For the short-form version of Daniel Patterson's reply to the ethics investigation against him, here goes:

He found every claim against him to be "not subsantiated."

In fact, he used that phrase, "not substantiated" 50 times, with one instance of "claims" (96 times) against him being "unsubstantiated."

Also, he wants to "discuss" (62 times) the claims made by his "accuser(s)" (45 times, once in an op-ed to the Arizona Republic) with said accuser(s) and the Committee.

And, of course, he wants many of these unsubstantiated "allegations" (30 times, in combination with its root word, "alleged") to be "dismissed" (14 times).

One more note: Patterson erroneously claimed to have been re-elected in November of 2012, even after his wife alleged domestic violence during their marriage.

Of course, even if he were running this year, I've got a feeling that he wouldn't have much of a chance, given recent, uh, "events" (three times, if you count the singular).

I like funny things and 80's one hit wonders, so this commercial from New Zealand is right up my alley. If someone sold something to the tune of Dan Hartman's "I Can Dream About You," I'd be powerless to resist. Maybe I shouldn't admit that. Oops.

[Buzzfeed]

The New York Times published a fascinating article today on silly, simple, time-wasting games that have become absurdly popular in the smartphone toting, hand-held gaming world we live in today — think Tetris, Angry Birds, and Fruit Ninja.

But the best part for those who are as easily distracted as I am (cursed Internet!) is the silly, simple, time-wasting game they embedded at the top of the story, which gives you the opportunity to destroy every element on the page in an "Asteroids"-like frenzy.

I've seen similar web applications that allow you to do the same on literally any page you wish, but the fact that NYT has run with this is kinda cool.

Read the story and play the game here.

If you just want the Javascript app that will enable you to take out your frustrations on any Web page, click here.

While this isn't the Downton Abbey parody I personally was envisioning, it might replace a decade old reference from The Simpsons as the pop-culture reference that comes to mind when I think of Arby's:

My children have moved on from watching Sesame Street, so I'm not entirely sure why Elmo is kissing a beluga whale, but I celebrate this delightful animated GIF regardless of the context.

(The relevant bit is around the 5 minute mark, but do yourself a favor and watch the whole thing. Everyone deserves a Carlin break.)

So there may be hope for our groundwater after all!

According to Digital Journal, a team of Yale students found a rather particular variety of fungus during a trip to the Amazon as part of Yale's annual "Rainforest Expedition and Laboratory"...one that eats polyurethane — and on top of that, does so in oxygen-free environments. Like in our landfills.

Now, considering that it takes hundreds of years for plastics to degrade in landfills (some sources say 500 years, some say a thousand — we'll be safe and go with "a long ass time,") this is a potentially huge breakthrough.

All we need to know now is 1.) what does this fungus produce when it consumes plastics?; 2.) is said product potentially toxic?; and 3.) how can we contain this fungus so it doesn't end up consuming everything I hold near and dear to my electronics-loving heart?

If you have some time to kill at work today, you can embrace your inner Jacques Cousteau and travel the Amazon River via Google Street View, which recently took to Brazil with their camera and a boat to capture the area. The experience doesn't nearly approach the experience of being there, I imagine, but there is a certain thrill to seeing something previous inaccessible.

• John de Dios
• One of the newest features at the Tucson Festival of Books was the Science City.

In the past, I've posted some photos of the Tucson Festival of Books. Usually, I try to post while the event is going on.

This time out, and a few days late, are some photos from the newest offering at the book festival: the Science City.

Science City boasted 10 tents and stages that featured scientists who spoke about their research; docents from local parks that showcased gila monsters, spiders, and snakes; more volunteers with whale bones and many others.

Find your old Westward Look goodies and you may win a prize. Read on:

To mark its 100 year anniversary, Westward Look Resort is holding a “Call for Treasures” contest. Former guests of Westward Look are asked to submit photos and souvenirs from their stays at the resort, from which a selection of entries will be published in the upcoming book, History of Westward Look: 100 Years in the Making. The winning photo or souvenir, selected from all entries, will earn the entrant a two-night stay including breakfast at Westward Look.

The nationwide contest is open to all U.S. residents over the age of 18 who would like to help the resort collect artifacts and preserve memories from the past 100 years.

Contest participants earn the chance to win:
• A two-night stay including breakfast each morning (first place prize)
• An overnight stay (second place prize)
• Dinner at GOLD totaling up to $100 (not including alcohol; third place prize).

Former guests of Westward Look can mail souvenirs such as postcards, menus, towels, logo clothing, bath products, posters, brochures and more to the resort for consideration. (Guests who would like their items returned must include a self-addressed, stamped envelope.) Contest participants can also submit photos of these items or photos of their stay by emailing the resort [email protected]. Many entries will be selected for publication in the coffee table book documenting Westward Look’s 100 years in the making, but only three submissions will win the top prizes.

Contact information:
Westward Look Wyndham Grand Resort & Spa
245 E. Ina Road
Tucson, AZ 85704
297-1151
www.westwardlook.com