I humbly submit the following description from the Facebook page of the new bar Trainwreck Saloon, which opens Wednesday, Feb. 15, at 213 N. Fourth Ave., the north end of the Maloney's building:

[Editor's note: They can't seem to decide on whether "Train Wreck" is one word or two, although since there's already a small chain of "Train Wreck Saloon's" in Missouri, I think the single word version might win out.]

The girls at Train Wreck are hot, empowered and always out to have a good time - they are more likely to go hogging then to go clubbing and their jeans are worn out because they wear them not because they bought them that way.

Train Wreck guests don't drink martini's - they drink beer and bourbon; the stuff they were raised on and the same stuff they can put in their cooler for the races or when they are fishing. No need for the good stuff; the cheap stuff does the job - as long as a hot girl is pouring it.

I never anticipated the opening of a country bar on Fourth Avenue and it should be a blast to see how this all pans out. And, while we're on the subject, is "hogging" riding a motorcycle, wrestling pigs or something so nefarious that there's a secret code word for it?

The new restaurant Agustin Brasserie at Mercado San Agustin doesn't open until mid-February, but cocktails will be available in the market's courtyard starting today! Hooray! From the press release:

The Agustin team also includes some of Tucson’s restaurant superstars; like Pete Hoge, award-winning bartender/mixologist who ruled the bar at Kingfisher Bar and Grill for over 15 years and has over 30 years of experience in the restaurant business. He has spent the last few months fine tuning the cocktail list and is thrilled to be managing the bar program at Agustin, “the cocktail menu is all about old-school, hand crafted, classic cocktails”. As in the creation of the food menu, the cocktails at Agustin are all made with the finest, freshest ingredients available. The final result is an exceptional cocktail list featuring classic libations such as the Pimm’s Cup and Sidecar, as well as New Orleans’ favorites like the French 75 and Big Easy.

While a grand opening is planned for mid- February, those who would like an early preview of the bar offerings at Agustin can enjoy some of Pete Hoge’s cocktail creations in the courtyard at the Mercado Beginning on Thursday, Feb 2, daily from 3pm-7pm until official opening.

Ummm ... yes please! There's more on Mercado San Agustin over here.

While superstar New York chef admits in the video itself that he's had a fair amount of the liquor he's discussing here, David Chang does provide quite a bit of actually helpful information about bourbon, even if he recommends the Pappy Van Winkle line that is too expensive for me to buy and that Tucson Weekly online TV columnist Jordan Green selfishly keeps in his house where I can not regularly drink it.

The new bar and lounge Playground at 278 E. Congress opened at 4 p.m. today, Thursday, Jan. 12. I've been lurking around over on the place's Facebook page and checking out the pictures of the interior and outdoor cinema area, both of which are pretty cool looking.

Four bars in one building and a menu of interesting snack foods should add up to a pretty good time. Oh, and did I mention the place has an 80-square-foot video screen? It's going to be packed tonight, so if you want a good seat you'll probably want to get there early early.

What Aaron DeFeo does with liquor is about as close to alchemy as I ever expect to get. I remember one afternoon when he mixed an ancient recipe for what he called "the original martini" and how the three or four liquors used morphed into a new flavor that tasted nothing like any of the constituent liquors employed.

Since he's take the reins of the cocktail programs at Casino Del Sol he's taken his passion for crafty libations to new places. He's playing with a little molecular mixology and has basically infused the entire casino with some of the finest drinks around.

And now he's getting ready to kick off a new cocktail-class series that he says will be akin to what he offered when he ran the cocktail programs at Hotel Congress and Maynards. The first one takes place Saturday, Feb. 18, and attendees even get a bar tool. More information on that over here.

DeFeo says five more classes will follow, and that those who attend the entire series will end up with a full set of bar tools and a "certificate of distinction."

The folks at NoRTH at La Encantada are unveiling the newest vintage of Fox Restaurant Concept's custom-crafted wine from 3 to 6 p.m., Friday, Dec. 23.

The new vintage was made at Misha's Vineyard in New Zealand and is the eighth signature vintage Sam Fox's restaurant company has produced. The wine will be available
My wine expertise sort of grinds to a halt whenever the price tag goes over $11.99 - I'm working on it - so for the time being here's a description from the folks who handle public relations for the company:

The Fox Block Eight is a landmark vintage in several ways for Jasper and Fox Restaurant Concepts. It fulfills the goal of producing an international Pinot blend, created with renowned New Zealand winemaker Olly Masters of Misha’s Vineyard. As the popularity of Fox Block continues to grow, it also signifies Jasper’s success in finding Pinot high-end producers that own their land, and are capable and willing to commit a significant “block” of their vineyards and resources exclusively to a Fox Block vintage. From producing 140 cases of the initial Fox Block One1, Fox Restaurant Concepts will now release over 2,200 cases for the New Zealand Fox Block Eight

Such a waste. So much lost to this one man's hubris. When will people learn? WHEN??

[Eater]

• The spot for the enormous video screen in the lower bar of Playground.

Right now it's sort of a skeleton of what's to come, but the 82-square-foot video screen and the big rectangular bar are shaping up nicely. Upstairs the small craft bar Detention is also starting to come together, although it probably won't be ready for the opening later this month.

Out back one can start to see what Mislinski's bar-cinema will entail - think movie nights and cocktails leaning toward the tropical side of things - and there's even a small chocolate shop called The Chocolate Fox coming in.

All in all, the project aims to play up themes that reach back to childhood memories, and Mislinski is ever narrowing and sharpening the concept as it evolves. He's also weaving in clever techie details like video screens that show through the mirror in the women's restroom and light controls that change the hues of the walls. The plans also call for bringing in live music, DJs and video artists who can make the most of the place's enormous audio-visual capacities.

Add to that some unique food offerings like gourmet popcorn, nuts, olives and other small plates; a rooftop dining area being modeled in a treehouse theme; and a slew of other unique touches like swing decorations dangling from the ceiling, and you have Playground.

You can get on the list for the grand opening over here.

• Swings on the ceiling!

The good news is that the vanilla porter is both unique and delicious. Slightly fizzy, almost chocolatey, with just a hint of cream soda or something like that. They're going to start selling growlers of it this Wednesday when the place kicks of its regular tasting house. That is all.

• What a crowd!

It's a little silly that national publications feel the need to make lists of the best whatever in America. While I imagine a magazine like Food & Wine does have the ability to visit bars all over the country, they are always going to be working off a limited sample size. I wouldn't even feel comfortable saying what the best bar in Arizona is and I've lived in the state and gone to a lot of bars across the state. There's probably an amazing place to drink in Kingman or somewhere that I'll never step foot inside simply because it's not on my radar. I can tell you twenty great bars in the state, but my idea of what's the "best" will always be based on incomplete information.

Food & Wine's list of the 50 "best" bars in America, besides its super annoying presentation in slideshow form, shows off the limitations of the concept. According to the magazine, it would appear San Francisco is essentially the only place in America worth drinking, with New York, LA and Chicago predictably dominating the remainder of the mentions with a few other cities getting a mention for some sort of balance. However, I've had drinks in several of the SF bars mentioned (although F&W left off my favorite bar there, the shockingly affordable 15 Romolo in North Beach) and while many of those bars make a great cocktail, a drink from Scott and Co. is competitive with any of them and at a much more affordable price. I'm probably severely biased in thinking that Tucson bars like Scott and Co. and the bars of Hotel Congress should be included, but I'm imagining that there are great places in other cities that are missing from the list simply because the Food & Wine staff is in the Bay Area quite a bit and can tack on their $15 drinks to an expense account.

It's definitely an argument of semantics to care whether a list is titled "the 50 best" or "50 very good", but as purveyors of information, we're supposed to be telling the truth at the end of the day. Why make a statement that can't be said definitively, even if it's not great for your site's SEO?