No, seriously. That's exactly what happens in this YouTube clip. Bob Ross, of "happy little cloud" fame, bottle-feeds a squirrel. Just when you think you've seen it all, then there's this.

[Buzzfeed]

Spoiler alert: Larry David finds some aspects of Thanksgiving irritating. Also, his mother was obsessed with dark meat.

• Illustration Ryn Gargulinski

Although I’ve actually worked in the insurance industry, I don’t recall agents flocking so madly on prospects. I do recall words of warning from my insurance agent boss who always said insurance agents were only about a half-rung higher than used car salesmen on the food chain. Since he was the coolest boss I ever had, although I think he’s still irked over how I fled to New Mexico to pursue journalism, I never believed him.

Now I just might.

My first mistake in the insurance seeking process was believing one of those websites that said they could get me a handful of competitive quotes in about 10 minutes. I needed competitive since my existing policy was up for renewal — at about triple the rate with which I started.

The carrier had pulled the same stunt with my car insurance, slowly snaking up the rates until I was paying enough to insure a fleet of school buses rather than a single vehicle that pretty much does nothing but sit in the garage. I switched car insurance companies and cut my rate by about one-third. I figured I’d do the same for my house.

So I merrily went to my new car insurance carrier and asked for a home insurance quote. They wanted nearly double the amount of my existing carrier’s renewal rate. That’s when I was sucked into the competitive website thing.

When our forefathers created Veterans Day many decades ago, I don’t think they envisioned it as a day to honor one’s hope of hitting a penny slot jackpot.

Nevertheless, because of the numerical significance of this year’s holiday (11/11/11), it also coincides with the grand opening of Casino del Sol’s long-in-the-works hotel complex on West Valencia Road.

It “officially” opens at 11:11 a.m. — I never realized there’d be a set time to this during all those occasions I saw the clock counting down at the top of Sol Casino’s Web site — with a cheesy ribbon cutting in the hotel’s lobby.

Things start to ramp up, entertainment-wise, at 6 p.m. with a fireworks display, followed by a 7:30 p.m. concert at AVA Amphitheater featuring Pepe Aguilar, Alejandra Guzman and Intocable. There’s also a free concert at the same time in the hotel’s events center, featuring the Tejano All-Stars and the Chicano All-Stars.

Saturday’s festivities include an already sold-out performance by Tim McGraw, but at 10:30 p.m. there’s a free show in the hotel headlined by Cheap Trick, those bastions of tribal casino entertainment.

There’s also countless amounts of slots, table games, poker and other wagering action available 24-7, just in case you thought this place was all about the music and not still heavily centered around risking your latest paycheck.

All weddings should be obligated by law to play the E.U. track "Da Butt." I will vote for any candidate that makes this issue part of their platform. It's not too late, Tyler Vogt. I haven't sent in my ballot yet.

[Daily What]

The LA Times wins a prize for a story about Santa Claus school in Midland, Michigan that manages to be delightful and reflective of how much life has changed over time.

That makes it crucial for Santa to be prepared for anything, from the mom who wants to sit on his knee (gently dissuade her) to the children who want to know everything about Santa's reindeer. Santa must know all their names and Rudolph's age — he turned 72 this year. He must know the history of St. Nicholas, the words to favorite holiday songs and poems, and how to spin Christmas tales and descriptions of the North Pole off the top of his head. He must learn to say "Merry Christmas" in sign language...

Class extended far beyond how to behave in the big chair.

A fitness trainer led a rigorous workout of jumping jacks, stretches and push-ups, all to prevent cramping and soreness after hours in Santa's chair. Luke McBride, a Santa working major resorts in Miami and the Bahamas, demonstrated how to apply blush high on the cheeks to get that wind-blown, just-off-the-sleigh look. Davenport, the "attorney Santa," advised them to wear white gloves to keep their hands highly visible, to lessen the chance of molestation accusations.

"You gentlemen, just by being Santa Claus, are under the highest scrutiny," he said sternly. "You do not want to leave a child with the memory of Santa hitting on mom."

• It'll be almost just like this, but more awesome.

I'm a big fan of the Pima County Fair, not just because I enjoy carnival rides, incarnations of 70's rock bands, hypnotists, and fried food items, but also for the competition side. I'm generally frightened by animals, so I skip out on the 4H style stuff, but every year, I head over to the Home and Fine Arts competition area and see what's happening in the worlds of pickling, table decorating, and woodworking. It's just a fun time for the entire family, and since someone clearly put a lot of time into these products, I feel like I could take a few minutes to check their wares out.

However, this year, I've decided to watch from the sidelines no longer. This year, I'm going to take on these feats of creativity, cookery and design myself. However, I don't want to just participate. I want to dominate.

• JOHN DE DIOS
• Jericho Santoro, 5, breakdances in front of the late-hours crowd at the 16th Annual Tucson Firefighter's Chili Cook-Off in Downtown Tucson.

Headed out tonight to check out the 16th Annual Tucson Firefighter's Chili Cook-Off in Downtown Tucson not really knowing what to expect.

The chili was ok for the most part. The guys over at the Lucky Thirteen booth, I think, had the best. But my favorite booth was the Zombie one - of course.

HOWEVER, pictured is little Jericho Santoro, 5, a breakdancing-tumbling-cartwheeling little scene stealer.

• Photo Ryn Gargulinski
• Roadkill makes for an easy, last-minute costume.

Devils and witches and ghosts — ho-hum. Halloween costumes can be about as creative as the latest reality show. We can only watch spoiled housewives scream at each other so many times before we start to snooze. The same holds true for the bland and overdone Halloween costumes. You know the type: the standard stable of serial killers, zoned-out zombies and female pirates with too much cleavage.

But don’t fret. There is still time to break free from the band of bland with a stunningly creative costume that packs plenty of pizzazz.

Like a virus. Credit for this doozy of a getup goes to a New York City poet who happened upon the idea while perusing “The Big Picture Book of Viruses.” Before you pooh-pooh the costume as disgusting, do check out the gorgeously brilliant hues of the Picornaviridae line of infections. They are incredibly intense as well as loads sexier than any pirate cleavage could be.

The virus costume design is open, depending on the virus you choose, but it will surely include amazing textures and patterns.

Jane Marie from super-awesome blog The Hairpin goes Halloween-themed for the latest installment of her video series How to Be a Girl, which looks helpful, although I'm admittedly not the target audience.