Do you happen to know the address of someone you hate? Do you happen to hate it when 22-year-olds stumble into surprisingly successful business ownership? Man, have I got the website for you.

Mathew Carpenter started Ship Your Enemies Glitter to anonymously, kinda evilly ruin someone's day in a really sparkly way.  

From the website:

We're going to be pouring a tonne of glitter into an envelope with a folded up piece of paper. You know what's going to happen when that fuckface opens the envelope & pulls out the letter? The craft herpes will be released & will go everywhere.

It's too popular. People hate other people too damn much, and now Carpenter can't keep up with the demand. If you want to punish him for his success, buy his product. 

“Hi guys, I’m the founder of this website,” Carpenter wrote on Product Hunt. “Please stop buying this horrible glitter product — I’m sick of dealing with it. Sincerely, Mat.”

But if you're into sparkles and hate, contact him. Looks like he's lookin' to sell.

ShipYourEnemiesGlitter with 1m visits, 270k social shares, $xx,xxx in sales, tonnes of people wanting to order. 24 hours old. For sale.

— Mathew Carpenter (@matcarpenter) January 14, 2015

So, this is a Swedish kids' song set up to teach the kiddos the basics of genitalia. And I love it.

"Here comes the penis at full pace," and "the vagina is cool, you better believe it, even on an old lady. It just sits there so elegantly" are the only verified translated lines I've been able to find thus far.

The video has been viewed 1.5 million times and it's garnered some mixed reactions, from "I don't want to live on this planet anymore" to "what a great song about the most natural thing there is."
 
My love for this song is about 30 percent the intense joy I get from singing "snippity, snippity, snippity snop," 20 percent how adorable that grandma vagina* is and 50 percent the cool factor of sex positive parenting. It's really great that Swedish kids are being given this sweet introduction to a part of their bodies that is so often stigmatized.  


♬ Snippity doooooo ♪


*"Adorable grandma vagina" is a thought I was not expecting to have today.

There's a lot of new that I'm excited about in 2015. There's the Breaking Bad spin off (please be good) and that Hawaiian brunch place opening downtown sometime next month... and now there's CURVES by Victoria Janashvili. 

Here at the Weekly, we're all about body love. We love it when people feel good about who they are, and we love it when people can present themselves without panicking about not living up to expectations.

To quote the Kickstarter page, "An art photography book about beauty of women of all shapes and sizes. This is a book about confidence."

Speaking of that Kickstarter, you have until 1 p.m. today to throw some money at the project, which has already been fully funded.

"We like booty. We like your booty. We like curves and boobs and hips and bodies. We love bodies. We love women’s bodies, whether they are skinny, full, flat, athletic, old, young, black, brown, white….but not everybody does... Because not everybody knows how beautiful bodies truly are!"

Women's bodies are beautiful, but we don't always see a lot of photographic support for that. We need more projects like this. We need more pictures of beautiful, plump, naked women covered in white paint.

Our sister paper, the Explorer, sent a writer out on the town to find out what teams average folk like you follow.

Chumps & Gertie: A Streetcar Romance from Brink on Vimeo.

The whole Modern Streetcar thing seems to be working out better than nearly anyone (other than Steve Farley, perhaps) expected and part of that seems to be the fact that our city has embraced the vehicle's ability to make the corridor that it travels seems like one cohesive place. When you don't have to get in and out of your car, find a space to park, etc. etc., Main Gate Square and the Mercado basically seem adjacent to each other.

In that spirit, the super clever folks at Brink put together a short film featuring the slice of Tucson along the Streetcar route, themed around a Harold Lloyd-style silent film romance. It's as charming as it sounds.

Brink's website has a recap of how they put the video together:

When we first were approached to pitch a concept for a video about the Tucson Streetcar, we were just one month away from opening day (which was slated for July 25th).

On June 26th, we met with the Friends of the Streetcar and collectively decided we couldn’t just do a slideshow. Whatever we did had to have “big city sizzle.” So what was originally just a gig that required collecting unique images had now become a huge project.

We hashed out some ideas, hit some roadblocks with the approval process and then finally on July 14th we got the green light for a proposed film (a slapstick comedy, following a smitten boy’s mad dash along the streetcar route). Now the big work would really begin. Our team was tasked with permitting, casting, scripting, filming and editing a film that highlighted each of the Sun Link stops, captured the character of the city and showcased the streetcar experience, to be viewed on projectors at the launch parties.

The result of our efforts would be a 10 minute film that used storytelling and humor to introduce the streetcar to the public. It had the charm only a local firm based in the city could capture and we executed it at a pace few could match.

I'm not entirely sure why you would want this, but the British telecom company Orange (why can't our cell phone companies have more pleasant names? I like orange the color, I like oranges the fruit. AT&T are all fine as letters, I guess, but together they don't do much for me) has built a seemingly fancy website that allows you to chat with a representation of what you'll possibly look like in twenty years. I assumed I'd be dead, but hey, apparently I'll be wearing sweaters with collared shirts underneath. Things are looking up!

You can talk to the wax-like visage of you in 2035 if you'd like, although it was not super helpful with lottery numbers or winners of future sporting events. So, lower your expectations in advance.

Life sucks. Seriously, let's be honest for a moment. It sucks. Fetal position after coffee sounds really good right now. Just some time to think about how our jobs as humans is to look for gems out there that somehow make everything meaningful and make us want to not always be in fetal positions after coffee.

So here you go, Tucson. Some Bill Murray singing Dylan's "Shelter from the Storm," from his upcoming movie "St. Vincent," which opens Oct. 24. That movie, which is also about how much life sucks, was smart to cast Murray—just so we all don't leave the theaters ready for some post-popcorn fetal positions.

The Buffet is celebrating its 80th (!!!) anniversary on Saturday, Nov. 1 from 1 to 5 p.m. (mark your calendars!), but the festivities have already kicked off as Mayor Rothschild has signed on to what appears to be the greatest proclamation ever to be issued from his desk.

You can read the whole thing above, but here are my favorite WHEREAS-ES:

WHEREAS, the atmosphere inside The Buffet Bar displays decades of names, quotes, drawings and jokes covering the walls as intentional graffiti art...

WHEREAS, for recreation, The Buffet Bar has a regulation-sized shuffleboard table where games are played for free...

WHEREAS, The Buffet Bar still serves hot dogs "cooked in beer"...

Congrats, in advance, to the owners and staff of the Buffet for this recognition.

Due to a drought and people being told to cut down on the number of times they're flushing their toilet, a giant water slide event that was scheduled for this weekend in Los Angeles was postponed, even though the organizers had managed to sell 4,000 tickets ranging in price from $15 to $50 for the one-day event. The Slide the City event, which features a 1,000 foot long slip-and-slide, has previously taken over a city street in cities such as Salt Lake City and Boise, featuring water balloon fights, music and food trucks to go with the soapy sliding on padded vinyl.

My question: What do we have to do to get this thing in Tucson?

The Slide the City webpage shows that the organizers are planning to come to Phoenix in 2015 (among 41 other cities), but if a city like Billings, Montana merits such an event, I'm pretty sure Tucson should rate a stop as well. Admittedly, finding 1,000 feet of an un-potholed Tucson street might be a challenge, but hey, that's for the bigshots at City Hall to figure out.

The streetcar's done, so it's time for Tucson's next big project: bringing a surprisingly expensive water slide event to town. Make this happen for Tucson, people.

Yes, watching a person eat hot dogs rapidly is disgusting, but watching a tiny hamster do anything is adorable, so it balances out.