Alexander

Not just the worst film in recent memory, this is one of the worst films ever. Oliver Stone does one of the most incompetent jobs of his or anyone’s career, turning Alexander the Great into Alexander the Whiny Guy Who Can’t Stop Making Really Long Speeches. Instead of Alexander in action, we get Alexander the monologist, declaiming diatribes and digressions that go on for what seem like hours. So clueless is Stone that instead of showing Alexander’s early battles, he presents them in the form of voice-over narration with no corresponding visual. And Colin Farrell as Alexander is unbearable. If the real Alexander was this pathetic and sniveling, his men would have killed him in his sleep. I could spend a week counting the flaws in this film, but just know that if you’re a fan of action, good dialogue, good acting or good anything, you should give this a miss. Bonus: On top of the excruciatingly awful performances by Colin Farrell, there’s a correspondingly bad one by Angelina Jolie, who, being a year older than Farrell, gets the obvious part of his mother. The humanity! The humanity!