It looks like there won't be any shortage of medical marijuana patients to flock to the dozens of dispensaries that are waiting patiently (ok, not patiently) to open across the state.

As of Nov. 25, the Department of Health Services, likely to the dismay of Gov. Jan, had passed out 16,313 MMJ cards to qualified patients, according to the latest DHS MMJ report. Seventy-four percent of applicants are men (or boys - 13 patients are under 18), while 26 percent are women or girls.

The age distribution is pretty even across the four age groups from 18-60, though people in their 50s account for 24 percent of the patients, a tad more than the other age groups up to 60. Eleven percent of the patients are in their 60s, but just 284 people (1.8 percent) are over 70.

Interestingly, the last rejection for an MMJ card was in July. The number of rejections still stands at seven, not even enough make it a numeral under AP style.

Judging by the 83 percent of patients who asked to grow - 13,613 - I am guessing there might soon be more people growing MMJ than the stuff you get from a friend of a friend. And hopefully next year the dispensaries will open, and the friends of your friends can get jobs that won't get them arrested. There will be payroll taxes and medical coverage forms and meetings for training, and people will have bosses, real bosses, and all of the other things you get with jobs.

We could use some of those around here.

A read-through of the leaked guidelines used by the California U.S. attorneys to make a federal case against MMJ doesn't really seem to raise the hairs on the back of my neck much.

Despite recent raids and threats for more in California, the guidelines, which were posted Dec. 7 on the NORML blog, are mostly pretty ho-hum. NORML doesn't say where it got the information, which is effectively a checklist the U.S. attorneys use in deciding to prosecute.

The targets appear to be high-volume grow and distribution systems (more than 200 kg - about 500 pounds - per year or with more than 1,000 plants) or those close to schools or in other verboten areas. Involvement in separate crimes, such as money laundering or the use of guns, also can trigger federal involvement, which should come as no surprise.

Considering that there are more than 750,000 MMJ patients in Cali and more than 800 dispensaries in L.A. alone, it seems to me the feds are being pretty tolerant. Lest we forget - every single MMJ dispensary in the nation is in violation of federal law and subject to a raid.

Every time an MMJ operation is raided, people start throwing their arms up in outrage and trashing the federal government for F*cking With The Dream. I think diversion to illegal use is a huge issue for California, so I guess I don't resent the federal government keeping the reins on a bit.

And the system we might someday have here if our fine Gov. Jan would get a clue and allow it, is much more structured than the one in Cali. With more state regulation here, it seems likely that the feds would spend their hard-earned cash cracking down to the west, where dispensaries have propagated faster than Starbuck's.

While Loren Grigsby should probably be thankful that he didn't receive the maximum sentence of 65 years that he could have, the former Davis-Monthan airman who plead guilty to charges of distribution of marijuana, money laundering as part of distribution of marijuana and conspiracy to distribute marijuana learned that the military doesn't mess around with that sort of thing:

During the court-martial, the 23-year-old Airman pled guilty to all charges, providing the military judge with detailed facts concerning each offense. The facts revealed the member laundered over $147,000 as part of a cross-country marijuana distribution enterprise. The member would ship marijuana through the United States Postal Service to Georgia from Arizona in return for large cash deposits spread out over multiple bank accounts. This criminal activity, which occurred from March 2010 to June 2010, was uncovered as part of a large investigation which included the combined efforts of the Air Force Office of Special Investigations, the Tucson Police Department, the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency, the United States Postal Inspection Service and the Internal Revenue Service. During the investigation, law enforcement agencies seized over 26 pounds of marijuana.

After three days of testimony, a jury of officers and enlisted members sentenced Senior Airman Grigsby to a Dishonorable Discharge, to serve 17 years in confinement, to be reduced to the grade of E-1, and to forfeit all pay and allowances. The maximum sentence in the case was to receive a Dishonorable Discharge, to serve 65 years in confinement, to be reduced to the grade of E-1, and to forfeit all pay and allowances.

Mr. Smith is now available to the masses via your friend and mine - Facebook.

So look for me there, where I will link to stories about studies about medical marijuana and ridiculous outpourings of inane imbeciles.

It's more fun than FarmVille and more interesting than that guy you don't really remember from high school.

• Look for Mr. Smith on Facebook.

For a variety of reasons, medical marijuana leads to a 9 percent drop in traffic deaths in states where it's legal, according to a new study by economists at the University of Colorado and Montana State University. The study takes a look at statistics from the 16 states with MMJ and hints that traffic deaths decline because:

1. A lot of folks would rather smoke than drink, and marijuana use among adults (but not kids) increases with MMJ passage. This means there are more adults smoking and fewer drinking and driving.

2. Marijuana's effect of driving ability is not as catastrophic as alcohol's. For this, the authors compared driving course studies of both drugs. No contest. In fact, experienced pot smokers had significantly less functional impairment than noobs.

3. MMJ use usually happens in the home. People drive around a lot (drunk) to get alcohol.

The study warns that other things could contribute to the correlation between traffic death and MMJ, but it's clear that in many ways MMJ is good for Arizona. You can read the study here.

Arizona edged closer to 15,000 medical marijuana patients in October, when the state Department of Health Services reported that 14,852 patients have been approved for MMJ cards and just seven denied.

Thirty-five souls were in limbo while their applications were "in-review," according to the state report released Oct. 27.

The eastward trend among patients continues in metro Tucson, where 1,508 people had applied for MMJ cards. The two statistical areas stretching from the far East Side to the county line still show the most MMJ applications in the city - a combined 488. The report does not give populations for the Community Health Analysis Areas. The state had received 778 applications from potential caregivers, approving 745 with 30 more awaiting fingerprints. Of the 15,000ish people who asked to smoke pot for relief, about 83 percent - 12,367 - asked to grow.

So, more than 12,000 people in Arizona are presumably knee deep in pot plants and a few thousand more are smoking it up daily for various ailments (86 percent for chronic pain). Has there been an outbreak of freakish crime in your neighborhood perpetrated by crazed pot fiends? Wild-eyed, naked hash-eaters running down the street? Hallucinating child molesters flashing your kids or getting them hooked on dope?

Didn't think so.

The DEA boot heel came down again on medical marijuana this week, when federal agents and local police collaborated to raid several MMJ establishments across western Washington state, which has had MMJ on the books since 1998.

One man was arrested for a parole violation in the raids, which were aimed at shutting down shady enterprises that operate under the guise of medial marijuana but violate state and federal laws, including growing and selling MMJ in school zones, money laundering and the use of guns.

"We will not prosecute truly ill people or their doctors who determine that marijuana is an appropriate medical treatment," Washington U.S. Attorney Jenny A. Durkan said in a statement. "However, state laws of compassion were never intended to protect brash criminal conduct that masquerades as medical treatment."

Agreed.

It seems to me the feds are going to continue to crack down on dispensaries and grow operations across the nation that illegally funnel cash out of the MMJ system (inevitabile) or push the boundaries of acceptable practice (also inevitable). Does Arizona really want a dispensary system or commercial grow operations that put operators at risk of federal prosecution, whether or not they are breaking the law?

I think not. I'm happy just growing my own, and I think the patients and caregivers can make sure everyone gets what they need. So, I think I am leaning closer and closer to the position that we do not need dispensaries in Arizona. Let Gov. Jan have her way. Let's just stick to the status quo.

If you're driving around with enough marijuana to create a detectable trail of odor that follows your car around, it seems somewhat likely that law enforcement might intervene:

The deputy conducted a traffic stop on the vehicle at the corner of Redwood Drive and Alderpoint Road, Garberville. The deputy contacted the driver of the Suburban who identified himself as James Walter Coomes , 39 years old from Tuscon [sic], Arizona. The deputy explained to Coomes why he stopped him and searched Coomes trailer and vehicle.

Inside the trailer the deputy located 92 large cardboard boxes filled with marijuana bud. The marijuana is estimated to weigh over 250 pounds. The deputy also located approximately $10,000.00 in cash, and two money orders for $1,000.00 each. Coomes was arrested and booked into the Humboldt Correctional facility on charges of possession and transportation of marijuana for sale. His bail is set at $50,000.00.

No sooner do I say we suck here in El Pueblecito Antiguo, and suddenly we suck less. How's that for manifesting the good?

On Nov. 11, Tucson will get a new health center aimed at connecting MMJ patients with information and instruction on all things pot. Services at Tumbleweeds Health Center will include cannabis counseling, yoga, massage, chiropractic, acupuncture and other ways to sooth and heal your mind, body and soul - all with a focus on cannabis.

A library, lectures and demonstrations will arm patients with information, and give-aways will arm them with free meds. The center is looking for patients, caregivers, cultivators, bakers, legal instructors, artists, entertainers, volunteers, donations - basically anything you can do to help.

I take back what I said about raids in my column this week. Let's hope the feds and Tucson's finest stay away from Tumbleweeds.

Tumbleweeds Health Center
5301 E. Broadway (Craycroft and Beverly)
(520) 838-4430

OPEN HOUSE - 5-8 p.m., Nov. 7 - Gift for the first 25 patients
GRAND OPENING - 4:20 p.m., Nov. 11

A raid Oct. 12 on a Phoenix cannabis club is raising hackles on both sides of the medical marijuana fence and has sparked a media-borne spat between state Attorney General Tom Horne and Allan Sobol, the operator of the busted for-profit 2811 Club.

In dueling news releases, Horne and Sobol flung a few phrases at each other, seemingly in the heat of the moment.

"The Phoenix Police Department, under orders from the Arizona Attorney General, conducted a raid of the 2811 Club today," the club said in a news release Wednesday, adding that the club is operating within the guidelines of the Arizona Medical Marijuana Act.

"2811 Club lied," reads the link to a Horne news release claiming no involvement in the raid. Then the attorney general - a consistent foe of medical marijuana in Arizona - reminds the media that he holds no sway with the Phoenix police and is merely awaiting a judges decision on legality of the clubs.

Phoenix police burst into the medical marijuana club on Wednesday, trashing the place to some degree according to a 2811 Club news release, and confiscating electronics and a small amount of marijuana. The club reopened Thursday, despite the raid.

Sobol did not respond to an email and telephone call seeking comment. He had planned to open cannabis clubs in Tucson before Christmas. I have my doubts.