The internet seemingly exists to create largely useless but amusing websites, and I think the Mayors of the Waffle House site definitely fulfills both requirements. Two things I've learned: some guy named Miguel G. really likes Waffle Houses, and that it will only take three check-ins (and signing up for Foursquare, I guess) for me to take over as Mayor of the Waffle House by the Tucson Weekly's offices.

I'm actually a pretty big baseball fan, so I'm likely to head out to Kino Stadium a few times this year, but even baseball haters would likely buy a ticket to see dog-riding monkeys herding goats, right? Introducing Team Ghost Riders led by Tim Lepard.

Even better, I think the inspirational speeches are free:

[Daily What]

Dyna Moe, the artist behind the Mad Men illustrations that everyone seems to have a Facebook profile photo for awhile, has a new project, Hipster Animals. It's exactly what it sounds like. I'm particularly a fan of the red panda/trust fund asshole.

• Photo Ryn Gargulinski
• Big tax refunds can be yours with creative filing.

We can take our lesson from today’s schools, which are now into promoting concepts like creative spelling. Kids are allowed to spell words however they like, rather than how that boring old dictionary dictates — so why not run with this same concept while doing our taxes?

Before we delve into the absolute genius of this practice, however, please be advised that such a fun and frivolous experiment might become a bit less amusing when it lands you in jail. That said, let’s start with one of the most obvious figures on your documents: your annual income.

In the boring old way, you’d report your $40,000-per-year as $40,000 and pay the necessary taxes on such an amount. When you get creative, however, you can report fewer earnings and therefore pay fewer taxes.

Your job might give you $40,000 for 40 hours of work each week, but if you hate your job, the 40 weekly hours can feel more like 80. This automatically cuts your income in half, to only $20,000 per year, so put that figure on your earned income line.

Next up is donations, many of which are tax-deductible. Sure, you can go through the valuation guide and report the $1 for the bra you gave to Savers and 25 cents for the clown knickknack that went to Goodwill. But you can also report other charitable giveaways — like the cup of sugar you gave to your neighbor.

While I enjoy the Fox News parody material that makes up most of the Onion News Network program on IFC, if morning chat shows were more like Today Now!, I might actually tune in, even though the male host frightens me.

How To Get A Guy To Notice You While You're Having Sex With Him

From the geniuses that brought you Alex Trebek providing play-by-play, here's a speculative look at college football on North Korean government television:

Friday afternoons are made for adorable animal photos, am I right?

[Porlaputa]

• Photo Ryn Gargulinski
• Bare feet work on the beach, but not in Tucson.

Not because being barefoot is a horrible thing. On the contrary: Barefoot is by far the coolest way to be while romping across your carpet, lawn or the dog beds strewn in the living room. But barefoot becoming a trend stinks, because that means the practice has a chance of going mainstream.

Once something goes mainstream, someone finds a way that it causes cancer or otherwise wrecks it for the rest of us. Besides, if something goes mainstream, that means it’s already passé in New York City and Milan, and we have to come up with new trends and habits.

Drew Carey did the mainstream thing with the thick, black-framed glasses I used to wear, forcing me to switch to a lighter tortoise shell style to get away from the trend.

Evidence of barefoot’s mainstream status cropped up earlier this week, with Tuesday’s One Day Without Shoes. Folks across the world, or at least the country, pledged to refrain from wearing footwear to raise awareness for “the impact a pair of shoes can have on a child’s life,” according to the movement’s website.

Shoes can certainly have an impact on a child if they hit him in the face, but we think they were talking about the dangers of athlete’s foot, being laughed at in gym class or stepping on a rusty nail.

Seems inevitable, really. I'm a little surprised Nicolas Cage hasn't been attached to Angry Birds: Holiday Edition: The Film Experience in IMAX 3-D already.

Update with playlist and download at bottom of post.

One man was so enraged about Taco Bell's increase of the Beefy Crunch Burrito price that he shot an air gun at an employee, fired an assault rifle at police, and then barricaded himself in hotel room.

• Photo Ryn Gargulinski
• Chickens are more at home in a yard than a high school.

Wonder if that got him a discount.

That story and more are up this week on Rynski’s Shattered Reality radio show on Party934.com and FM 94.9 in Hudson Valley, N.Y.

Next show is Wednesday, March 23 (today!), and every Wednesday online at Party934.com. Showtime is noon in Arizona, 3 p.m. EST.

Party 934 is a radio alternative for listeners sick of stations that play one song followed by 500 commercials.

This week’s theme is APOCALYPSE, suggested by a cheery listener.

Thanks! to all who keep the song requests coming.