Oh, Miley Cyrus. You used to be such an adorable scamp, what with your Disney Channel sitcom/toy-selling vehicle, music and movie career.

But, as pretty much everyone with a computer has seen, Miley went wild at last night's MTV Video Music Awards, collaborating on stage with "Blurred Lines" singer Robin Thicke as both a performer and a prop for Miley Cyrus to grind upon — and yeah, treat this link as NSFW.

For those who aren't going to follow that link (not a bad decision, mind you) here's a preview of what you would've seen, in GIF form (editor's note: I put the rest behind the cut, so you have to make a conscious decision to expose your brain and soul to such things):

Arizona might have claimed the Territorial Cup for sports-related supremacy this past school year, but our fine collegiate student body has nothing on what Arizona State has accomplished already for the 2013-2014 campaign.

Classes began Thursday at Girls Gone Wild University and Casino, which obviously meant the days leading up to the start of the fall semester needed to be spent risking one's place at the school. At least that's how it seems based on the statistics released by ASU's police department from its 'Safe and Sober' special enforcement detail.

The Phoenix New Times has all the boozy details, but here's just a few. Consider them cautionary tales, young Wildcats. Or, maybe, inspiration:

* 1,421 stops (made on campus by ASUPD and seven nearby police departments)
* 371 arrests (91 for DUI, 17 for extreme DUI, 2 for aggravated DUI)
* An average blood-alcohol level of .131 for DUI suspects

It's hard to imagine the UA's fine contingent of degenerates future leaders could put up such lofty numbers, considering how little driving can be done on campus now thanks to the multitude of parking garages and the I-still-think-they'll-never-get-used modern streetcar tracks.

Add in the likely, ahem, activity that's sure to come out of existing student housing complexes like The District, Stone Avenue Standard and The Seasons as well as new compounds like The Retreat, Level and The Cadence (all of which, I envision, have parties similar to how Gary and Wyatt had in Weird Science) and we might have ourselves another way to compare the UA-ASU rivalry.

Bad news for Tucson's music lovers: Toxic Ranch Records, supporters of the local punk, independent and underground sound, has announced that it will be closing soon, citing a desire from TRR's landlords to expand their own space.

From the TRR Facebook page:

A few of you may have heard, but we've been given notice from our landlords (owners of Caruso's) that we need to vacate the building by the end of this year. They supposedly have plans to expand their restaurant and evidently we are in their way. We are considering a re-location to a smaller, more affordable space, but after some major personal changes in the last 2 years, and declining foot traffic, and the gentrification of downtown Tucson it may make sense to call it quits and convert to an online-only business. Instead of crying about it, we have remodeling the space to better accomadate live music and plan on a series of in-store performances, to celebrate our 22 years of supporting underground music before we are officially given the boot. Look for updates on coming live events. And would it kill you to drop by and pick up that record, t-shirt or other gimcrack you've had your eye on before it's too late?

On last night's AZ Illustrated Politics: Congressman Ron Barber talked about the prospects of immigration reform and his own legislation to develop better metrics to measure the effectiveness of Border Patrol strategies; his concern about the cost of government-built housing in Ajo; his recent letter calling for more public comment on the Rosemont Mine; and the chances of a government shutdown later this year.

Then Tucson Hispanic Chamber of Commerce President Lea Marquez-Peterson, Tucson Tea Party founder Trent Humphries and attorney Jeff Rogers talked about the RNC's recent resolution opposing a path to citizenship for any undocumented people now in the United States; the ongoing battle over the Rosemont Mine; and Arizona Treasurer Doug Ducey's latest maneuvers in his exploratory campaign for governor next year.

Torta de huevo, Sonoran-style tepary beans, homemade tortillas, fruit salad, pan dulce, coffee and horchata are on the menu for a Tucson's Birthday breakfast from 7 to 10 a.m., Sunday, Aug. 25, and a short walk takes you to the place where the Old Pueblo's earliest residents made their home.

The predictions for Arizona's football season in terms of performance have ranged from the disappointing (Sports Illustrated says 5-7, with only two wins in the Pac-12) to the realistic (I'm guessing 7-5) to the delusional ('Rose Bowl, baby!!!' according to 70 percent of radio show callers).

At least the Wildcats know that if the pigskin pursuits don't work out, a good number of the players have at least a fighting chance of getting on So You Think You Can Dance or one of those other ridiculous reality/talent shows.

Check out the video from Arizona's 'first annual end-of-camp dance-off,' as head coach Rich Rodriguez put it. And make sure to stick around to the end to see RichRod himself do what I can only imagine is probably called something like the West Virginia Wiggle.

• Linda Ronstadt

Details are apparently forthcoming as part of an extended interview set to run next week, but the unfortunate news for the day is that AARP.com announced that Tucson legend Linda Ronstadt has Parkinson's disease, which has robbed her of the ability to sing and needs assistance to walk:

Legendary singer Linda Ronstadt, 67, told AARP today that she “can’t sing a note” because she suffers from Parkinson’s disease. Diagnosed eight months ago, Ronstadt began to show symptoms as long as eight years ago. But she ascribed her inability to sing to a tick bite (“my health has never recovered since then”), and believed the shaking in her hands resulted from shoulder surgery.

In a wide-ranging interview with AARP’s music writer Alanna Nash to be published on aarp.org next week, Ronstadt revealed how she discovered that “there was something wrong” with her voice.

“I couldn’t sing,” she told Nash, “and I couldn’t figure out why. I knew it was mechanical. I knew it had to do with the muscles, but I thought it might have also had something to do with the tick disease that I had. And it didn’t occur to me to go to a neurologist. I think I’ve had it for seven or eight years already, because of the symptoms that I’ve had. Then I had a shoulder operation, so I thought that’s why my hands were trembling.

“Parkinson’s is very hard to diagnose, so when I finally went to a neurologist and he said, ‘Oh, you have Parkinson’s disease,’ I was completely shocked. I wouldn’t have suspected that in a million, billion years.

“No one can sing with Parkinson’s disease,” Ronstadt said. “No matter how hard you try.”

Ronstadt walks with the aid of poles when on uneven ground, and uses a wheelchair when she travels.

• Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

There are plenty of made up occasions and pseudo-holidays, but blog-for-smart-people The Awl are celebrating the third year of one of the finest of the mostly-imaginary celebrations: Duck Out for a Drink Day.

Participating is easy: Leave work early. Go get a drink. That's about it.

From The Awl:

You work hard, you don't call attention to yourself, and you give it as much of yourself as you have. You, in short, deserve some kind of prize. Unfortunately, that's not the way the world works. But there is one day a year where your toil is acknowledged, however briefly. That's right: the Founding Fathers, in George Washington's famous "Fuck This Shit" section of The Federalist Papers (later withdrawn due to a great deal of internecine dispute which we do not have the space to get into here), established August 25th as "the day upon which the noble worker shall sneake off to quickly imbibe whilft in the midft of his labors," or, as it has come to be known, National Duck Out For A Drink Day. The 25th falls on a Sunday this year, meaning that today's the day we observe the holiday in which you take time for yourself to sneak out to a nearby tavern and knock back a couple beers, slam a few shots, or, depending on how long you think you can linger, treat yourself to a few jumbo cocktails. Be sure to bring a couple co-workers with you: National Duck Out For A Drink Day is even more enjoyable if you think about it as a team-building exercise that you've put together on your own, where the only "trust falls" are actual stumbles. Remember, if you're out at the bar during work hours it's like they're paying you to drink! Go do us proud, workers of America! (Unless your job involves creating some kind of syphilis vaccine, in which case what you're doing is way too important for you to take even a moment away from it.)

For your Friday pretending-to-work needs (and possibly in tribute to Get Air Tucson), here's a compilation of animals jumping on trampolines, set to the soothing tones of House of Pain's "Jump Around." Enjoy.

[HT: Laughing Squid]

I'm sure you've all heard it by now. Ben Affleck is the new Batman.

From Variety magazine:

The actor will replace Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne in the upcoming untitled Batman-Superman feature for Warner Bros., the studio announced Thursday.

Affleck becomes the eighth actor to play the Caped Crusader, following Bale, George Clooney and Michael Keaton.

“We knew we needed an extraordinary actor to take on one of DC Comics’ most enduringly popular Super Heroes, and Ben Affleck certainly fits that bill, and then some,” WB president Greg Silverman said in a statement.

Directed by “Man of Steel” filmmaker Zack Snyder, the Batman-Superman feature will open worldwide on July 17, 2015, with Henry Cavill, Amy Adams and Diane Lane reprising their roles.

Well, with the Internet being a fickle beast and all, the news wasn't taken so well. Here's a lot of tweets decrying the decision. One pissed-off fan got serious and created a White House petition to make sure the Batcape won't be sullied by any Boston buffoonery.

Personally, I could care less. I've never been much of a superhero movie fan, save for Tim Burton's Batman in 1989... because I was 11 years old.

I can remember the casting of Michael Keaton ruffled a few dork feathers back then too. You know what? That worked out just fine. In fact, there's still a lot of Keaton fans out there who want to see him back in the Batcave.

Isn't the real problem here Bruce Wayne, and not the alter ego? As far as I can tell, anybody can don the costume (except for director Joel Schumacher's version of the costume, with the emphasis on the nipples) and wreak some havoc, but you have to have some chops to pull off Wayne. I believe Affleck will do just fine in that role as the reclusive millionaire that everybody is kinda ambivalent about.

Remember, this will be a Zack Snyder film. It's going to suck no matter who's behind the mask. Calm down, Internet.