• Don't panic.

If you have a phone and live in Tucson, you might have received a strange message around 6:30 tonight informing you of an impending blizzard warning. Of course, because you live in Tucson, blizzard warnings aren't exactly the sort of thing we expect to have to deal with around here, so perhaps this was a disconcerting turn of events.

So, is there a blizzard warning? Yes and no.

There is a blizzard warning in effect from 6 am to 11 pm on Wednesday, but it's for the areas of Mt. Graham, Mt. Lemmon, Madera Canyon, Summerhaven, the Chiricahua National Monument, Canelo Hills, and Bisbee. So, if you're in the greater Tucson area, you should be fine although it might still be somewhat unpleasant around these parts (there's a winter storm warning for above 3,000 feet, which would include more of the Tucson area).

No need to start hoarding canned food and gold. YET.

UPDATE: Yes, it's currently snowing, but we're still pretty far away from blizzard status. Follow breaking news of our demise on our #tucsonblizzard homepage.

Now, this video isn't NSFW per se, but the description reads "The highest number of unintentional sexual innuendos you'll ever find in one place," and that's as accurate as it is joking.

The ice cream, apparently known as "Egg Ice Cream" isn't actually within a condom, but within a rubber container that one has to cut to get to the goodness inside...so these girls follow the instructions, and madness ensues.

In case you hadn't gotten enough of the hitchhiking hippie who splits wigs with his trusty hatchet, California's KMPH was able to catch up with Kai, he who is able to take out murderous rapists with a few, non-lethal swings.

After a fairly lengthy interview with the man, learning that he's Canadian, that he was abused as a child, and that he can speak a few languages (one of them being French), Kai serenaded KMPH.

And it's surprisingly good.

Way to go, Kai. In this day and age, you're liable to get at least one novelty record out of this. Keep on swingin', buddy.

Don't worry, the undead aren't walking the earth, attacking people in Montana. The moaning, shambling figures you see are simply Montanans who are struggling through the winter.

From the Great Falls Tribune:

Cindy Paavola, the University of Northern Michigan spokesperson, said that through the investigation so far, authorities believe they know where the source is coming from and that it is international. Right now the assumption is that they are cases in Montana and Northern Michigan are all connected, but it has not been confirmed.

According to Cynthia Thompson of ABC 10 in Northern Michigan, the party responsible for the attack in Montana — and what appears to be an identical hoax in northern Michigan — has been identified by law enforcement. It was determined that a “back-door” attack allowed the hacker to access the security of the EAS equipment, Thompson said.

It is unknown at this time if the suspect — or suspects, possibly — have been charged.

...

Great Falls police Sgt. Bryan Slavik said throughout the day he’s received calls from the BBC in London, newspapers in Australia and Canada, the New York Times, Washington Post and Chicago Tribune, as well as TV and radio stations around the world. The questions are all the same, and his response has been that Great Falls is taking it as the joke that it is, although if the perpetrators decided to make it more serious, then the hoax would not funny(sic).

Indeed. Though, truth be told, it is kinda funny. Hopefully though, this marks the death-knell for the zombie craze (The Walking Dead not included, because that show is fantastic). This business has gone on too long, dammit.

The below video recently came through the Intertubes by way of LiveLeak, purportedly from North Korean state-run media outlet/propaganda machine Uriminzokkiri, and it's weird, you guys.

Apparently, the video depicts a dream sequence in which a man boards a space shuttle, orbits the Earth a few times, watches as both Koreas are reunited, and plays out a scene in which New York City is embroiled in flames—a scene, video gaming blog Kotaku points out, that was ripped straight from Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3.

Oh, and an instrumental of We Are The World plays over the entire thing.

Just...watch.

From LiveLeak:

"Somewhere in the United States, black clouds of smoke are billowing," runs the caption across the screen.

"It seems that the nest of wickedness is ablaze with the fire started by itself," it added.

The video ends with the young man concluding that his dream will "surely come true".

"Despite all kinds of attempts by imperialists to isolate and crush us... never will anyone be able to stop the people marching toward a final victory," it said.

The North is expected to conduct its nuclear test as a defiant response to UN sanctions imposed after its December rocket launch.

Weird.

Following a bizarre, alleged attempted murder in Fresno, Calif., courage has a new face: framed by unkempt hair and wielding a hatchet.

When “Kai” hitched a ride with 54-year-old Jett Simmons McBride, he was forced into defense-mode when McBride struck a Pacific Gas and Electric Worker with his car and proceeded to smother a woman who rushed to the man’s aid. Responding like any good Samaritan would, Kai leapt from the car and promptly struck the man over the head with the hatchet, disabling McBride and allowing him to be taken into custody.

Like all great superheroes in-the-making, the mysterious Kai has anonymity going for him. When asked for his last name, Kai replied, “No, bro, I don’t have anything.” Questioning his age drew a similarly ambiguous answer: “I can’t call it.”

Game...blouses.

• New York Daily News

James Franco may have been just one player in an unprecedentedly snazzy roster of celebrities to commemorate Obama’s inauguration over the last few days, but his two cents might just take the cake as most memorable, by way of being the most “wait...WTF did he just say?!”-worthy.

Just when you thought Franco’s obsession with filming himself spewing bizarre source material this month couldn’t get any more prominent (I’m still trying to eradicate the “Boyfriend” lip-synching spoof from my memory), he took it upon himself to conduct this little poetry reading from the oh-so-patriotic confines of a dimly-lit bedroom, next to a can of soda. At least wear a tie next time, bro.

God, that's a depressing headline.

According to a Fairleigh Dickinson University PublicMind poll, 63% of Americans who are registered to vote accept at least one political conspiracy theory, though the polls findings show that those with greater knowledge of current events are less likely to buy in to conspiracies...except for Republicans, whose likelihood to believe in conspiracies increases with current events knowledge.

From Fairleigh Dickinson Univeristy:

However, the relationship between current events knowledge and belief in conspiracy theories is conditional on partisanship. Among Democrats, each question answered correctly reduces the likelihood of endorsing at least one of the conspiracy theories by seven points. Among independents, each additional question reduces it by two points. For Republicans, though, each additional question answered correctly tends to increase belief in at least one of the theories by two points.

“There are several possible explanations for this,” said Cassino. “It could be that more conspiracy-minded Republicans seek out more information, or that the information some Republicans seek out just tends to reinforce these myths.”

For the record, the conspiracies introduced to those polled include matters of whether or not President Obama is hiding information about his background (believed by 36% of those surveyed); belief that the government knew about 9/11 before it happened (25%); belief that Bush supporters rigged the 2004 presidential election in Ohio (23%); and belief that the 2012 election was stolen by Obama (19%, including 36% of Republicans and 4% of Democrats).

For the rest of this poll which is practically guaranteed to cause you to feel shame in your fellow Americans, it's available to be viewed here.

So with the release of The Hobbit movie(s), Denny's came up with the Hobbit Menu. Now I'm a big nerd, and fan of all things J.R.R. Tolkien, but I couldn't persuade myself to go eat any of this menu. Well, seems this fella had done it for me, and the rest of us too.

Please enjoy this gatronomical feat. Anyone for second breakfast?