While I suppose the Guy Fieri line of jewelry is a bargain at $69 a piece, it's still jewelry designed by Guy Fieri, the chef whose public image is somewhat similar to a guy passed out on the lawn at a Jimmy Buffett concert. Don't worry, however, it does have this ringing endorsement from its creator: "This stuff is off-da-hook. It's some killer bling."

Jerry Sandusky clearly has an odd sense of how to hire a lawyer already, considering he hired Joe Amendola, a guy who impregnated a teenage girl that was one of his clients, but Amendola keeps digging deeper into a well of stupidity:

The choicest moment: At one point, Amendola discussed the possibility that Mike McQueary witnessed a rape, told Joe Paterno and two university administrators, and no one did anything except tell Sandusky to stay out of the locker room with kids. To anyone who believes that version of events, Amendola said, "I suggest you dial 1-800-REALITY." We did. Here's what we got:

"Hey guys, welcome to the hottest place for triple-X action. Get ready for bulging, bursting pleasure with horny gay, bi, and bi-curious studs. Just 99 cents per minute."

No judgment on any one who has called 1-800-REALITY in the past or plans to in the future, but perhaps Amendola might want to work on his snappy comebacks. Or maybe just shut up and stick to defending his client.

While this ad from an Indiana beeper salesmen is amusing, it really just makes me miss JJ, the King of Beepers, who was unavoidable for a stretch in the 90's before cell phones obliterated the pager market. While the Phoenix New Times ran a feature on the guy during his heyday and there's a Flickr set of images of a store from a former employee, it seems weird how little there is out there about the guy. What's he doing now? Where can I listen to recordings of his old ads? This is Arizona history that needs to be preserved, people.

Just in case you were tired of your Snuggie®, or your Slanket® for that matter, why don't you go all in and get yourself a Forever Lazy®? That's right, you can get a front zip set of adult footie pajamas with included "Back Drop!"

As long as you're content with looking like a perfectly incorrigible mix between "adult baby" and "convict in a prison jumpsuit," you've got all your bases covered with this garment.

Especially apropos of the state of the economy are the names of two of their three colors, "Workday Blues," as well as "Asleep on the Job Gray." I'm not making this up. Finally comes their oh-so-seductive, "Hanky Pinky Fucshia."

Occupy Sleepwear!

• If you think this is a good idea, you officially have too much money.

I certainly have my own terrible parenting moments, but I think I had generally enough sense to curb my impulse to add small, highly choke-able rhinestones to items that go near my (then) infant's mouth:

The "bling" accessories pose a serious risk to babies and children and were found for sale across the county, a spokesman said.

The county council has warned parents not to buy the items, which have failed all safety tests.

Investigations into the source of the products are continuing.

The dummies and baby bottles were found to be genuine brands with hand-glued gems, beads and magnets added to them.

Beads had also been threaded on to dummy clips, all of which could result in choking, inhalation or ingestion, the county council added.

As a parent to a ten year old, I'm aware of children and their general fascination with all things scatological, I'm almost certain that this game's mere presence in my house would cause me to bash in my own head with a bat. Thanks for nothing, Europe!:

Doggie Doo, Europe's top new action game, has come to America. Feed and walk your little pup, if he makes a mess you clean it up! When you squeeze his leash he makes a gassy sound that gets louder and louder until...plop. The first to clean up after the dog three times wins. For 2-4 players.

How is it that the catchphrase "Git-R-Done" isn't on the front of this box? It seems so simple. "When you've given up on life, but still need to make dinner for the family...Larry the Cable Guy will help U GIT-R-DONE!" Seriously, marketing people...now that this brilliant merger of celebrity and product is finding itself on a shelf at Big Lots, you only have yourselves to blame.

[@DrinkingWithIan]

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Apparently, the doll on the right of this set of talking triplet toys says "crazy bitch", sparking outrage among parents who just thought they were just teaching their daughters to be mini-Duggars. I don't hear it, but I also generally suspect that these dolls will eventually come to live and kill me in my sleep, Chucky-style, so I've got bigger concerns than a muffled, indecipherable semi-profanity.

[The Awl]

Occasionally, I find myself in a two-story shopping establishment and I wonder if it's just easier to try to scale the down escalator instead of walking a hundred or so feet to the up escalator. This woman, filmed in a New York mall, could have been a bold pioneer if the move worked out, but instead, she's on a YouTube video for the world to enjoy.

[Telegraph]

When you find yourself protesting a magical outfit a character wears in a video game, it's time to rethink your strategy:

PETA - People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals - is known for taking some wild stands against various forms of entertainment. But its most recent target is a rather surprising one - everyone's favorite plumber, Mario.

In a mini-site called Mario Kills Tanooki, PETA is lampooning the plumber for his new Tanooki Tail Power-Suit, claiming it encourages the wearing of fur.

"When on a mission to rescue the princess, Mario has been known to use any means necessary to defeat his enemy - even wearing the skin of a raccoon dog to give him special powers," the site asserts. "Tanooki may be just a "suit" in Mario games, but in real life, tanuki are raccoon dogs who are skinned alive for their fur. By wearing Tanooki, Mario is sending the message that it's OK to wear fur."

I understand that a certain type of outrageousness is part of what PETA does, but there are vegans that I know that dismiss everything PETA does at this point. There are only so many times you can cry wolf, or plant-based-wolf-substitute.