9

In an alternate-reality 1949, Nazi robots have destroyed humanity, and the only remaining source of cuteness comes in the form of nine tiny knit puppets. Together, they fight evil mechanized skeletons and a dopey backstory that sounds like something Martin Heidegger would come up with if he was tripping in a room full of Hello Kitty products. 9 is not the worst movie of the summer, but it’s not really worth running out and seeing, unless you’re a sucker for steam-punk imagery and slick 3-D animation. But if that’s the case, you’re probably busy repairing your time machine so you can go back to 1998, when that stuff was still vaguely cool. Have fun with that.