Gilberto Valle, 28 and a six-year veteran of the New York Police Department, is being accused of planning to kidnap and eat people, using his police database to identify and target as many as 100 women.

According to CBS New York:

Valle’s alleged barbaric plot involved months of scheming with at least two co-conspirators online to abduct women, kill them, and eat their cooked remains, the FBI said.

“As it came together and they followed these discussions going through the summer, about kidnapping individual people, they had monitoring these chat rooms and then yesterday arrested Valle,” CBS News Senior Correspondent John Miller said.

Let's pause; I'm astounded that they thought that chat rooms, of any variety, are a safe place to discuss anything, much less cannibalistic crimes.

Valle talked about his sick plot in an online chat:

“How big is your oven?” a co-conspirator asks.

“Big enough to fit one of these girls if I folded their legs….The abduction will have to be flawless…I know all of them…as for Victim #1, I can just show up at her home unannounced. It will not alert her, and I can knock her out, wait until dark, and kidnap her right out of her home,” Valle says.

A co-conspirator says: “How could we put her over the fire, spitting kills the girl. Have to put her in kind of cage. What is your favorite cut of meat.”

Valle responds: “I was thinking of tying her body to some kind of apparatus… cook her over low heat, keep her alive as long as possible.”

And that's where this story takes a turn from strange to straight-up wrong.

Upon obtaining Valle's computer, federal investigators found detailed documents detailing files for more than 100 potential targets, as well as at least one complete kidnapping blueprint. They also uncovered a plan in which Valle would have been paid $5,000 to kidnap a second victim.

Officially, Valle is charged with one count of conspiracy to commit kidnapping, which carries a maximum sentence of life in prison and a maximum fine of $250,000. He is also charged with one count of intentionally and knowingly accessing a computer without authorization and exceeding his authorized access for allegedly using police computers to locate potential victims, officials said.

I'd say that Valle appears to have bit off more than he could chew with this plan, but that'd probably be in bad taste.

For the complete story, head over to CBS New York.

This is why booze and rare birds don't mix.

Two University of California-Berkley law students were arrested in Las Vegas last Friday for allegedly decapitating an exotic bird inside the wildlife refuge at the Flamingo Hotel and Casino.

Eric Cuellar, 24, and Justin Teixeira, 24, have been charged with — I didn't know there was such a specific charge, but then again, it is Vegas — the willful, malicious torture or killing of wildlife, according to the Las Vegas Sun. That's a felony, boys and girls.

The two self-professed law students were seen chasing a "14-year-old helmeted guinea fowl" into a tree-covered area of the Flamingo's courtyard, which hotel guests and anyone randomly coming in off the street can stroll through. Though not seen on surveillance video, a witness allegedly saw the two men walk out of the trees carrying the bird's body, and it's severed head.

I no longer feel that bad at all about any of the ridiculous things I've ended up doing in Vegas.

The Pima County Sheriff's Department has some new firepower equipment out on the streets, having recently upgraded its Tasers to the new X2 model.

This bad boy, according to a press release, "allows for more accuracy, dual shot and warning arc capabilities, and is more rugged and durable in its design." It also looks like something out of RoboCop, which is never a bad thing.

The new stun guns were paid for with proceeds from drug seizures, PCSD says, though the department did manage to get more than $200,000 off the purchase price by trading in about 700 older models.

Homicide Survivors, a nonprofit organization operated in conjunction with the Pima County Attorney's Office, is holding a safety fair and candlelight vigil Saturday in conjunction with the annual National Day of Remembrance for Murder Victims.

The event, which is free and open to the public, is being held at St. Augustine Cathedral, 192 S. Stone Ave., and begins at 3 p.m. with the safety fair. The memorial is scheduled to begin at 5:30 p.m., and anyone who has lost a loved one to homicide is encouraged to attend.

The safety fair will include information provided by the attorney's office, the Pima County Sheriff's Department, 88-CRIME, Tu Nidito, and the Southern Arizona Mental Health Center, among others.

For more information call 740-5729 or go to the Homicide Survivors Web site.

Saturday morning is getting off to a dangerous start, according to Tucson police, who have blocked off Oracle Road between Miracle Mile and Fort Lowell because of an 'ongoing high priority shooting incident.' They've also closed access to the cemetery in the area while the situation is being handled.

From the Tucson Police Department's Facebook page:

Traffic Alert: Due to an on-going high priority shooting incident, North Oracle Road between West Miracle Mile and West Fort Lowell will be closed in both directions for the next several hours. In addition, access to Evergreen Cemetery is restricted due to safety concerns. Police are investigating a shooting incident that occurred in the neighborhood to the east and across the street from the cemetery. The suspect is believed to be armed with weaponry capable of reaching the cemetery if fired. Additional information willbe released as it becomes available. Please avoid the area if possible. The road closures and activity is expected to continue for the next several hours while TPD personnel address the situation.

Update: It appears the incident ended around 11 a.m. when the suspect walked out of an apartment in the area and surrendered without conflict. Police are saying this began about 4 a.m. when someone reported being shot while sitting in their car.

Working for the City of Tucson or Pima County does not absolve one of the law, seven current or former government employees have found out this week.

Five corrections officers from the Pima County Jail were arrested by Tucson police Wednesday — and booked into their own jail, mind you — on various aggravated assault charges after they allegedly viciously beating and kicking three adults and a juvenile outside the Buffet Bar on 9th Street.

The incident happened about 2 a.m. Wednesday, and according to police began when a man trying to unlock his bike in front of the Buffet was jumped by five men. After getting a friend from inside the bar to come help him retrieve the bike the same five men attacked those two until bar employees came out to break up the fight.

A few minutes later, though, the suspects returned and started kicking one of the victims while on the ground, police said. A resident from the area and his 17-year-old son left their house and went to the scene to try and break it up but instead both were attacked by one of the alleged assailants, police said.

None of the suspects were at the scene when police arrived, but later Wednesday police managed to arrest John Hyatt, 30; Steven Haglund, 26; Anthony Bonfiglio, 25; Matthew Garcia, 24; and Angel Castaneda, 23.

UPDATE: Haglund and Castaneda were fired Thursday by the Pima County Sheriff's Department, while 10 others — the other three arrestees and five more corrections officers who were apparently at the bar during the incident — have been put on administrative leave.

Earlier this week it was the City of Tucson's employees (or former employees, rather) who came afoul of the law.

Two recently fired city transportation workers were indicted Monday on felony counts of fraud, theft and criminal enterprise stemming from their alleged misuse of city equipment to do private jobs. Kurt Hough, a former administrator for the streets division, and Bobby Palomarez, a former streets supervisor, are scheduled to be arraigned next week in Pima County Superior Court.

Hough and Palomarez were among five transportation employees who resigned or were fired earlier this month after a nearly year-long investigation by the city found numerous times when the employees did unauthorized work, including building a retaining wall for an electrician's facility and paving the roads leading into a cemetery.

Of all of Arizona's odd laws, the one that applies to penalizing idiot drivers for getting stuck in washes and flooded underpasses is my favorite. If you somehow think it's okay to drive through a water-covered area where water wouldn't normally be, you deserve to get punished.

Recent information released by the Pima County Sheriff's Office just proves my stance.

The PCSO announced Monday it had arrested two women for driving children through flooded washes in separate instances last week. The first involved Tiffany Sherman, 18, who called 911 last Thursday night to say her Buick was stuck in a wash on Sandario Road west of the Tucson Mountains. Oh, and she had her 1-month-old with her.

When deputies and rescue crews arrived they found the water had gotten up to Sherman's hips, while her baby — wearing only a diaper — was swaddled in a blanket. Both were extracted without injury, but then Sherman was arrested on suspicion of child abuse and the child was turned over to its grandmother.

Then, on Friday morning, PCSO deputies and Drexel Heights firefighters had to rescue 29-year-old Edna Encinas and her three kids (ages 11, 6 and 2) after Encinas apparently decided the 'ROAD CLOSED' signs at Valencia Road and Camino Verde didn't apply to her. Her Dodge got stuck in a wash, but instead of calling 911 she called a two truck, and after the tow truck driver quickly saw he had no shot of getting her out, he called 911.

All four passengers were rescued safely, after which Encinas was booked on three counts of suspicion of child abuse and another of reckless driving.

On Wednesday, former DPS officer Robb Gary Evans walked out of a courtroom, sentenced with two years of probation for sexual abuse. His victim, a Flagstaff woman who was groped by Evans at a bar, was chastised by the sentencing judge, and told to be more vigilant, according to a report from the Arizona Daily Sun.

From the Sun's report, published yesterday:

The judge sentencing Evans, Coconino County Superior Court Judge Jacqueline Hatch, said she hoped both the defendant and the victim would take lessons away from the case.

Bad things can happen in bars, Hatch told the victim, adding that other people might be more intoxicated than she was.

"If you wouldn't have been there that night, none of this would have happened to you," Hatch said.

What? Let's go back to the Sun's report to see what Evans, who was found guilty in July, did that night:

Prosecutors contended that he drank eight beers and then drove himself to the Green Room, where he flashed his badge in an attempt to get into a concert for free. While inside, he walked up behind the victim, who was a friend of a friend, put his hand up her skirt and then ran his fingers across her genitals.

So it appears that, at some point, this invasion of a woman's right to stand in a bar without being fondled became the victim's fault. Makes sense, considering that the now-former cop drank eight beers, drove to a bar, groped an unwilling party, then threatened the bouncers who removed him with arrest, according to the report.

Yesterday, the Sun quoted the victim as saying that she is "still kind of in shock that [Hatch] said that to me,” the victim said later. “Coming from a woman, I would expect her to be a little bit more realistic about women being strong and independent and the fact that there’s nothing wrong with that.”

For more on the sentencing, including absurd reactions from a former "romantic partner" of Evans, see here. For more from the follow-up story, see here.

It's hard to find much that shocks me about the world we live in, especially when it comes to the kind of cruel things people can somehow do to each other.

But this one might take the cake.

Tucson police have arrested a 25-year-old woman for allegedly shooting both of her young children to death, then attempting to do the same to herself. Perla Morales managed to survive the apparent self-inflicted injuries, while 4-year-old daughter Emma Rosovich and 17-month-old Richard Rosovich Jr. were not as fortunate.

Police have booked Morales on two counts of suspicion of first-degree murder, sending her to the Pima County Jail as soon as she was released from the hospital on Sunday. They're not saying what Morales' motive is for allegedly killing her children, but it seems they have no doubt it was intentional. No one else was home at the time of the shooting, police say.

The shooting happened around 7 p.m. Saturday at a home near Interstate 19 and Valencia Road.

Fans of bulk liquor at rock bottom prices, clear your schedule for Aug. 1 and make sure there's enough gas in the pickup to get to Oro Valley.

The Pima County Sheriff's Department's Civil Enforcement Division is holding an auction at a storage facility at 8710 N. Oracle Road where it will be selling off, among other things, a bunch of "assorted liquor, wine and spirits" that were confiscated from a now defunct liquor store near Oracle and Orange Grove. Bidding starts at 10 a.m.

The auction announcement says that six "lots" of booze will be up for auction, along with some furniture, computer equipment and shelving. The items are what's left of the Beverage Corner, which has been sued in Pima County Superior Court by its creditors, thus prompting the need to auction off the items.

The Sheriff's Office often conducts such auctions of seized or confiscated material, sometimes including vehicles, homes or vacant land, though most times it's the result of a court order from a civil action and now from a criminal case, said Jerry Sanchez, office supervisor for the Civil Enforcement Unit.

So, if you were hoping this lot was going to include a lot of Cristal or other stereotypical drug- or gang-related adult beverages, sorry. Though there's a good chance it'll include some Boone's Farm.