Torque

In this film from the shitheads who brought you 2 Fast 2 Furious, lots of things go vroom, and the director looks to drive you, the moviegoer, to hell and back. A bunch of pretty boys and girls zip around on motorized bicycle-type things whilst wearing multicolored leathers and snarling a lot. In fact, I hereby anoint Ice Cube king of the snarls, for that is the only expression he dons in this annoying, irritating film. Some garbage involving crystal meth in a bunch of motorcycle fuel tanks sets the stage for lots of fistfights, corrupt FBI agents and scenes of losers standing around saying things like, "Gee, look at all that crystal meth!" Granted, no movie called Torque sounds like it will be intellectually challenging, but this film will actually reduce your brain power. I actually felt markedly dumber when I walked out of it. Actually, I am. Look. I can’t even spell sppamm. Dammit! Freaking motorcycle movies!