Grand Theft Auto 5 has been getting negative reviews for it's misogyny, graphic sex and violence. So it's no surprise that the die hard gamers are living up to the stereotype. This disgruntled customer tried to use his business card as proof of ID to pick up his copy of Grand Theft Auto 5 rather than use a valid drivers licence (I'm sure he didn't have one because his mom probably drove him there) at a GameStop midnight release event. The manager seems to know how to handle this kind of crowd, but did she go too far or the guy encouraging him to "shoot people and steal their cars?"

Moral of the story: Don't act like anti-social weirdo in a room full of anti-social weirdos with camera phones.

It's not your fault that your kid shouts on planes, chains up sexually abused woman to radiators, and likes to make up bible quotes.

I will blame Mr. L. Jackson if the Robocop remake sucks.

With the pension-reform initiative apparently off the November ballot, this year's city election is looking very sleepy. Only two of three incumbents up for reelection are being challenged and the props are essentially technical mumbo-jumbo that aren't likely to arouse a lot of passion among voters.

And we can be pretty sure we're not going to see anything like the above ad, in which Minneapolis dark horse mayoral candidate Jeff Wagner emerges half-naked from a lake, promises to stay out of strip clubs and tells voters to "wake the fuck up."

No matter how bad things get, at least we're still one step ahead of Bentonville, Arkansas, the home of an annual squirrel cookoff:

Entering its second year, the contest held just off Bentonville's bustling town square Saturday included 30 teams with contestants from nine states, who competed to come up with the finest squirrel-based delights possible.

This year's culinary creations ranged from squirrel with cashews and spring rolls to Caribbean jerk squirrel and fried plantains. The dishes were a step up in sophistication from last year's fare, which included squirrel jalapeño cheese poppers and minced squirrel brains with cream cheese in pastry dough. Still, the same winning duo as last year, brothers Brandon and Blayne Estes, once again took home the $500 prize and bragging rights with a simpler, more countrified entry: squirrel sausage.

Brandon, who owns a custom cabinet business in nearby Rogers, Ark., won the previous year with squirrel sliders. He has come to believe that grinding the meat and obscuring its origins is the secret to success.

"I don't think people like eating food that looks like rat," he says, admitting he himself is no fan of eating squirrel.

It was about a month ago that my latest J.J. Abrams-fueled madness journey began.

That was when the interwebs exploded with buzz about a mysterious new "trailer" for some project from Bad Robot, the production company run by J.J. Abrams that is responsible for so much of the last 10 years' greatest, most mind-numbing fanboy material.

If you don't know who J.J. Abrams is — shame on you — he is the person who created, among other things, cult TV shows like Alias, Lost, Fringe, Alcatraz, Person of Interest, Revolution and, amazingly, Felicity, and directed movies such as Mission: Impossible III, the Star Trek reboot and it's sequel, and soon the new Stars Wars installment.

The trailer, titled "Stranger," was as cryptic as all get out, and instantly got untapped parts of people's brains (mine included) wondering WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS FOR AND PLEASE LET IT COME OUT SOON!!!! See for yourself:

The speculation covered the spectrum of all things possible that Abrams could be working on, including yet another hope this could be associated with the long-hoped-for theatrical adaption of the Voltron cartoon/action figure story. The same OH MY GOD PLEASE reaction came up when similar teasers popped up in 2007 for a mysterious film that turned out to be underrated monster flick Cloverfield.

But, in typical Abrams out-of-the-abandoned-warehouse-far-beyond-left-field fashion, "Stranger" was actually the first glimpse into the world of ... a book.

Yes, a teaser video for a book. Only J.J.

Simply titled S., the book is co-written by Abrams and Doug Dorst, a heretofore unknown author who prior to hooking up with Abrams (way back in April 2011!) to start this project was best known for being a big winner on Jeopardy.

The book comes out Oct. 29, and the Web site at the end of the second trailer can helpfully link you to all the various places you can pre-order the tome online.

Yes, I already did. Couldn't help it. J.J. made me do it.

Dear Weekly readers who e-mailed today asking if this piece floating through the interwebs could be true — did the Guv sign off a new gay to straight conversion curriculum called People Can Change set to start in all Arizona public school beginning Nov. 1?

No. Not happening. It's satire, just not Onion satire.

But yeah, I feel your pain. This is Arizona and we're prepared for anything to happen. So sad a citizenry we are that this sets Southern Arizonans in a panic. But shit, doesn't mean it won't happen. In Arizona, anything crazy is possible.

From the National Report that set the remaining reasonable people in Arizona in a panic today:

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer who signed off on the the ‘People Can Change’ program told CNN she is excited about the program. “I think this will be an amazing opportunity for gay children to finally learn who they truly are for once in their lives,” Brewer said. “Can you imagine how much more productive these ‘now-straight’ children will be not always being bullied or wondering why god made them defective? What we have done here today is monumental. I can only hope and pray that other states follow suit.”

Sheriff Joe Arpaio who runs some of the toughest jails and prisons in the country applauds Brewer’s decision. “Less gays in our jails makes for a smoother running prison system. There will be no more prancing around along with all the other gay activities that homosexuals like to do,” Arpaio said. “More importantly, we as parents can now sleep a little better at night just knowing there will be less gays out there wandering the streets trying to molest our children. I’m excited about this and I know all Arizonans are too.”

Folks at People Can Change even went out of their way to post a "this is satire" disclaimer at the top of their website:

The satirical website National Report has issued a FAKE news story alleging that People Can Change programs have been adopted by Arizona public schools. Its own disclaimer admits, "All news articles contained within National Report are fiction, and presumably fake news."

In fact, the spokesperson is fake, the interview is fake, the photo with Arizona Governor Jan Brewer is fake, the press conference is fake — and the quotes are fake, rude, and demeaning of gays.

This satire is not reflective of our organizational values, including compassion, understanding and respect for all who deal with or have ever dealt with homosexuality, however they may choose to address it in their lives. (See Mission and Philosophy.)

People Can Change does not provide programs or services for minors. We are a peer-led support organization of men who have personally experienced significant change from unwanted same-sex attractions ourselves and who now share our experience and give support to other adults who voluntarily seek similar change.

• Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

I think we can all agree that baby showers are terrible events that no one should be forced to suffer through (leave your gifts at the door and move on, people), but being forced to look at melted candy bars in diapers is far better than a baby-related event that ends up dragging out until 3 a.m. and involves stilettos used as a weapon:

According to the Lincoln Police Department, Bol and Rebeca Boss, 41, got into an argument around 3 AM yesterday after attending a baby shower. The sidewalk dispute escalated when Bol grabbed one of Boss’s shoes (which she was holding in her hands) and “stabbed her in the face with it.”

Armed with the stiletto, Bol used the shoe to strike Boss in the face with such force that the heel pierced the victim’s cheek. “The stiletto heel punctured the victim’s cheek and had to be pulled out of her face,” according to a police summary.

After clobbering Boss with the shoe, Bol also allegedly “knocked the victim to the ground and began choking her,” police allege. Boss “suffered redness and bruising to her neck, as well as a through and through puncture wound to her left cheek.” Boss was treated at a local hospital.

The post-baby shower beef, cops reported, stemmed from Bol’s “relationship with the father of the victim’s child.”

Kickstarter has been seemingly hijacked by already rich folk wanting to produce endeavors their industry didn't want to touch with a ten foot pole (hey, Spike Lee has raised most of the $1.25 million he wanted!), but yet, there are still regular non-famous types out there with a desire that mainstream commerce just hasn't satisfied. In the case of a group of London artists working under the name "Greyworld," that desire is for the world's perfect tail:

As part of our experiments in interaction and play, we decided to create a Tail that we could wear on our journeys around town. We wanted an extra limb that could do all the naughty things you dream of, but don't dare. Having a Tail lets you express your cheeky side. It gives a voice to your emotions even when you're standing still.. And it looks fabulous out and about!

So we have been working on creating the perfect Tail for some years. The video above is of an early prototype. Our final prototype is much more advanced - being fully controllable, it can bend and flex and knock things off tables, tremble and twist and curl, stand up and of course wag and get frisky.. It can also dance in time to music - but more about that later..

They're not looking for all that much money (£10,000 by September 12) and the rewards seem reasonable, assuming you are also looking to have a tail that can dance to music. Keep in mind, however, I suspect local law enforcement might not accept "cheeky tail friskiness" as a legal defense in a sexual harassment case quite yet.

Weekly Rangers, it's time to introduce yourselves to a new brand of crazy: YouTube prophets!

William Tapley has been prophesying on YouTube since 2008, where he's spouted all manner of crazy theories about the apocalypse, Barack Obama, something called Godtube, and has a video entitled "IF YOU USE CONDOMS YOU WILL NOT BE RAPTURED." Somewhere, a public access television station is missing their Sunday morning, 9 to 10 a.m. programming hour.

In any case, Tapley seems to have carved out a comfortable niche as a man who sees doom in everything, and is characterizing himself as a prophet — and last year, he called out the K-Pop sensation "Gangnam Style" (which we at the Weekly will take credit for popularizing, because Dan Gibson was all over that shiz before it blew up) for heralding the coming of the Anti-Christ.

No, really.

Now, in the tradition of such long-running, beloved posts, such as the review of Pooping in Reverse (or as I reflect upon it, "what the hell is that man doing with a doll in his pubes oh god oh god"), we bring a live blog of "The Antichrist Arrives Gangnam Style!" Watch the video below, and read my commentary after the jump.