New York Minute

Aaaaaah. I say AAAAAAAAHHHHUUUUH! Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, the cuddly twins of yesteryear’s awesome sitcom Full House, star in this puke fest that tries to establish them as movie stars. Mary Kate (Or is it Ashley?) stars as a goody-two-shoes looking to win a fellowship at Oxford University, and Ashley (Or is it Mary Kate? Aww fuck, I don’t know! Can’t tell them apart!) plays the mischievous twin. They must navigate New York City in order to get the good twin to a special speech engagement. The bad twin ditches school, and Eugene Levy (one of two SCTV alumni slumming in this squalor) chases her Ferris Bueller’s Day Off-style. Good and bad twins have an epiphany; proclaim their love for one another; witness a dog farting; and crash a video shoot by some crappy band all in the name of fun, fun, fun! If Mary Kate and Ashley are actually talented (and they just might be … we really don’t know), they need to pick better scripts and quit pouting all the time. God, are these two major pouters, or what?