Update with playlist and download at bottom of the post

• Photo Ryn Gargulinski
• Gun Safety 101: Refrain from shooting self in back.

We’re used to two-faced folks stabbing us in the back, but one Florida man reportedly took the concept one step further.

He shot himself in the back.

That story and more are up this week on Rynski’s Shattered Reality radio show on Party934.com and FM 94.9 in Hudson Valley, N.Y.

Next show is Wednesday, April 6 (today!) and every Wednesday online at Party934.com. Showtime is noon in Arizona, 3 p.m. EST.

Party 934 is a radio alternative for listeners sick of stations that play one song followed by 500 commercials.

This week’s theme combats two weeks of apocalypse with songs about birth, creation and renewal.

Thanks! to all who keep the song requests coming.

Update with playlist and download at bottom of post.

• Illustration by Ryn Gargulinski

Firefighters, police officers and window washers aren’t the only ones with dangerous jobs, as one Ohio Walmart greeter who was choked by a customer found out.

That story and more are up this week on Rynski’s Shattered Reality radio show on Party934.com and FM 94.9 in Hudson Valley, N.Y.

Next show is Wednesday, March 30 (today!), and every Wednesday online at Party934.com. Showtime is noon in Arizona, 3 p.m. EST.

Party 934 is a radio alternative for listeners sick of stations that play one song followed by 500 commercials.

This week’s theme is once again APOCALYPSE, as the end of the world takes at least two shows to complete.

Thanks! to all who keep the song requests coming.

Spring weather has sprung in Tucson, and that can only mean one thing: It’s time to break out the torturous beauty devices.

• Photo Ryn Gargulinski
• Beautification and torture devices can be one in the same.

Winter’s colder weather has afforded us the privacy of long pants and jackets that allow our body hair to grow to shag-rug proportions. But here come the cropped pants, tank tops and Daisy Dukes.

While women have traditionally been the primary recipients of painful beauty practices, more and more men are getting into the groove—even with mankini waxes. Equality rocks, although we do hope guys steer clear of cropped pants and Daisy Dukes.

Shaving unwanted hair is so passé when we have newfangled ways to get rid of it—like with the epilator.

Don’t be fooled by the apparent cuteness of this sweet little hand-held device. The epilator means business. Epilators are kind of like mini lawnmowers you push across your skin. But instead of mowing down unwanted hairs, it yanks them out by the roots.

Don’t use it on your eyelashes.

Update with playlist and download at bottom of post

New NOON showtime in Arizona

A New York teen was arrested and faces two years in jail for killing her younger sibling’s pet hamster during a family fight.

• Art and photo Ryn Gargulinski
• Mean things include teens who kill hamsters.

It’s about time rodents got some respect.

That story and more are up this week on Rynski’s Shattered Reality radio show on Party934.com and FM 94.9 in Hudson Valley, N.Y.

Next show is Wednesday, March 16 (today!), and every Wednesday online at Party934.com. Showtime is noon in Arizona, 3 p.m. EST.

Please note daylight savings pushed the show up to noon in Arizona, rather than previous usual 1 p.m..

Party 934 is a radio alternative for listeners sick of stations that play one song followed by 500 commercials.

This week's songs are random selections from Rynski's radio library. We promise you'll be amused.

Thanks! to all who keep the song requests coming.

One of the dandiest things about dogs is that they are always looking out for our survival — even if that means eating our toes.

• Photo Ryn Gargulinski
• Feet can be a natural delicacy for dogs.

Several dog owners have had the pleasure of finding this out firsthand, with the most recent being an Oregon man whose dog chewed off three of his toes last week.

James Little, 61, suffers from diabetes, a condition that makes his hands and feet numb, and he awoke up to find three of his toes gone, according to The Associated Press. The report notes his dog, a Shiba Inu, was acting on its instinct to do away with diseased flesh.

Evidently Little’s toes must not have been looking too good if his dog felt they were diseased enough to amputate. Although such a munch seems like it should be a healthy improvement, Little decided to show his appreciation by getting rid of the dog.

Some thanks.

While dogs eating off parts of our bodies might sound gross — because it is — we have to realize the dogs are, in fact, performing a vital service and saving us thousands of dollars in hospital bills.

So I realize America isn’t ready for breast-milk ice cream, but this quote about the London restaurant that serves it is pure gold:

"Some people will hear about it and go yuck - but actually it's pure organic, free-range and totally natural."

This bit from the mother who provides the milk isn't bad, either:

Mrs Hiley, who gets £15 for every 10 ounces of milk she donates to the company, said it was a great "recession beater."

"What's the harm in using my assets for a bit of extra cash?" she added

The fact that the ice cream is called “Baby Gaga” is also a stroke of comedic genius.

You can read the rest of the story here.

Dear Dr. Gerba:

I understand your latest study makes the bachelor pad look like a breeding ground for the plague, while comparatively, bachelorettes have tidy, practically germ-free abodes. I almost cried, thinking back to the days before husbands and children, when my life was practically germ-free.

Have you considered another place where germs are breaking new ground ... the homes of working families, like mine? My family consists of two working parents with an equally busy 9-year-old son. It's an all-American home, really, with two dogs, two cats and a structure that barely passed inspection when it was bought three years ago.

Just in time for Valentine's Day, MSNBC looked at a new study by you (blog voyeurs should know that Dr. Gerba, also cheerfully called Dr. Germ, is UA microbiologist Charles Gerba known for studying germs, the nastier the better).

From the story:

New research has just confirmed the old suspicion that the residences of single men are among the most foul in the land. But things are far grungier than random socks dangling from lampshades or towers of crusty dishes teetering in sinks. After testing for germs on four common surfaces — TV remotes, coffee tables, nightstands and doorknobs — scientists learned that bachelor pads contain 15 times the amount of bacteria than do the homes of bachelorettes.

Ready to really get down and dirty in the singles scene? Seven of every 10 coffee tables checked at the guys’ places harbored coliforms — a variety of bacteria abundant in the feces of warm-blooded animals. Yes, feces. To help put this filthy finding in true laboratory lingo, we turn to the study’s leader, Dr. Charles Gerba.

“They have poop on the coffee table,” Gerba said.

Um, why?

“I would suspect the guys probably put their feet up on the coffee table. About 90 percent of shoes have fecal bacteria on the bottom after you wear them for three months,” said Gerba, professor of microbiology at the University of Arizona. “My wife never puts her feet on the table. I do, and I keep getting told to take them off.”

Dr. Gerba, to back up your latest study, you point to your own childhood home, and specifically your mother, whom you described as "a general when it came to cleaning and disinfecting."

Most likely, Dr. Gerba, your mother was a housewife. If not, I'm guessing her haste to clean up after you may have sparked your interest in all things germ-related.

Now days, most working parents work hard to run egalitarian households (OK, I know in some cases, that may be a stretch), but in my house, we really try, which means the mopping and such has to fit around work schedules and kid schedules, and my job is a bit more 24-hour-ish ... so, yeah, sometimes a homemaker's nightmare occurs, and I guarantee there are germs that exist in my house that no bachelor has seen before.

So consider another study: the study of the working middle-class family. (Quick, before the middle class disappears! I guarantee the germs will remain.) My home is available, but I may insist on a life-time housekeeping service as payment ... or at least a visit from your mother.

Sincerely,
Mari Herreras

If you're in the area of Speedway and Swan, I'm not sure whether you should feel safer or not that "RANGE RESCUE" will soon be on the beat, patrolling your area. I'm leaning towards NOT SAFE AT ALL.

STARTING ARMED MILITIA UNITS FOR ALL METRO PIMA COUNTY WILL BE SERCHING FOR DRUG DEALERS,BURGLARS AND VANDALIZERS OF PRIVATE PROPERTY THER WILL BE CERTAIN QUALIFICATION#1 no convicted felons ,'we offer tactical weapons training,camoflage techniques, the use of night vision and equipment and must pass background checkand able to carry a fire arms are main weapons consist of AR-15 and saiga 308 tactical for more inf contact OPERATION CLEAN UP

[Craigslist]

Dr. David Dixon has been working on trying to convince Tucson Weekly editor Jimmy Boegle that the chemtrail movement is more than just a kooky conspiracy theory.

It's a topic Boegle is familiar with, and he asked Dixon to give him some new proof that chem trails are an evil plan to ... well, here's part of a definition from Wikipedia:

The chemtrail conspiracy theory holds that some trails left by aircraft are actually chemical or biological agents deliberately sprayed at high altitudes for a purpose undisclosed to the general public in clandestine programs directed by government officials. As a result, official agencies have received thousands of complaints from people who have demanded an explanation. The existence of chemtrails has been repeatedly denied by government agencies and scientists around the world, who say the trails are normal contrails.

The latest evidence submitted to El Editor is a constituent reply letter from U.S. Congressman Raul Grijalva's office.

From Dr. Dixon:

Dear Jim Boegle (Editor Tucson Weekly),

When we spoke last regarding Arial Aerosol Spraying (Chem Trails), you said that you had investigated this topic for over 11 years and saw no proof whatsoever. My response was to simply go outside and take a look - it is as obvious as the nose on ones face, once you start looking up, if even just occasionally.

You said once I had proof you would investigate the matter further. Well, here is proof - a letter from our Congressman, Raul Grijalva, stating that he knows about it, is concerned AND feels that it is a public health threat. Repeat - Public Health Threat. Those are not idle words from a Congressman of the United States.

I would implore you as the local editor of a popular news magazine who listed "Chem Trail Conspiracist" as nuts who need to "Get Out of Town" in one of your recently published issues - to retract this comment publically in your magazine, and begin doing whatever you can to protect yourself, your loved ones and the people of this community from Aerosolized Aluminum, Barium and Strontium Nano Particulate spraying of our atmosphere, under the guise of reversing global warming. Right now as we speak, they are "whiting" out the sky in Tucson and there are NO real clouds present.... it is all chem trail cirrus clouds. All of it.

If we are lucky, that is all they are spraying us with... You have an obligation, now more than ever (since you took a firm stand publically in your newspaper), that this is simply "nuttery" and there is NO spraying going on. The sad/funny thing is, you are breathing it too; so the joke is on all of us - including you and your family.

FYI - This email is being Bcc'd to many, many diverse folks and organizations around Tucson and the country.

Well, it's true that Congressman Grijalva's office did e-mail Dr. Dixon on Jan. 21 in response to his concerns with "aerial over spraying."

When bad luck repeatedly slams you in the stomach, don’t helplessly double over and moan.

Simply burn an evil cow head.

• Photo Ryn Gargulinski
• Chapayeka before its incineration

At least that’s the bad-luck remedy that worked for me and my guy after we invited an evil cow head into my home. Actually, the cow head mask was more than invited into my home; it was dangling gleeful in the center of my house from a light fixture above my kitchen table.

This was no ordinary cow head. It was instead a miniature mask fashioned out of animal hide and hair by the Pascua Yaqui and sold by a vendor at the entrance of our favorite Tucson restaurant.

The cow head caught my eye since it was creepy, freaky and downright ugly—a perfect match for my existing home décor. The vendor gave us a brief rundown of the head, saying it was an evil mask worn by Chapayeka, dancers who join the soldiers in killing off Christ in the tribe’s annual Easter Ceremony.

I was too busy ogling the ugliness of the mottled head to pay the explanation much mind. My beau did ask a vital question, although he asked it too late. The credit card was already in the vendor’s hand.

“Oh, no, no—the Chapayeka won’t bring evil into your home,” the vendor assured us.

Charge approved.