Times are still tough out there, folks. Though the local unemployment rate is hovering around 7.3%, we've found a gig for an enterprising job hunter: a strange, fairly lucrative job opportunity, paying $30 an hour.

The catch? You might have to drive to Sahuarita.

Oh, and you have to spend that hour removing a man's body hair.

Need somebody once a week to do a whole body shave on me. My wife likes me hairless and I agree. I need arms, legs and torso trimmed very Sunday afternoon. I had back surgery a couple of years ago and my wife has been doing the hair removal every week. She has some arthritis issues that are making this hard to do. I'm in my late 40's. I'll gladly pay 30.00 per for an hour to hour and a half of exfoliation a week. I am flexible to use my home or your location. Please let me know any concerns or questions you may have. I'll pay $30.00 per hour for this service.

Look alive, folks: though this was posted last week, we can safely assume that he's still searching, as the post still exists. Get applying!

A blog post in Jezebel about women getting together and putting drugs up their vaginas as an experiment on getting high sounded strangely intriguing at first, but ended up being disappointing. Don't bother not trying this at home folks.

In "Cunt Odyssey: Search for Vaginal Datapoints," they reported on their experiences and...well, yeah, not much vagina-reefer madness to report on here:

Disappointingly, none of the women had notably strong trips; it turns out that if you want to hallucinate that the sky is an Etch A Sketch/have the most amaaaaaazing back-scratch experience ever/cry about your dead hamster for hours while simultaneously convinced that the magnets on your fridge are watching you, you should swallow your drugs instead. "Consensus seemed that this was not an efficient way of dosing, and that for any future experiments, compounds should be in solution or in some cream form for better dispersion," the participants mused.

• Courtesy of Pima County Sheriff's Department

After spending all day processing this as best as I could, I now feel confident in telling you that this is the weirdest story of a robbery I've seen in quite some time.

According to a release from the Pima County Sheriff's Department, a woman was robbed at the Bank of America drive-through ATM near Thornydale Road and Linda Vista Boulevard by a man wielding a knife and wearing a demon-esque mask.

Detectives from the Sheriff’s Criminal Investigations Division ... learned from the victim that earlier that night, she had deposited her paycheck and also wanted to withdraw some money from the drive-through ATM.
While she was still seated in her car, a male individual wearing a Halloween mask appeared. The suspect said something to the victim, but she was not able to understand as she only speaks Spanish. She also described the suspect held a knife that was possibly a larger folding knife.

The woman then pulled her arm into her car and drove away. As she drove, she looked back to see that the robber was trying to use the ATM (which likely resulted in his shining visage being displayed as prominently as it is above). According to the release, her account (and her money) were unharmed.

The Sheriff's Department is still searching for the man. Surveillance footage makes it appear as if the suspected robber was a male wearing dark clothing, with light skin, dark hair and a green demon mask with purple horns.

He should stick out in a crowd.

If you happen to have any information, PCSD asks that you call 911 or 88-CRIME with your tips.

An email sent to the Delta Gamma sorority members at the University of Maryland was leaked to Gawker and Deadspin last week. The email contained an insane rant by the chapter's president about their lack of enthusiasm in events for Greek Week with fraternity Sigma Nu and how they were "fucking up."

Michael Shannon, the actor from "Boardwalk Empire," "Pearl Harbor," and "Take Shelter" to name a few, released a dramatic reading of the email through Funny or Die that, quite frankly, is one of the most amazing viral videos I've seen in a while. Combined with a dimly lit setting and extremely dramatic music to go along with the reading, he recites the email word for word in a way you could imagine the sorority president was feeling while writing it herself.

Read the full email from Gawker after the jump, but be warned - it's not shy to the use of harsh and derogatory terms.

The trend of wearing a skintight body suit complete with head-enveloping mask is a little strange to me ("Hey, it's a green faceless person in that college basketball crowd! Wow!"), but I suppose young people have to find new ways to have fun for me to find confusing. It's the way of the world.

Of course, some genius realized that these outfits need not be confined to simple monochromatic schemes and is rolling a line of Star Wars body suits, presumably for Halloween (or at least, I'd hope so). However, I will say, these costumes (available for Boba Fett, pictured above, Chewbacca, Darth Maul and Darth Vader) will probably show off a bit more lightsaber than is generally appropriate for most social situations.

Enterprising imbibers of marijuana, we've got a new experiment for you: "Weed Sauce."

French fry chain Manneken Pis has developed a new dipping sauce for its customers, based around one of the most celebrated puff-puff-pastimes in the Netherlands, giving people the opportunity to dip their fries in something that's contains the "unmistakable taste of weed" in it, according to New York magazine's Grub Street blog.

Apparently though, the sauce doesn't actually contain THC, so you won't be getting high off of it — sorry, folks. It's as effective in getting you stoned as those super-cool hemp-based hand lotions that square high-schoolers buy when they're trying to be edgy without getting grounded for smoking the dope.

From Grub Street:

French fry chain Manneken Pis thinks the time is nigh — they were voted "beste friet van Nederland 2013," mind you — so tomorrow they will introduce Wietsaus, a mayonnaise-based French fry dipping sauce infused, apparently, with the convincingly strong taste of weed.

Albert van Beek, the French fry chainlet's owner, says he was inspired by the pervasive smell of weed smoke on the street (obviously) and was in turn blown away to find out that skunky dipping sauce was not yet a thing. He got right to work.

By my calendar, it's still April 16, meaning that cannabis culinary artists have four days to throw together their version of a weed sauce — get, uh...baking, I guess.

The Boys and Girls Club of Tucson's annual fundraising gala, The Event, drew more than a thousand people to the La Encantada shopping center on Sunday night for an evening of food, music and philanthropy.

What wasn't on the original schedule, though, were fireworks.

A propane tank exploded during a cooking demonstration early on during The Event, resulting in four attendees suffering minor burns, Pima County Sheriff spokesman Dep. Tom Peine said. Two of the people were transported to a nearby hospital for further treatment.

Event organizers said the explosion caused only a minor disturbance to the fundraiser, which continued on as planned without any other incidents.

"It was literally a blip on the radar screen," said Lorraine Morgan, vice president of communications for the Boys and Girls Club. "The comments from our guests were that it was the best (Event) ever. It was a great fundraiser."

Tucson Weekly columnist/noted Popeye's Chicken aficionado Tom Danehy is a happily-married man, so this particular clip doesn't do him all that much good. However, if he were on the market, he might want to call up Christina who appeared on Steve Harvey's talk show to give a glimpse into how the spicy offerings of the Louisiana fast food chain affect her bedroom performance.

It’s so windy in #Tucson right now, the @pac12 just fined @uacoachmiller another $25,000K #ArizonaWildcats
— SCO (@TucsonSco) April 8, 2013

Sure, this isn't much of a revelation unless you've been inside of a bunker all day, but the winds are whirling about the desert today, coating cars across the city in fine layers of dust and making everyone lament visiting the car wash this weekend.

Just how strong are the winds getting today, you ask? Well, according to the National Weather Service, we may see gusts around 50 m.p.h. in Southern Arizona today — just fast enough to make you regret going outside for lunch.

The winds are said to be a part of a low-pressure system sweeping in, which should cool things down to the mid 70s for the next couple days, bringing conditions that are similar to what people in other parts of the country call "spring weather" to our beloved arid wasteland.

If you're driving on the interstates today, just make sure to be careful — there are dust-warnings aplenty, and there's a good chance that visibility will be affected. Drive slow, homies.

(And to answer your question, Rialto Theatre, that is "WTF is up with this bullshit wind today." And we also love it because we get to say "haboob.")

A woman from Kingsport, Tenn. started her Monday, April 1, off with what she thought was a great April Fool's Day prank — then wound up handcuffed and accused of murdering her husband.

According to WKPT, Susan Hudson decided it would be funny to trick her sister into believing she had murdered her own husband. She called her sister and said, "I shot my husband. I’m cleaning up the mess. Let’s go bury him in Blackwater."

Hudson's sister then called another family member, and someone reported the news to the police. Soon after receiving a tip about a possible murder, police surrounded the Hudson's home and put Hudson in handcuffs for the murder of her husband.

"The next thing I knew, there was law everywhere," said Hudson in a video. "The response was excellent."

Hudson then had to explain to police that it was meant to be an April Fool's Day joke on her sister. Her husband returned later, alive and well, so the police let her go.

Watch the video below of Hudson's response to the prank gone wrong from WKPT.