Did the County Fair have a sideshow? Yes, but they called it a "Freak Show." Tyrone the hip-hop killer rat topped the bill. There were things with two, three, four, five and six legs. Rides propelled people braver than me to great heights and sickness. Shed-sized fiberglass lemons dispensed lemonade. Tractors began to feel familiar. Sheriff's deputies, in nice beige uniforms, seemed less tense than city cops. Aaahh, the County Fair!

I was there on Saturday. Bret Michaels did not toss me his sweaty bandana, but I did get to meet a few celebrities: The Budweiser Clydsedale horses. Dickson, Duke, Bud, Duke, Ace, Regel, John, Mick, Elite and Chris looked at me through the bars of their tidy stables as if to say, "What the hell are you looking at?" The truck they rode in on was parked alongside, looking huge and immaculately detailed. Another spotless truck held rows of beautiful black leather harnesses with polished studs and buckles. It was like a sadomasochist's nirvana.

A more modest accommodation was the model double-wide home, conveniently located next to the above ground pool showcase. At $85,000, it was a surprisingly roomy, nicely laid-out manufactured home. The salesman, a "Housing Consultant" according to his card, informed me that