The Pacifier

Trying to turn notable action heavyweights into soccer moms didn’t work for Arnold Schwarzenegger, Eddie Murphy or Ice Cube, and it certainly doesn’t work for Vin Diesel now. The former XXX action star replaces his death-defying stunts with PG-rated minivans and dirty diapers after a U.S. scientist with hi-tech encryption codes is assassinated by Serbian rebels. The bald-headed baby sitter with bulging biceps must now protect the brainiac’s five kids from more Serbian rebels, or North Koreans, or maybe the hyperactive wrestling coach (Brad Garrett). The episodic screenplay by a team of writers gets a little hazy in between the Firefly Scout sing-along, teen-angst therapy sessions and the ridiculous subplots of various access codes that any two-bit hacker could crack. Director Adam Shankman’s wannabe comedy does anything but pacify audience members. They’ll be running for the exits screaming for a refund.