The horrible people at Amy's Baking Company in Scottsdale (yes, them again) are in the process of hiring for their new, stupid reality show, because I apparently didn't sacrifice the proper woodland creature to ensure that they'd never be seen or discussed ever again.

According to the "restaurant"'s  Facebook page, the not-at-all-self-aggrandizing martyrs of reality television appear to be extending their tenuous grasp upon infamy by agreeing to do a reality show — though it's worth noting that there hasn't been any official word of a production company willing attaching themselves to this "project."

If you're interested in lashing yourself to the mast of what is certain to be the worst thing I'll ever hatefully watch, feel free to submit a resume and headshot (!) to Amy's Baking Company. We'll assume that they'll say they're looking for people who are spunky, interesting, and passionate about food. Personally, I'm assuming that they're looking for cute, peppy girls that aren't prettier than Amy and don't have an "attitude" — because as you might recall, having an attitude with the chef is the surest way to get yourself shitcanned

In related news, the New Times reports that the producers of Kitchen Nightmares (who we can blame for making the world aware of these people) are going to revisit the smoldering hellhole by taking a look at the effect the KN episode has had on Amy's Baking Company and the surrounding community. Expect to see the General Manager of the nearby Scottsdale Pita Jungle laughing and making it rain twenty dollar bills at least once in the episode.

Oh, and an open note to Amy's Baking Company: Just because you add superfluous words to your business ("Amy's Baking Company Boutique and Bistro") doesn't necessarily mean those words actually describe your restaurant. It just means that you took a cue from Kim Jong-un and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

EDIT: "Good" news, everybody! The folks at Amy's Baking Company have kindly informed me that Irwin Entertainment has agreed to produce what is certain to be terrible television focused on their restaurant. For the record, Irwin is responsible for the similarly controversial Celebrity Rehab, as well as a handful of comedy specials and a few other things that aren't all that notable. Also for the record, there doesn't appear to be anything confirming this outside of word from Amy's; Irwin lacks a functioning website of its own, and hasn't touched any of its social media accounts in months. So, take this with a grain of salt.

Tough break for Ramon Bojorquez, the chef originally from Rio Rico competing on Top Chef: New Orleans. To avoid killing people via temperature-born bacteria in his too-hot dashi, he ended up diluting the broth with ice, making his the worst dish on the series' first episode. He does still have a chance to redeem himself on the show's online component, Last Chance Kitchen, but it'll be a real challenge to hang in there after a long series of match-ups against the 15 forthcoming eliminated contestants. Oh well.

During my three-plus years living in a master-planned community I've received my fair share of threats letters from the homeowner's association regarding the inevitable weeds that pop up in the yard thanks to all-or-nothing rainfall we get around these parts during the summer.

(There was also that note a year ago about having an "illegal" plant in my front yard, despite having made no alterations to the shrubbery since moving in, but that's a different story.)

For the most part, though, when my yard starts to look a little sketchy, I tend to it. Or, rather, pay my kids Nike sweat lodge-like wages to do the tending for me.

If only all homeowners (or renters, as is the case with me and most of my neighbors) operated in the same way. Instead, the Tucson area could be known just as much for some ugly-ass front yards as for its Sonoran hot dogs or perpetual road construction.

Which is probably why a reality show emailed me and many of my Weekly colleagues today to announce an Arizona-wide casting call for "the ugliest front yards in America." Good to see Arizona is still considered part of 'Merica, at least by reality TV standards.

The show is called "Desperate Landscapes," which makes me think Eva Longoria is going to gaze longingly as her yard boy mows the lawn, while unbeknownst to her a neighbor is blowing her brains out and another is sleeping with the mailman. But according to the show's Web site, a contractor named Jason Cameron and a team of no doubt fabulously (and unrealistically) pretty workers spend two days turning a nightmare into something worth yelling "GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!" about.

Got a crappy lawn? Or know of one in your neighborhood, go ahead an apply to be on the show.

My colleagues over at Arizona Public Media are presenting the first part of Latino Americans, a six-episode documentary about the experience of Latinos in the Americas. From AZPM:

This six-part documentary chronicles the lives and experiences of Latinos in the United States from 1500 to the 21st century. Through its people, politics and culture, Latino Americans tells the story of early settlement, conquest and immigration; of tradition and reinvention; of anguish and celebration; and of the gradual construction of a new American identity from diverse sources that connects and empowers millions of people today. Narrated by actor Benjamin Bratt, the series utilizes the accounts of historical figures and events as well as present-day interviews with nearly 100 Latinos — from best-selling authors, entrepreneurs and pop cultural celebrities to political leaders and everyday people, as well as historians and other experts.

It airs at 8 p.m. tonight and repeats at 2 p.m. on Friday.

More Latino programming this month as part of Hispanic Heritage Month:

This week's cover story (available around town nowish) is a look at the forthcoming TV season, and while for someone like me who considers television among my best friends, there's a lot to look forward to over the next few months, the highlight of September is almost certainly the return of Eastbound and Down on Sept. 29. The third season was theoretically supposed to be the show's last, but likely thanks to some sort of divine intervention, Kenny Powers will be back for eight additional episodes. Based on the one spectacular minute captured in this trailer, I can't wait.

While the whole "Drunk History" concept isn't all that new - Funny or Die has been doing these skits online since 2007 - and it might just be the slightly higher production values at work, but the recent run of episodes on Comedy Central have become must see television at the Gibson house. Winona Ryder's appearance as executed Quaker Mary Dyer was about as enjoyable as anything I can remember on TV this year, and then last night, in a synergy of my interests in 70's country music and intoxication, the segment discussing Dolly Parton and Porter Wagoner was educational, emotional and hilarious. You should really be watching the show in its entirety, but here's a clip from the Parton sketch to whet your appetite.

The eleventh season of Top Chef debuts on Bravo on October 2, and while there aren't any chefs currently working in Arizona on the roster, there is one chef with a (more-or-less) local connection, Ramon Bojorquez, from Rio Rico:

Ramon Bojorquez is the Sous Chef at Nine-Ten, an upscale farm to table restaurant in downtown La Jolla, California. Ramon is of Mexican descent, born in Rio Rico, Arizona, and was professionally trained at the Scottsdale Culinary School. He grew up watching his grandfather cook, and carries a considerable amount of Mexican, Spanish, and Thai influence in his cuisine. He has traveled the world, from serving as a stage in Spain to fighting Muy Thai professionally in Thailand.

However, I'll admit some of my entertainment dollars go to Hulu Plus and Netflix, and last month my road-weary laptop and I have re-embraced regular TV-watching tradition with two shows: Orange is the New Black (the ending of which, frankly, blew my mind) and The Bridge, an FX-produced show airing Wednesday nights.

The timing of TV these days is a little weird. For some reason, it seems like a year or so since the Parks and Recreation season 5 finale (it was actually May 2) and season 6 isn't scheduled to start until September 26, so I've made adjustments to adapt to a summer without the show. Mad Men was still on until late June, there was Arrested Development and Orange Is the New Black on Netflix, plus the last season of Burn Notice. Busy times on the Gibson television, for sure.

Absence, even in the realm of episodic television, still makes the heart grow fonder eventually, and stumbling across the announcement of the Parks and Recreation trading card set. This is apparently an actual thing happening in the "Low- to Mid-End Entertainment Card" market, with parks of five cards providing pictures of the cast, images from the show and, if you're lucky, actual autographs from Rob Lowe, Amy Poehler, Nick Offerman and others. There is also foil involved, although I can't say I understand how that applies. 

I could just buy the whole box of cards, I guess, but I'd rather bask in the thrill of the luck of the draw, so my quest to collect all of these glossy pieces of printed paper that I've wanted forever even though I just heard about them BEGINS NOW.