In another case of a Scottsdale-idea-gone-terrible, we present Gutzy Wear, a clothing line made especially for singles who are ready to mingle — and desperate enough to do so that they're wearing specifically branded clothing saying that they want a date now, please-and-thank-you.

The idea behind Gutzy Wear, according to creator and Kickstarter creator Kari Holt, is that married people wear wedding rings to show that they're unavailable — single people can wear Gutzy Wear to say "hey, you should approach me!"

Which is a great idea. In theory.

You know, like communism.

• facebook.com
• Well, obviously.

So, the folks at Amy's Baking Company have chosen to go the honorable route following the social media meltdown that took place yesterday on the company's Twitter, Facebook and Yelp accounts: they've blamed it all on hackers.

Sorry, did I say "honorable"? I meant to say that they offered the lamest excuse possible; one taken by numerous athletes, celebrities and general fools who have gone on ill-advised rampages against friends and haters alike.

And honestly, I might be inclined to believe the folks at Amy's, were it not for the documented-by-video-camera freakouts in which they fired an employee for asking a question ("she had an attitude," owner Amy Bouzaglo claimed/shouted).

Listen guys, it's hard to put the "WE DONT LET SLUTTY BITCHES LIKE YOU HERE" genie back in the bottle. You're better off sucking it up, owning up to your failures and apologizing profusely — either that, or the Internet starts auto-tuning you meowing like a crazy cat lady (0:53 in the video below). Whatever works.

A "concerned parent" in Michigan wants a version of The Diary of Anne Frank to be banned because it contains "pornographic" material.

In this case, "concerned parent" is shorthand for "complete f—king idiot."

According to Gawker, Gail Horalek of Northville, Mich. filed a complaint with the local school district on behalf of her daughter, who was made uncomfortable by passages in which Frank discusses the discovery of her anatomy.

"It's pretty graphic, and it's pretty pornographic for seventh-grade boys and girls to be reading," Horalek told Fox 2. "It's inappropriate for a teacher to be giving this material out to the kids when its really the parents' job to give the students this information."

The pornographic passage in question:

Until I was eleven or twelve, I didn't realize there was a second set of labia on the inside, since you couldn't see them. What's even funnier is that I thought urine came out of the clitoris…When you're standing up, all you see from the front is hair. Between your legs there are two soft, cushiony things, also covered with hair, which press together when you're standing, so you can't see what's inside. They separate when you sit down and they're very red and quite fleshy on the inside. In the upper part, between the outer labia, there's a fold of skin that, on second thought, looks like a kind of blister. That's the clitoris.

- Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl

Ye gods! A teenage girl is discussing her genitals in a descriptive and borderline clinical fashion! Someone, burn the offending material — she might talk about the fact that she has breasts next!

Horalek wants the school to begin using the edited version of The Diary of Anne Frank in classes — one which was edited by Frank's father, and omits passages about both Frank's pubescent sexuality and challenges she's having with her mother.

Because if anything, teenagers should be restricted from reading 1.) about the times and trials of living through one of the darkest periods in modern history, and 2.) reading material by someone who can give perspective to the things that they're going through, written as they're going through it themselves.

Delta Gamma really might be the sorority home of "little asswipe[s] that stand in the corners at night" and/or "weird shit[s] that do weird shit during the day," as they have kicked poet/visionary Rebecca Martinson out of their "so FUCKING boring" University of Maryland chapter (they're calling it a resignation, but that's the sort of thing that someone who would say ""durr what's kickball?" would say, you know?).

It's a sad day for everyone, really.

From the Delta Gamma Facebook page:

Delta Gamma has accepted the resignation of one of its members whose email relating to a social event has been widely distributed and publicized through social media and traditional media channels.

The tone and content of the email was highly inappropriate and unacceptable by any standard.

No matter who released it to the public or how it reached such a mass audience, the email content should not reflect on any sorority woman in general or any fraternal organization at large.

This is a regrettable action by a college junior — a personal email that is now on view for a global audience. And as all reasonable people can agree, this is an email that should never have been sent by its author. Period.

This email should not be depicted in any way as standard or routine or tied to any official sorority voice. It is not an official voice or message and should not be construed as such.

For the young woman who wrote it, we can only express our regret and concerns for landing notoriety in this manner.

We now consider this matter closed.

You win, Zeta. You win.

I've never wanted to be an Arizona State University student, alum or staff member than I do right now.

(Full disclosure: I've never wanted any of those things in any amount, ever before)

It'd almost be worth it to pay whatever fee it costs to "apply" to ASU — remember, Ned Flanders has noted that the only thing easier to get into is the Simpsons' version of Heaven — just so I'd get the chance to vote in the, ahem ... contest to see which of four selected upgrades to the iconic Sparky Sun Devil mascot gets chosen.

ASU opened the voting for this really important decision on Monday, but for the two-week voting period only people with an asu.edu address can choose.

This oh-so-Democratic process comes not long after Girls Gone Wild University and Casino randomly unveiled an uber-upgrade of Sparky, without warning, that basically resembled the love child of the V for Vendetta protagonist and the Nasonex bee, with the Honey Nut Cheerio there for the threesome:

The backlash from the latest Disney-generated monstrosity was so big that ASU backtracked quicker than Sean Miller could say 'He Touched The Ball.' The school then said they'd let the public pick which updated Sparky would roam the sidelines at Sun Devil Stadium, wander the empty sections of Wells Fargo Arena and show off gymnastics moves during unnecessary times.

These are the choices:

Basically, it's a matter of choosing whether you want little or BIG eyeballs, whether those eyeballs should be black or ASU maroon, and whether Sparky's smile should be all teeth or show a little mouth hole (thank God there's no tongue).

Voting is open until May 5, which is plenty of time to meet the ASU admission requirements: namely, forking over a little cash and somehow proving you're not a corpse. Though the second part is negotiable.

Making fun of the Arizona Daily Star's website isn't that difficult, honestly. It's kinda terrible in a number of different ways, from content to usability — and I'm not saying that as a competitor, but as someone who actually uses the Internet for things. It's just bad.

But c'mon, azstarnet.com. This is what you're running on your site right now?:

• azstarnet.com
• 'Tuned in,' they say. Right.

That, dear reader, is a bylined story highlighting a special being run by a national chain of sandwich shops that isn't even based in this town:

Subway has resurrected its popular early bird BOGO offer.

Throughout the month of April you can get a free 6-inch sandwich with the purchase of a 6-inch sandwich. But the offer is good only until 9 a.m. daily.

Subway has 39,182 restaurants in 102 countries and a big handful of them in the Tucson area including at 5480 E. Speedway, 2955 W. Valencia Road, 455 E. Wetmore Road, 1503 W. Saint Marys Road and 10325 N. LaCanada Drive in Oro Valley.

Apparently, it isn't even an ad. It's just...there. As a thing. We'll assume that they got a press release from Subway and had to write SOMETHING for the Caliente section — slow news day. I get it. We'll fill our pages with goofy content too sometimes (and hell, it's not even like we're [completely] against the idea of sponsored content, though if we did so we'd at least ensure we weren't whoring ourselves in the process — and we wouldn't pretend it wasn't an ad, either).

But they're running this as the top story in their food section, bumping a local story to site purgatory:

• azstarnet.com
• Really? Really?

See that note about Brewd Coffee Lounge? As mentioned in Noshing Around last week, Brewd closed up shop after a rough year downtown. The Star's story notes their forthcoming move to the east side, which might help them in the long run, as they won't have to compete with construction or two other high-quality coffee joints (Sparkroot and Exo Roast Co.) less than a mile away.

That is actually interesting — far more so than a rewritten press release about cheap-ass sandwiches, anyway.

Get it together, Daily Star — we all know that you're likely to move to a paywall, joining most of your other Lee Enterprises brethren, sooner rather than later. There's no way that you're going to convince people to buy into your website with content like that...or this baseball quiz, for that matter, which was ripped straight from the website of stltoday.com, complete with links to St. Louis Cardinals features at the end, no less.

As if a trip to the dentist isn’t already painful enough, about 7,000 patients received notice that they should be tested for HIV and hepatitis after visiting a dental practice in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Described as the “perfect storm” for infection by Susan Rogers, the executive director of the Oklahoma Board of Dentistry, the clinic is being investigated of wrongdoings for all incoming patients since 2007. W. Scott Harrington, the main practitioner, surrendered his license shortly after health officials initiated the investigation - but despite being accused of 17 health violations, may still walk away with nothing but a rap on the wrist.

Rogers described the state of the practice, courtesy of CNN:

"Many of (the) procedures were invasive and exposed patients' blood, tissue and bones, and investigators discovered that these procedures were being carried out in an unsanitary environment.

The instruments that came out of the autoclave were horrible," Rogers said, referring to a device used to sterilize tools. "I wouldn't let my nephews play with them out in the dirt. I mean, they were horrible. They had rust on them."

• This man will say horrible things to your friends for money.

Back? Okay. The reason this is even vaguely interesting is the link in the profile, which offers people the opportunity to purchase Tweets and have them broadcast to the followers of a particular account — in the case of YaBoyBillNye, that's about 450,000 new eyeballs who will see your purchased tweet.

YaBoyBillNye and other users of Pay4Tweet aren't the only folks in this "purchasing tweets" game — for one, you could look at the Twitter account of "the Greatest Iranian of All Time," professional wrestling legend, The Iron Sheik — and yes, this is among the least-offensive things I could find on his Twitter account, which is almost some kind of magical performance art:

I be in the New York in the April for the Wrestlemania you want to meet the legend let me know otherwise go fuck yourself forever

— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) March 20, 2013

For the low, low price of $30, you can ask The Legend to humble a friend, old country way, via Twitter:

Sheik has expressed that he would like to share his humbling to his fans. He is asking for a $30 fee in which he will verbally abuse the patron of your choice. You will leave it to him based on gender and time of day to put out the perfect message.

Apparently, paying others to tweet for you appears to actually be something that is catching on, putting an interesting spin on the concepts of both Sponsored Tweets and regular ol' advertisement Tweets, which have existed as long as Twitter has been a thing.

I have nothing against advertising, and I'll admit that I love the idea of having a celebrity/terrifying figure such as the Iron Sheik tweeting terrible things at my friends. But in the case of accounts such as YaBoyBillNye, there seems to be a kind of recursion effect: parodies promoting parodies in order to get promoted again by said parodies to make money off of the parodies.

The most recent thing posted on YaBoyBillNye's timeline was from a Kate Upton parody account that sends people to a collection of her photos — and presumably, rakes in the advertising dollars one would get from having the keyword "kate upton nude" on their site. There's nothing obvious about whether or not YaBoyBillNye is making money off of those tweets, but one would be a fool to think that someone who makes their money on the internet isn't attempting to gain something from these postings.

Honestly, the one thing I'm taking from this entire experience, other than the dawning, terrible realization that the Internet appears to be populated by stupid people, more and more each day — and that someone (such as David Orr) will always find ways to make money off of these idiots.

God bless 'em.

Honestly, liberals don't know what they're doing, what with trying to limit citizens' access to concealed weapons permits and trying to take away guns from people who obviously shouldn't own them.

This Florida woman, however, knows what's up. Mary Frances Alday, 61, was attempting to use an internet coupon to take a dollar off of her purchase at Walmart, as is her right as an American consumer. But a fascist assisstant manager at Walmart, ignoring the rights of the people, told her that the company has a policy of rejecting the internet coupons of hard-working, blue-collar Americans.

As you might understand, this agitated Ms. Alday, who (after what was surely a misunderstanding involving supposedly-heard curse words and accidental bumping with a shopping cart) was forcibly removed from the store for attempting to assert her rights. So she took them into her own hands.

From the Smoking Gun, reporting from a Wakulla County Sheriff's Office report:

As several Walmart employees watched from the store’s entrance, Alday appeared outside her car “waving the gun in the holster,” reported investigators. Alday then removed the weapon—a loaded Smith & Wesson .38 Special—from the holster and pointed it “at all the store employees and stated ‘I have something for Y’all.’” The Walmart workers “retreated back inside the building due to being in fear for their lives.”

Alday, who fled the Walmart parking lot in a 2011 Ford Escape, was subsequently pulled over by a sheriff’s deputy who asked if there was a firearm in the SUV. “Yes, I have a concealed weapons permit, and you are not taking my gun.” Asked about the gun’s location, Alday replied, “You’re not taking my gun.”

Alday twice refused the deputy’s request to exit the auto, and was tasered when she “reached over the console for something in the passenger seat.” Alday was then dragged from the car and handcuffed. The gun was found in the vehicle’s center console.

For the crime of being an American hero, fighting for the right to use a coupon worth one dollar (sadly devalued thanks to the terrible decisions of this fascist government — THANKS, OBAMA), Alday was charged with four counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and a count of battery.

This, of course, strikes me as a serious miscarriage of justice. I mean, if the Second Amendment isn't intended for us to defend our rights against massive organizations that are only looking to make a buck off of good, hard-working Americans, what's the point?

Washington State Representative Ed Orcutt is of the opinion that bicycle riders deserved to be taxed similarly to motorists because they both share the road that motorists use AND produce greenhouse gases. By breathing.

I mean, I guess I see the logic behind the first part. But taxes based on increased respiration? Really?

As a bit of background, there exists legislation in Washington that would levy a 5 percent tax against new bicycles priced $500 or more. Orcutt was contacted by constituent Dale Carson, who opposed the tax. Carson then received the mother of all head-scratching responses, which is copied in part below.

From Cascade Bicycle Club:

...you claim that it is environmentally friendly to ride a bike. But if I am not mistaken, a cyclists has an increased heart rate and respiration. That means that the act of riding a bike results in greater emissions of carbon dioxide from the rider. Since CO2 is deemed to be a greenhouse gas and a pollutant, bicyclists are actually polluting when they ride.

In his letter to Carson, Orcutt also argues that he feels that bicyclists should be paying taxes based on the fact that, as things are, they use roads that motorists use and pay for...which makes sense, I guess. Though by that logic, you're also going to have start taxing pedestrians for walking, then damn near everybody for stepping fut onto public property. SLIPPERY SLOPE, PEOPLE.

At least Orcutt appears to have acknowledged that what he said was completely dumb in a response to Seattle Bike Blog, which noted that taxes on motorists provide only one quarter of the Washington State Department of Transportation budget. From Orcutt's response:

My point was that by not driving a car, a cyclist was not necessarily having a zero-carbon footprint. In looking back, it was not a point worthy of even mentioning so, again, I apologize — both for bringing it up and for the wording of the e-mail.

'Atta boy, Orcutt. Good job both for being a Republican that actually supports a tax increase and for not uttering the obscenely stupid "sorry if I offended anyone" line.

Just make absolutely sure you know what you're talking about before you start shooting off emails next time.