiled and picky as hell — trust me, I was at least one of those things at any given time for much of my adolescent life.

But my parents had the good sense to, y'know, parent me, as opposed to trying to teach me lessons.

Unlike these folks from Scottsdale, which is fast becoming a cultural black hole of absolutely batshit people:

My kids are becoming really picky eaters and arn't finishing their plates. I told them "There are starving people out there who would love to have that," but they don't seem to get it. I would like to force them to throw away the food from their unfinished plates in front of someone who is really really skinny who will act hungry.

I'd love for you to get into the role. Maybe a wide-eyed-whimper and extension of an emancipated claw/hand as the meatloaf slides into the trash can. Must be able to pull off dejected as you sulk away.

I'd love to avoid meth skinny for obvious reasons. Also actual hunger skinny because that meatloaf is staying in the trash. Also would like to avoid some sort of body-image-malfunction skinny because my daughter is so impressionable right now (which is why it's prime time to teach this lesson). My #1 choice would be parasite skinny, but I know chances of finding that are slim.

• blogilates.com
• "Yeah, you'll work. Just try to not act so...fabulous."

Hah! "Slim." Get it? It's a play on words that may or may not have been completely unintentional.

No word on whether or not this position has been filled, but...yeah.

Now would be a good time to note that, at the bottom of the ad, the gig would offer no compensation for watching entitled brats throw their food into a garbage can, then shooed away like some Dickensian beggar. NO MEATLOAF FOR YOU, URCHIN. GET OUT.

Arrested Development has almost (but not quite) enveloped our lives here lately — a number of the nerds around the office have grown to love the show, and may or may not have devoted many hours this weekend to watching (and re-watching, and re-re-watching...) the newest episodes, which went live on Netflix on Sunday.

But the best running gag of the newest set of episodes features a watermark included on the frame below:

• TechCrunch
• See that watermark? That's what we're talking about.

What you should be noticing is the "Showstealer Pro Trial Version" watermark, which the creative minds behind the show slapped onto all flashback footage of the first three seasons — as if to say they couldn't get the original footage, and thus had to rip it from a DVD or a similar source. This has enraged people — so much so that there is now a Tumblr dedicated to their anger.

But that's not my favorite part of the uproar — this is:

Fridays can be dull — the office empties out early, things are slow and people are generally just dragging on 'til they can hit Happy Hour and start the weekend off with a buzz.

Thus, we recommend a bit of fun for those who love to take their chances playing cards: making new friends at a small, friendly poker club!

According to a tip culled by our friendly, neighborhood rock critic/lady of listings Linda Ray, the Village Inn at 6251 N. Oracle Road plays home to a number of friendly card sharks who eat lunch from 11:30 a.m. to noon, then play poker in games of the dealer's choosing 'til 3:30.

Now, I'm assuming since this is taking place at a restaurant better known for pie than it is for breeding card sharks, we'll safely assume that you won't be risking any money playing these hands — but, according to the tip we got sent in, "a good time awaits you!"

Probably not that kind of good time, but hey, who can turn down cards at lunch on a slow day?

If you're interested, give a call to 297-9515 — or just show up, order some pie and play a few hands.

In case you were wondering how this whole "El Rio/Grand Canyon University" thing was going...well, it's still a clusterf—k. But it's the kind of clusterf—k that appears to have overwhelming opposition from one side — so much so that it's turning supporters into opponents, such as Ward 1 Councilwoman Regina Romero, who is jumping into the opposition camp in a press conference tomorrow.

For more, check out the release below:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Tucson, AZ - The El Rio Coalition II will be holding a press conference on May 29, 2013, 4:30pm, in front of City Hall, prior to the City of Tucson Mayor and Council Regular Session. At this press conference, we will announce our approval of Councilmember Romero's withdrawal of support for the El Rio/GCU proposal. We hope that the rest of the Mayor and Council will follow suit, and that they will officially end negotiations to sell/lease El Rio Golf Course to GCU.

At the press conference, we will show how the City has conducted itself in a non-transparent and secretive manner, with respect to El Rio Golf Course. In addition to this, we will announce our next course of action. Westside residents demand a seat at the table, regarding economic development, and we want to be part of the process of building a bright and healthy future for Westside Tucson.

On May 12, the El Rio Coalition II, an organization of concerned citizens fighting the plans by the City of Tucson to sell off the El Rio Golf Course, issued a formal request to the City, to review public records. We asked for records to be available for review, as permitted by law, but the City ignored our legal request. We repeated our demand for the review of records in our May 20 meeting with the City Manager. Again, to no avail. It is very clear to us that the City of Tucson has made a decision to stonewall our efforts to access the public documents that we are legally permitted to review.

On May 23, our attorney, Bill Risner, served notice to the City of our intent to sue, unless they complied with our public records request, as required by law, by 4:00pm, the following day. To date, our requests have not been honored. Our rights, as granted by the Arizona State Constitution, will not be denied, and we demand that the City of Tucson provide its citizens the opportunity to review all public records as is our right under state law (statute 39-121):

"Public records and other matters in the custody of any officer shall be open to inspection by any person at all times during office hours."

We are very happy to announce that El Rio Coalition II has received a strong endorsement of our efforts from the Tucson Clean and Beautiful Board of Directors and Staff. We thank them for their courageous
stand, on behalf of our community. The Tucson Historical Preservation Foundation has also pledged their support of the El Rio Coalition II.
We are expecting more endorsements in the next few days.

We wish to express our appreciation of the participation at our recent meetings of individuals from the following neighborhood associations:
Midvale Park, Iron Horse, Silvercroft, West University, Miramonte, Jefferson Park, Flowing Wells, Brichta, Santa Rita, Jollyville, Tucson Mountain Association, Udall, CORE-BANC and Barrio Hollywood. While these neighborhoods are listed for identification only, we expect that when the neighborhood associations meet, we will garner their official support for our efforts to protect our treasured public property.

The El Rio Coalition II is rapidly growing, because other neighborhoods and organizations have felt the brunt of the City's effort to accommodate corporations, at the expense of neighborhoods.
The El Rio Coalition II is committed to continue to fight to protect our 114 acres of culturally and historically significant urban, open green space until the Mayor and Council remove El Rio Golf Course, permanently, from any consideration of its sale or lease to any private entity.

Members of the El Rio Coalition II will be available for interviews, following the press conference. KEEP EL RIO OPEN AND GREEN. EL RIO BELONGS TO THE PEOPLE.

###

It appears that there's a new way for women to have larger, fuller breasts: having them repeatedly slapped by trained professionals.

Before you start accusing me of playing into the whims of the corporate minds at BIG FETISH or whatever (we at Tucson Weekly do not judge you for your fetishes, big or otherwise — big fetishes need love too, after all), apparently this is actually a thing that CNN is reporting on:

A riveting Bangkok Post video takes a look at the shop that provides these treatments, which is owned by Khemmikka Na Songkhla — aka Khunying Tobnom — who has been practising the techniques for two decades.

The procedures include slapping a women’s breasts to make them larger, as well as buttock- and face-slapping to firm things up. According to media reports, the Thai Health Ministry carried out a six-month study on the procedure and determined the slapping technique to be legit.

It appears that the Bangkok Post pulled down the video, though Gawker has mirrored it for all of your "what in the world is this — I must try it" viewing pleasure.

I don't understand the world.

On Sunday, Netflix released a beautiful gift into the world: an entire new season of Arrested Development.

In the first episodes of the series, we get a glimpse of what happened to the characters after the end of the third season.

A quick refresher: When the series left off, George Sr. (Jeffrey Tambor) was using his eldest son GOB's (Will Arnet) magic trick to escape arrest, while his wife, Lucille (Jessica Walter), was commandeering an historic ocean liner with a similar end goal. Meanwhile, perpetually panicked Buster (Tony Hale) fell off the boat, bringing him face to face with his greatest fear: seals. Lindsay (Portia de Rossi) found out she had been adopted, making George Michael's (Michael Cera) crush on his cousin Maeby (Alia Shawkat) slightly less creepy. And, finally deciding to cut ties with the family nonsense, Michael (Jason Bateman) is seen sailing away into the sunset with this son, George Michael.

In other words, it's horribly convoluted and — ultimately — hilarious.

In the new season, Michael is struggling to look after himself financially since distancing himself from the family business. He is pursuing his dream to "Become a Phoenix" by taking online classes. Not to worry though, as he is getting the full college experience by freeloading out of George Michael's dorm room. George Michael and his sort-of cousin who is "definitely not his girlfriend," Maeby, are working to gain independence from the Bluth family by kicking Michael out of the dorm.

Lindsay is taking an Eat, Pray, Love inspired trip to an Indian resort in an effort to let go of her material possessions, find herself and, most importantly, buy some knock off purses in which to keep her material possessions. Lucille and George Sr. are scheming, as always, trying to find a way back on top of the social ladder and avoid the punishments they deserve. I won't spoil it for you, but plan involves doppelgangers, Mexico and questionable parenting decisions.

Tobias (David Cross) and Gob are in the first few episodes, although not heavily featured until later on in the season.

The revival has received mixed reviews. Maybe that's the result of a big build up— the show was on hiatus for seven years and the new season has been getting a lot of hype since it was announced—or maybe this season just isn't as good as the others.

But, there's been a good amount of positive feedback as well. Fans have been loving Kristen Wiig as young Lucile. Wiig can perfectly replicate Lucile's distinctive pursed lips and disinterested side-eye. Seth Rogen joins her as a young George Sr. Rogen's performance is less notable, but does provide an amusing visual for what George Sr. looked like with hair.

This collection of episodes has some notable differences from the previous three seasons. Each episode focuses on an individual Bluth trying to "keep him/herself together." The episodes take place around the same time frame and circle back on events other episodes already covered.

It's not a bad season, and it certainly picks up a few episodes in. The jokes come quicker and the characters settle into themselves. The season doesn't start off as strong as anyone would have hoped, but it is still a great show.

So, grab your frozen bananas and prepare for some puns. The Bluths are back.

On this week's AZ Illustrated Politics: Mayor Jonathan Rothschild, Rio Nuevo Board Chairman Fletcher McCusker and Hotel Congress Entertainment Director David Slutes join host Jim Nintzel to discuss downtown Tucson's growing restaurant scene, the possibilities of a new hotel, the future of the Ronstadt Transit Center and more.

ESPNU's just-completed NCAA baseball selection show began with a clip of Arizona's Brandon Dixon driving in the game-winning run in last year's College World Series, and also included some words of wisdom from UA coach Andy Lopez.

It ended with the Wildcats not getting a chance to defend that title.

Arizona was not among the 64 teams chosen for the postseason, despite a 34-21 record that moved the Wildcats to 15-15 in the Pac-12 tournament. The UA finished tied for fifth in the conference, but only four schools (ASU, Oregon, Oregon State and UCLA) got invites. The latter three get to host regionals this weekend, as Arizona did last year en route to its first NCAA title since 1986.

Thus officially ends the 2012-13 athletic season for the UA, which usually doesn't happen prior to the first 100-degree day of the year. But when the spring season involves a somewhat-rebuilding baseball team and a softball program on its way down and maybe in need of a change in leadership, sometimes these things happen.

The world will not end, Wildcat fans. Just remember that it's only 95 days until the football team opens against Northern Arizona on Aug. 30 at the newly renovated Arizona Stadium, followed a week later by what sounds like it will be the road trip to end all road trips, a Sept. 7 game at UNLV in Las Vegas.

So, let's rap.

Today is Friday, May 24.

Next Friday, one week from today, is the last day of the month, May 31.

On that day, we're closing voting for this year's Best of Tucson®.

Therefore, you have ONE WEEK to get your ballots in regarding the absolute best that Tucson has to offer — like whether or not Brooklyn Pizza will retain their Best Pizza; if Club Congress is still the best place for you to dance the night away; if Jon Justice is the absolute best at...uh...whatever it is that he does.

One week.

Make it count.

• beerpulse.com
• Yeah, they went there.

Apparently Hanson, the band of mop-topped brothers from the mid-'90s that all of the girls I went to elementary school with cooed about, has shifted priorities a bit.

They've gone from focusing directly on music (and families and whatever) to, uh....beer.

From Beer Pulse:

Some of you will be celebrating Memorial Day Weekend with a trip to the movies to watch Hangover 3. Hanson’s Mmmbop makes an appearance in the flick so the band was invited to the movie premiere earlier this week.

They brought beer.

The MmmHops beer concept that the band revealed back in November of 2011 is now a reality thanks to the work of Mustang Brewing. Both the band and the brewery hail from Oklahoma and a tasting event was held at a bar there last year. The final product is a pale ale.

In a red carpet interview at the premiere, the band quipped that “You can now get a hangover with Hanson,” before belting out an ear-shattering a capella rendition of an upcoming tune. They also said that the beer would be available “this month.”

No word on whether or not this beer will be carried around here anywhere (though I'm looking at you, Plaza Liquors and the fairly-soon-to-open Tap and Bottle), but when it does, I'll be sure to dive atop that hop grenade for each and every one of you.

It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.