This woman nearly won the grand prize on Australia's Got Talent, and I'm not sure whether that says more about Australia or those infernal "...Got Talent" shows. Still, maybe it's time for a spoons comeback. In these tough economic times, we need instruments that are more affordable, right?

[Buzzfeed]

In order to rapidly lose weight ahead of their weddings (theoretically to men that love them just the way they are), some brides are taking to replacing the "eating" process with the insertion of a feeding tube into their nose which provides "a constant slow drip of protein and fat, mixed with water, which contains zero carbohydrates and totals 800 calories a day." This is actually something people are doing and not an elaborate joke from The Onion.

There are five bags of these Takis snacks in the Tucson Weekly snack machine and everyday I walk past them (they've received the center, eye-level premium placement) and wonder what they are and whether they are a delicious secret functioning as a key unlocking a Narnia of flavor. It's been sort of taxing on my brain, to be honest, so I submit this question to you, reader of The Range: are Takis good?

A few things that make Takis sort of appealing:

1. They're cheaper than anything available in our snack machine, costing only 50 cents when most of the chips are a full buck in price.

2. I think the swirl used to dot the i is sort of hypnotizing.

3. The product info refers to the snacks as "tacos" (twelve to a serving size). I like tacos.

A few things that make me wonder if Takis are some sort of cruel culinary joke:

1. They have been in our snack machine for two weeks and even at their low price, no one has taken the flavor plunge. Usually the cheap items are terrible, with the exception of the Great Regular M&Ms Thursday of 2011.

2. One of the ingredients is "chicken fat". Actually, I'm not sure how I feel about that. That could go either way.

3. While the snacks are apparently taco flavored, what aspect of tacos are they attempting to capture? Meat, the shell, all of the above? This is very confusing to me.

Any information would be greatly appreciated.

If you're not familiar with Kickstarter, here's a brief synopsis: Someone who needs funding for a creative venture posts it to Kickstarter. People interested in funding the project donate money in exchange for donation rewards. If the project doesn't get the minimum amount of funding that they requested, no money changes hands. If the project does, it is (ideally) created and everybody reaps the benefits.

So, with that in mind, what the hell are these?

Apparently, this local gentleman by the name Mars Burnell is Photoshopping figures of couples into watercolor prints...and hopes to somehow make money?

I don't get it, honestly. But watch the videos for yourself — hopefully, they won't break your brain as they did mine.

CAMEL CLUB NETWORK from Everything Is Terrible! on Vimeo.

I did a little bit of drinking in the late 90's, so apparently I missed the Joe Camel themed excitement of the earlier part of the decade, when nightclubs were handing out free cigarettes, letting you record your own music video, hosting white dude rap battles and giving away t-shirts, all to the non-stop party sounds of the beautiful and talented ladies of the Smooth Moves. It was all flannel shirts and sulking by the time I was legally permitted in bars. I really missed out on all the fun and all the pumping up of the jam.

[Laughing Squid]

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

A note to Tucson artists: if a man can create a viable butt-drawing business in Sioux City, this concept certainly seems portable enough to bring to our somewhat larger burg. Assuming someone in town has the gift of capturing the rare essence of local derrieres.

[HT: The Awl]

Life can be so confusing, with a million things to worry about, and now Zimbabwean women are attacking male travelers, stealing their sperm for some sort of ritual to resort "juju". This is why we need a border fence, to keep this sort of thing from invading our shores:

Local media have reported victims of the highway prowlers being drugged, subdued at gun or knife point — even with a live snake in one case — given a sexual stimulant and forced into repeated sex before being dumped on the roadside.

The sperm hunters first surfaced in the local press in 2009 but police have only arrested three women, found with a plastic bag of 31 used condoms in October. The attacks have continued since they were nabbed for allegedly violating 17 men....

The sperm's exact use is not clear but is thought to be intended for "juju" or traditional rituals to bring luck — anything from enhancing good fortune, boosting business or preventing a criminal from being detected.
It is also not known why the semen is taken forcibly from strangers.

"It's really an issue which is mind boggling," said University of Zimbabwe sociologist Watch Ruparanganda, who believes it is a lucrative business. "It's quite a big mystery. Obviously we know (it is) being used for rituals."

No big deal, just Bozo the Clown speaking Portuguese introducing a disco group made up of people in superhero costumes. You probably see stuff like this all the time.

For everyone out there who has long claimed that Tucson would be the best city in the world if they were in charge, here's your chance to not only run a town, but to own it outright.

The tiny town (though I'm going to argue that any place with a population of 1 is, at most, a village) of Buford, Wyoming is going up for auction on April 5. Apparently, the town's owner/mayor/sheriff/only resident, Don Sammons, is ready to move on from his doubtlessly busy political life, with plans to move away after the sale.

For $100,000, you can own a 10 acre slice of life, complete with a house, garage, cabin, schoolhouse, convenience store and gas station — not to mention, your own ZIP code.

Hm. Looks like I just found the perfect place to direct the schmucks we try to run off in the Weekly's annual "Get Out of Town!" issue. If only "tiny hamlet" was something that we could fit into the budget...

[Inquisitr.com]

Now, I'm too broke and too much of a chicken to go through with any sort of body modifications (not to mention that my only tattoo ideas are related either to video games or professional sports teams,) so there's no chance I'm getting any "work" done any time soon.

But that doesn't stop me from dreaming — or wondering how much more or less a shoulder tattoo would hurt compared to a Tyson-esque face tattoo.

Well, thanks to the folks at Tattoo-Picture-Designs.com, who were kind enough to put together a list of the most- and least-painful places to get inked, I need wonder no more!

While the most painful area to get tatted — your genitals — makes sense, it's generally not a good idea to get tattoos in areas that are thin skinned, lightly muscled, or right next to bone.

In other words, to experience the least possible pain, you're going to want a tat on your tuches — which, I learned, is the proper spelling of the Yiddish word for "ass." The more you know!