The Christian film review site (although the term "review" is somewhat generous) Movieguide is often good for a laugh, not necessarily because they carefully index nearly every American film for profanity, nudity, humanist or socialist worldviews, or the stink of Darwinist thinking, but because their obsessive cataloging can lead to some unintentional (I assume) comedy.

In the case of ABCs of Death, now playing at the Loft, you'd think the site's managers could just skip the film, featuring 26 directors from around the world delving into rather disturbing death fantasies, entirely and leave the summary as a giant "NO" in 45-point type. If you sincerely own a copy of the Purpose-Driven Life and don't own a copy of the Korean horror film Old-Boy on Blu-Ray, it's almost a certainty you will hate this movie.

However, in case you were wondering what you're getting yourself into buying a ticket, here's a selection from the Movieguide summary:

Very strong pagan, self-indulgent horror anthology, with one segment attacking the United States and capitalism; 38 obscenities (mostly “f” words), one strong profanity, one light profanity, plus cartoon feces segment and toilet slaughters people; extreme violence with much blood and gore includes chainsaw murder, man impaled, cat is gruesomely killed, fat woman carves up her body with a chainsaw to look thin, spider bites man then crawls inside him and a bunch of baby spiders come out of his ears, character electrocuted, etc.; extreme sexual content includes depicted fornication, men tied up and forced to watch nude sex acts (including implied pedophilia) while graphically abusing themselves or they will be impaled, nude dancing, female teacher passionately kisses her student, anal fixations, another segment contains references to pedophilia, and a huge phallic device spews rice many times while a woman’s vagina spews vegetables in one segment; extreme nudity includes shots full male and female nudity, rear nudity, and upper female nudity; alcohol use; no smoking but some drug references in one segment; and, men held against their will, illegal fight with a dog, people tease a very overweight girl, moral relativism.

There's an illegal fight with a dog, moral relativism AND a segment attacking capitalism? Loft Cinema, how dare you bring this filth into our community.

I'm not one to subscribe to the crackpot theories of conspiracy fanatics of any particular political bent — I prefer to come up with my own crackpot theories, thankyouverymuch — but this one seems to have struck a particular chord with me: a theory raising the question as to whether or not the destruction of the Death Star was an inside job, organized by the family of Luke, Leia and Anakin Skywalker.

For those confused, this is an obvious, Star Wars-centric send-up of the Loose Change 9/11 conspiracy video that's floated around the internet in various forms since 2005. And honestly, it's masterfully done, arranging the plot inconsistencies of the Star Wars films (and man, there are plenty), in such a way that you might actually begin to think that George Lucas arranged the movies in such a way as to raise these questions...At least, until you remember that the Star Wars series is a space opera fusion of Westerns and Samurai films that appears to have been planned as thoroughly as a child's first interaction with Lego blocks.

Still, the video is worth a watch, especially if you've dabbled in conspiracy theories a time or two, you dig the hell out of Star Wars, or you want to kill seven minutes listening to a guy talk about a fictional movie universe. Your call.

In 1983, Sierra Vista's Jessica Cox was born without arms.

Now, she's a motivational speaker, martial arts black belt, certified as the first armless person to hold a pilot's license and subject of a forthcoming documentary about her life.

From indiegogo.com:

Inspirational in tone, RIGHTFOOTED is a documentary about Jessica Cox’s amazing life and work as a motivational speaker and advocate for the disabled. On February 2, 1983 at a hospital in Sierra Vista, Arizona, a baby came into this world without arms as a result of a rare birth defect. Everyone who was there that day recalls their emotions of helplessness when they first saw little Jessica. Especially devastated was her mother Inez, who was overwrought. Who would take care of this child as she grew to become an adult, and who would love her? What kind of life could she have without the ability to do even the most basic things like eat or hold a phone or drive? With incredible perseverance and faith, Jessica Cox has learned to do all of those things and much more — with her feet. Against all odds but with strong faith and the help of her family, she put herself through high school and then college, typing papers with her toes. She got her driver’s license and then astonishingly, her pilots license — a feat that landed her in the Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s only armless pilot. It also allowed her to do what she’d always dreamed of doing: launching a career as a motivational speaker and advocate for the disabled.

Honestly, this is one of the cooler stories I've heard about, and that's partially because I seem to have trouble tying decent shoelace knots by hand, while Cox nails a quality lace-up with her feet alone. But really, this documentary seems like it could be, at the very least, could help Cox reach her goal of assisting and inspiring disabled people and children all across the globe.

My one concern, as someone looking in from the outside and hoping that it doesn't take this tone, is that it might lean in the direction of "look at how this woman was able to do these things...WITHOUT ARMS!" I mean, that's a great hook and all, but part of what should be celebrated is the way she was able to completely tear things up in her life, becoming a pilot, multiple-time black belt, and international-known speaker.

For more on the project, check out the Indiegogo project above, or see her website, rightfooted.com.

Edit: Now would also be a good time to note that Cox also did an "Ask Me Anything" Q&A session on Reddit earlier today. Check it out here.

Today is March 14—you know, 3/14—making today National Pi Day.

As you might remember from those algebra classes you took at some point in the past, pi is an irrational number that's most easily defined as the ratio of a circle's circumference to it diameter—and since a circle's circumference is always juuuust a bit more than three times its diameter (though not exactly so,) the figure is often represented as being 3.14159265...and stretching on into infinity. Which is cool.

But really, Pi Day is just a damn good day for nerds to gather around and eat pie. Which, again, is cool.

The Loft Cinema, however, has taken things into a different direction, as they'll be screening Darren Aronofsky's debut feature film, Pi this evening at 7 p.m.

A film synopsis from The Loft Cinema:

In Pi, reclusive math genius Max (Sean Gullette) believes "everything can be understood in terms of numbers," and that patterns exist everywhere: in nature, in science, in religion, in business. Max spends his days searching for these patterns in everything, when he’s not suffering mysterious headaches, playing Go with a former teacher or fooling around with an advanced computer system named Euclid he’s built in his NYC apartment. Unfortunately, Max is not the not the only one looking for these universal patterns, and soon everyone from Wall Street investors, looking to break the market, to Hasidic Jews, searching for the 216-digit number that reveals the true name of God, are trying to get their hands on the secrets in Max’s head. Distracted by blackout attacks, hallucinations and paranoid delusions, Max begins to lose his grip on reality as the increasingly dangerous world closes in around him.

Following the film, University of Arizona professors Bruce J. Bayly and Kenneth D. McLaughlin will be leading a discussion on pi, infinity, and other such weighty topics.

For more information and to purchase tickets (starting at $9.25, with discounts available), check out the Loft Cinema website.

Almost a year after it earned a Best Narrative Feature Nod at the 2012 Tribeca Film Festival, director David Riker’s The Girl is set for an exclusive Tucson run at the AMC Loews Foothills 15, 7401 N La Cholla Blvd, this Friday.

The film, tinged with the timeliness of immigration issues and starring Abbie Cornish, was produced by the same team behind the Academy Awards Best Picture nominee Beasts of the Southern Wild. While The Girl lacks any Quvenzhane Wallis facetime, another precocious young actress, Maritza Santiago Hernandez, was discovered and cast to play the title role of Rosa, the girl Cornish’s character feels inclined to protect.

Spring is the consummate “out with the old, in with the new” season in the movie world, as film festivals screen both highly-anticipated blockbusters and low-profile indies that may hold equal weight next award season.

The 66th Cannes Film Festival looks like no exception to that rule: festival organizers announced yesterday that Baz Luhrmann’s adaptation of The Great Gatsby will kick off Cannes on May 15, five days after it opens in U.S. theaters.

I’ve been a bit shaky on the film since its release date was pushed back from Christmas Day 2012 to May, supposedly to avoid Leonardo DiCaprio overload (could there ever be such a thing?) when Django Unchained premiered that same day. That, and the fact that Luhrmann hired Jay-Z to score the film in January - the month after it was originally slated to debut - and you’ve got what seems like a very messy film on your hands. I like the rapper more than the next person, but somewhere F. Scott Fitzgerald is rolling in his grave.

Pour yourself a White Russian and call a toast to the Dude: the Coen Brothers’ classic The Big Lebowski is celebrating its 15th anniversary this week.

Despite being considered a box office flop for only grossing $5 million in its opening weekend (still, not bad for a film with a budget of $17 million - Hollywood is a fickle that way), The Big Lebowski and its pot-smoking, drink-swilling, perpetually-confused hero live on as cult favorites venerated by film fans across the globe.

The secret to how The Dude has abided for this long is a mystery even to Jeff Bridges, who has gone on to win an Academy Award for Crazy Heart and another nomination for his role in True Grit since starring in The Big Lebowski.

Tying with Les Misèrables for second place with the most awards received at the 85th Academy Awards, Argo achieved three Oscar vistories on Sunday night, including the prestigious Best Picture award. It beat out Life of Pi (which took home four awards, the most of the night), Amour, Les Misèrables, Lincoln, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Silver Linings Playbook, Django Unchained and Zero Dark Thirty for the prominent award.

Nominated for seven total awards, Argo also won in the film editing and writing categories. William Goldenberg was the film editor and Chris Terrio was the writer.

Lead actor and director of the film, Ben Affleck, was not nominated in the directing category by the Academy. This is the first time since 1990 that a film has won best picture without a nomination for the director as well.

"Naturally, I was disappointed," Affleck said in an article on The Age. "But when I look at the directors who weren't nominated - Paul Thomas Anderson, Kathryn Bigelow, Tom Hooper, Quentin Tarantino, these were all amazing directors who I admire."

Although Affleck and fans of the movie were thrilled about its success, Iran was not so pleased with the award.

• Courtesy of Tumblr, dailydot

When it comes to Jennifer Lawrence’s night at the Oscars, this GIF pretty much covers it.

The Best Actress winner was the silver lining of last night’s Academy Awards: delivering plenty of GIF-worthy hijinks, flippant quotes and, of course, the wipeout seen ‘round the world, Lawrence provided much-needed charisma to a still better-than-average telecast.

The J-Law (jury’s still out on this moniker, but hey, it’s catchy) Oscar Comedy Tour began on the red carpet, where the actress lamented the sad lack of an all-you-can-eat buffet in the otherwise decked-out Dolby Theatre (“Is there food here?! Sorry, I’m so obsessed with food,” she exclaimed to Ryan Seacrest) and jokingly feigned ignorance at fashion reporters when they asked about the Dior Haute Couture “pieces” she was wearing (“What do you mean? This is the top...and this is the bottom”).

Once inside the theater, Lawrence settled down, got ready for her close-up and proceeded to nail one hilarious reaction shot after another, including the one above in response to MacFarlane’s groan-inducing “We Saw Your Boobs” song. The cheeky fist pump came in response to the line, “We haven’t seen Jennifer Lawrence’s boobs at all!” I foresee an uptick in straight male viewers next year, hoping for an updated version.

• Courtesy of the Fox Tucson Theatre

If your living room’s sorry lack of a red carpet is a detriment to your Oscar experience, the Fox Theatre has you covered for Sunday’s festivities. For the fourth year in a row, the Fox is hosting the Oscar Experience for Tucsonans seeking a bit of glamour on film’s big night.

Besides being the only screening of the show officially sanctioned by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences in Tucson, the Fox pitted against even the most impressive of home theaters is hardly a contest. The restored theater goes back to the Golden Age of Hollywood, and the interior is stunning enough ("The ceiling! The mosaics! The vintage marquee!" Do I sound like a red carpet commentator yet?) to draw comparisons as the Kodak Theatre of the Southwest. Pardon, the “Dolby Theatre”...still trying to get used to that.