@sophiekstewart treasure hunt motherfluffer. I think they made a build-a-bear at tucson mall. What's your next one finna be?! #needstobeepic
— Kevin Sylliaasen (@KevinSylliaasen) December 3, 2012

Thanks, @KevinSylliaasen. The Build-A-Bear people should give you a gift certificate or something for this bit of viral promotion.

Apparently, Mike Tyson's one-man show, "Mike Tyson: Undisputed Truth" is coming to UA's Centennial Hall. I am so legitimately excited about this right now that it is incredible.

I mean, it's Mike Tyson, who I believe could have been the greatest boxer of all time and still think could have beaten Ali in his prime, on stage, reciting his life story in a show written by his wife and directed by Spike Lee, of all people. The entertainment potential there, given Tyson's relatively insane personal history, is astounding.

But, to be honest with you, reviews for the former heavyweight champion's show have been, uh...less than great, so far. The New York Times said that Tyson "...is doing little more than relating his well-publicized life story, and, under Spike Lee’s direction, he’s doing so with a clumsiness startling to see on a Broadway stage,"

The New Yorker is more harsh, saying that "the performance feels more like a slavishly chronological series of boozy barroom reminiscences, complete with the high-spiritedness, the cringe-inducing settling of scores, the wallowing, the feints of solemnity, and occasional blubbering incoherence built into that form." But on the bright side, the Telegraph called it an "amusingly honest, if at times self-indulgent, two hours." That's vaguely positive, right?

If nothing else, this has the potential to be one hell of an entertaining evening, whether or not Tyson gets his verbal delivery as sharp as his left hook.

Tickets aren't yet on sale, but Broadway in Tucson appears to be the place to get 'em when they're announced. We'll keep an eye on it.

I feel like this video might even change noted-enthusiast Sir Mix-A-Lot's opinion regarding butts, so consider yourself warned. Even after just a few of this YouTube clip's 22 seconds, your life will be profoundly changed...and probably not for the better.

[World Star Hip Hop]

Of course, we couldn't get out of election season without weird things happening at the polls...but this goes beyond strange instances of machines selecting a candidate that the voter didn't:

Ty Houston, 48, a home care registered nurse, was toiling on his absentee ballot Monday afternoon when things got strange at township offices on 13 Mile.

"I was filling out the form as were an elderly couple sitting at a nearby table," said Houston on Tuesday. "His wife, who was helping him fill out the ballot, asked him a couple of questions but he didn't respond. She screamed for help and I went over to see what I could do."

...

Dumbfounded, the man's wife told him that whether he voted was the least of their concerns.

"She told him 'Your life is my concern,'" Houston said.

According to Houston, the man — who had a tracheotomy in his throat — gulped down a few more breaths and then told her there are only two things that are important to me: "That I love you and that I finished what I came here to do … vote."

Which he had done.

Now that's patriotism—and love, for that matter.

Read the rest of the story at the Detroit News.

No, that's not some oblique reference to the presidential race (though it wouldn't be too far off to make jokes about how Mitt Romney is trying to buy the free world or something, considering how much funding his campaign has gotten).

Apparently, there is a man in Japan with a plan: to sell the planet Earth. Via auction.

From Oddity Central:

In the product description, it’s mentioned the Earth was bestowed upon the seller by God, who appeared to him in a dream. And since these are tough times, he decided to sell it to the highest bidder and improve his financial status. He lists our planet as “authentic” and warns bidders there is a “no return” policy on the item. So if you end up placing a bid and wind up owning the Earth and its inhabitants, you’re kind of stuck with us. You might feel tempted to post a prank bid on this, but the seller instructs all potential buyers to include a message expressing there serious intention to buy planet Earth, otherwise he will consider it a prank bid. And if there are too many prank bids he threatens to close the auction and start over at ¥69. In fact, he already did that once already, so please, be careful.

Just so you know, the world is currently fetching an auction price of 105,001 yen, or $1305 US.

The auction supposedly ends on Nov. 6, though it has restarted a number of times, so look for that date to be extended in the future—and look for the loser of the presidential race to consider making a bid. I mean, why lead the free world when you can simply own the planet, right?

• Look upon the cannon, ye mighty, and despair.

The monstrosity seen above is known as "Big Bella" (because "Stupid Crap Launcher" was already taken by the fans in the End Zone seating sections at the Philadelphia Eagles' home stadium). It weighs more than 600 pounds, and can launch 100 shirts in one minute.

Apparently, Big Bella is just one option in the Sixers' multi-pronged plan to transform professional basketball into the sideshow at what has become a carnival of frivolity — according to a press release sent out by the Sixers, "the team will also drop T-shirts, free game tickets and other promotional items from the rafters of the Wells Fargo Center down to fans below in a new themed 'Sixers Parachute Drop.'"

Spectacular. As a Suns fan, I almost wish they had brought a similar concept to Phoenix. After all, I'll need something to convince me that it's a good idea to watch Goran Dragic and the Ramblers on their chase toward a lottery pick in the NBA Draft this year....not that I'm bitter, or anything.

For more on "Big Bella," head over to Sixers.com; for the best commentary on the aforementioned Giant Distraction, check out Gawker's take, entitled "Philly Unveils World’s Largest T-Shirt Cannon; Haters Crying Themselves to Sleep; They Literally Cannot Believe It."

This "sexy" costume of Osama bin Laden (complete with false beard and nose!) really, really should not exist. The fact that it does strikes me with a profound sadness.

But hey, any time you think there may be a demand from women who wish to dress as one of the most despised human beings in American history (a person whose assassination caused spontaneous celebration in front of the White House!), you've got to jump on that, right?

• I can't tell if I'm crying, or if my eyes are bleeding.

For more costumes within that slideshow that are thankfully less terrible than that one, click on that picture of Osama bin Leggy to be taken to Business Insider's slideshow of "the 15 Most Bizarrely Unnecessary Sexy Halloween Costumes of 2012."

This is a man, jogging through the streets of Washington, D.C., shirtless, wearing what appears to be a rubber horse mask.

Washington, D.C. blog DCist was able to get a hold of the HorseMan (also known as Jimmy Kruyne), who told them that "he just wanted to brighten people's moods on a dark, doom-filled day. 'Little spontaneous jogging hopefully put a smile on people's face before this awful storm,' he says."

I can only hope that the image of him high-stepping his way through an on-location shot by D.C.'s channel 4 is the enduring photograph of this whole "Dr. Frankenstorm's Monster" mess.

You're the centaur we needed on this day, Mr. Kruyne.

(h/t to Gaby Dunn for "Dr. Frankenstorm's Monster")

Gilberto Valle, 28 and a six-year veteran of the New York Police Department, is being accused of planning to kidnap and eat people, using his police database to identify and target as many as 100 women.

According to CBS New York:

Valle’s alleged barbaric plot involved months of scheming with at least two co-conspirators online to abduct women, kill them, and eat their cooked remains, the FBI said.

“As it came together and they followed these discussions going through the summer, about kidnapping individual people, they had monitoring these chat rooms and then yesterday arrested Valle,” CBS News Senior Correspondent John Miller said.

Let's pause; I'm astounded that they thought that chat rooms, of any variety, are a safe place to discuss anything, much less cannibalistic crimes.

Valle talked about his sick plot in an online chat:

“How big is your oven?” a co-conspirator asks.

“Big enough to fit one of these girls if I folded their legs….The abduction will have to be flawless…I know all of them…as for Victim #1, I can just show up at her home unannounced. It will not alert her, and I can knock her out, wait until dark, and kidnap her right out of her home,” Valle says.

A co-conspirator says: “How could we put her over the fire, spitting kills the girl. Have to put her in kind of cage. What is your favorite cut of meat.”

Valle responds: “I was thinking of tying her body to some kind of apparatus… cook her over low heat, keep her alive as long as possible.”

And that's where this story takes a turn from strange to straight-up wrong.

Upon obtaining Valle's computer, federal investigators found detailed documents detailing files for more than 100 potential targets, as well as at least one complete kidnapping blueprint. They also uncovered a plan in which Valle would have been paid $5,000 to kidnap a second victim.

Officially, Valle is charged with one count of conspiracy to commit kidnapping, which carries a maximum sentence of life in prison and a maximum fine of $250,000. He is also charged with one count of intentionally and knowingly accessing a computer without authorization and exceeding his authorized access for allegedly using police computers to locate potential victims, officials said.

I'd say that Valle appears to have bit off more than he could chew with this plan, but that'd probably be in bad taste.

For the complete story, head over to CBS New York.

Apparently 23-year-old Zhang Feng, of Zhengzhou, China, can generate enough force with his punches to blow out candles that have been placed three meters (or nearly 10 feet) away.

The video even features the Chinese journalists who were there to watch the feat giving their best shot at replicating his fists of fury, though they wound up unsuccessful.

From Oddity Central:

Feng says he has been practicing the art of air punching for the last eight years, after doing some online research. He found that the form of “Shaolin Sunshine Hand” was the easiest one among the 72 Matchless Skills of Shaolin, so he started practicing it. At first, he only managed to put out candles just 3 cm away, but as time passed and his skills improved, he was able to extinguish a flame up to 3 meters away. But during these 8 years of training he used up more candles and lighters than he can remember, and at one point his family got so worried about his obsession that they forbade him from practicing. He continued to do it in secret, and although his family didn’t support his efforts, they stopped opposing him after a while, as long as he didn’t injure himself or set the house on fire.

That's true familial support right there.